Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Family's First Grandchild Is Buried by Avalanche of Gifts

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Miranda," and I have always been close. We have talked about sex and about how it's always better to tell the truth. We have been open about things since Miranda was old enough to understand -- until now.

Miranda has been going with "Josh" for about a year. His mother found some very graphic sexual messages on his cell phone. When we confronted them, they swore they would not do anything and would wait until they're married. I even discussed birth control with Miranda and planned on getting her an appointment.

Well, I may have been too late. I found a letter to her from Josh. Some of the things he wrote were pornographic -- and they were things he said he wanted to do again! They are playing some of these games at school during breaks and in classrooms where they sit at tables.

I am not sure how to handle this. My husband would never understand. I'm torn about confronting her and the school for not properly supervising these kids. Please help me make the right choice. -- TORN UP IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR TORN UP: Gladly. You are not giving your husband enough credit. He should be told immediately. He will understand only too well that your daughter and her boyfriend have been playing you like a fiddle.

The problem isn't lack of supervision at school. It is that Miranda has been lying to you and spends too much time with her boyfriend.

Your daughter should have far less free time on her hands and also have access to birth control and the knowledge of how to use it. Insist that she become involved in organized activities outside of school, including volunteer work. Right now, your daughter needs guidance and supervision, so please don't let her down.