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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is "over 21." I have always been a tomboy. I love to wrestle with my 200-pound boyfriend. Our struggles are vigorous, but never violent, and always end with a kiss or more.

My friends are horrified. They say I could be injured and that any man who would physically "fight" a woman is a potential wife-beater or worse.

So many people have warned me to "watch out" that now I'm beginning to wonder. To me, it's a good way to have fun and burn off calories. What's your take on this, Abby? -- LOVES TO TUSSLE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVES TO TUSSLE: If you are the one initiating these "fights," then I doubt that your boyfriend is a potential wife-beater or worse. (If it were the other way around, I might be concerned.) What you have described sounds more like foreplay than abuse. As long as you both enjoy it and no one becomes injured, what the two of you do is nobody's business, so keep it private.

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever received an invitation for a baby shower that states, "There will be a raffle. All proceeds will go to the family to help with the cost of raising another baby"?

Abby, this is the couple's third girl in less than four years and her third baby shower. These are planned pregnancies. The woman's husband earns $75,000 a year. Prospective guests are also instructed to go online where the baby gift registry is posted.

I am completely at a loss for words after receiving this invite. Any thoughts? -- TAKEN ABACK IN WYOMING

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: You have been fairly warned about the intent of the event. Because you are turned off, the word I am suggesting is "Regrets."

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like I hate everything, but I don't think I'm depressed.

I hate working, but love my salary. I hate my co-workers, but realize they're probably no worse than any other workplace. Nothing excites me, nothing motivates me. I don't like anything in particular and have never known what I wanted to do with my life. I don't want to be married or have children. I often wonder what the point of living is. I feel like I'm living every day just to get to the end of life.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Please help me and others out there who seem to have lost hope. -- NOT HAPPY IN CANADA

DEAR NOT HAPPY: Whether you recognize it or not, you may be depressed. As anyone who has read this column knows, there is medical and psychiatric help for depression, which sometimes has a physical cause.

However, as I have read and re-read your letter, I am struck by the listlessness and boredom it conveys. Perhaps you would be happier if you dwelt less on yourself and the emptiness you feel, and spent some time helping people who are less fortunate than you. Leo Rosten once wrote that the purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all -- using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others.

Please consider what I have said because you are spending far too much time thinking about what you're missing, and frankly may need a verbal kick in the fanny.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)