DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have been together 10 years. We are both in our mid-40s. We have an 8-year-old daughter, but lost our 3-year-old son to cancer two years ago.
We decided to become foster parents in the hope of adopting a child. Two months ago, we took in a 3 1/2-year- old little boy. We were told he was "slightly delayed" in his development but have now discovered that he is functioning at the level of an 18-month-old. The neurologist told us the child may progress -- or not.
At this point in my life I do not have the strength or patience to deal with a child with such special needs. I have expressed my concerns to my partner, but she wants to give it more time. I feel the longer we have him, though, the harder it will be for all of us if it does not work out.
I already have three grown children and one grandchild. I want to devote my energy to our 8-year-old, who is still coping with the loss of her brother. Please give me an objective opinion. -- STRESSED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR STRESSED: Because you are unable to give the little boy the love and support he needs, admit it now and return him to the state. He may be better off with a special family that has experience in raising children with developmental disabilities.
That you were not given accurate information about the boy is deplorable, but the longer you wait, the more complicated the situation will become -- not only for you, but also for your impressionable daughter, who may need professional help to understand why you did it, that it is no threat to her, and reassurance that children are not interchangeable.