DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ollie," and I have been married three years, together for almost six. Everything is going well, but his parents are a problem. They pressure us to visit them whenever we have time off. They live on the East Coast and we live in the Southwest, so visiting them is expensive.
Ollie wants to visit them whenever we have time off. I feel once a year is enough. I know he enjoys spending time with his parents, and I hate to have him not go because of me. But I'm beginning to resent my in-laws because I have spent all my vacations with them.
Abby, Ollie and I have never been on a trip by ourselves -- not even a honeymoon. I can't keep doing this. We have no children yet. How am I supposed to deal with it when we do if I'm having a hard time now? Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- STRESSED IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR STRESSED: That you and Ollie have never taken a trip alone is sad. It appears he and his parents are so bonded they are unable to let each other go.
Perhaps a compromise is in order. Divide up your vacation time. Suggest that Ollie visit his parents alone, and use the rest of the vacation time to take a trip together.
If you don't assert some independence now, by the time grandchildren start arriving, it will be more difficult to establish family traditions of your own.
You can try getting this message across to Ollie, but you may need the help of a family therapist to convince him to see the light. Please consider it.