To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Daughter Can't Convince Her Parents to Change Their Diet
DEAR ABBY: I am greatly worried about the health of my parents. My mother has Type 2 diabetes, and my father has high cholesterol and blood pressure. Both of them have poor eating habits.
I have tried convincing them to eat healthier and exercise, but they are stuck in their old ways. Mom still brings home cookies, brownies and candy, and Dad still eats cheese and deep-fried foods. How can I get them to adopt a healthier lifestyle? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED DAUGHTER, LOS GATOS, CALIF.
DEAR DAUGHTER: As much as you love your parents, you cannot do for them what they refuse to do for themselves. I am assuming that their physician has warned them about what will happen if they continue eating the way they do.
You can offer encouragement, but you cannot force them to give up their unhealthy lifestyle. You can also learn from their poor example and not backslide into the eating habits you learned as a child growing up in their household.
DEAR ABBY: A group of us from work go out for drinks a few times a week. My boss's husband hits on me in front of her, and she doesn't say anything. A few of my co-workers are lesbians, and they hit on me, too. I don't have a boyfriend, but I have never been attracted to people of the same sex. I enjoy going out, but feel uncomfortable, and they are my only friends. How do I stop all this nonsense? -- BRENDA ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR BRENDA: The surest way to "stop the nonsense" would be to quit mixing business and personal relationships. Inform your boss that her husband's behavior is sexual harassment, and you want her to put a stop to it. Tell your co-workers that while you like them, you are straight, and if they don't stop hitting on you, you will report it to your boss. And last, instead of socializing with these people after work, join a gym or sign up for a class where you will meet new people and develop new relationships.
DEAR ABBY: I am 21, but look a few years younger than my age. I recently underwent a procedure at my orthodontist's office that turned out to be more painful than expected. It lasted almost an hour, and one of the professionals seemed to think it would be helpful to talk "baby talk" to me for the entire duration. Being talked to like that, in addition to the pain I was experiencing, was extremely irritating.
A few of my friends have told me that they have also been treated this way by medical professionals. What would be a polite way to tell someone to just shut up with the baby talk? -- IRRITATED ADULT IN BOSTON
DEAR IRRITATED ADULT: You should not tell the person to "shut up with the baby talk." Your message will come across stronger if you tell the person -- once the procedure is finished -- that being spoken to like a child was patronizing, and in the future you would prefer to be spoken to like the adult you are.
DEAR ABBY: After my kids come home from swim practice at the local high school, my wife insists they take a shower to clean off. I figure that any chemicals added to the pool, like chlorine, will kill off the germs. So my question is, is it necessary to shower after swimming in a chlorinated pool? -- FATHER KNOWS BEST (IN SAN DIEGO)
DEAR FATHER: In this case, mother knows best. Chlorine is a harsh chemical that is drying to the skin and damaging to the hair. Your children should listen to their mother, and you should stop trying to undercut her.
Honest Honors Student Has to Compete With Cheaters
DEAR ABBY: I am a ninth-grade honors student in a highly rated public school. I have never cheated on any assignment, nor have I ever helped anyone else to cheat. However, I know several of my classmates cheat on quizzes and homework assignments because I have seen them.
Abby, many of these students have better grade point averages (GPAs) than I do. In my school, the competition to become valedictorian is cutthroat. The valedictorian typically graduates with a 4.5 GPA.
It's frustrating to see the honor code at this school, as well as the hard work of honest students who are trying to make it to the top, undermined by the cheaters. Yet I'm hesitant to turn them in to the teachers if I see it happen again. What would be the appropriate thing to do? -- VALEDICTORIAN CONTENDER, PLANO, TEXAS
DEAR CONTENDER: The thing to do is let the teachers and the principal know what's going on. If you are reluctant to do this for yourself, then do it for all the other honest students who are diligently trying to earn excellent grades and improve their chances of acceptance at the better colleges and universities.
Over the last 10 or 15 years, many people's standards of ethics have taken a nosedive. By "ethics," I mean doing what is right because it is the right thing to do. We hear about it daily when stories appear in the media about court-appointed conservators who cheat the frail elderly they were hired to protect, banks selling clients inappropriate retirement funds, mortgage brokers encumbering first-time homeowners with loans they can't keep up with, the theft and abuse of personal information, drug companies sponsoring "research" that influences the approval of questionable products, and educators who lie about their credentials.
Drivers speed and ignore stop signals if they think no one will see them, and residents of high-crime neighborhoods cling to a code of silence when innocent children and young adults are gunned down simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
We are ALL responsible for creating the world we live in. And little will change in the face of ethical lapses and criminal behavior until more of us are willing to take a stand and do something about them when we see it happen.
Readers, your thoughts on this would be welcome.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I purchased a home 2 1/2 years ago. Today we received an e-mail from the previous owners telling us they are coming here on vacation and would like to visit us and see the house again.
We don't want to visit with the previous owners. When we bought their house we never expected to see them again. My husband and I are very private people. How do we tell them we do not want to see them again or have them in our home? -- INVADED IN HAWAII
DEAR INVADED: You are under no obligation to have any contact with the previous owners. E-mail the couple and tell them that a visit at that time is "not convenient" and a house tour is not an option.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old divorced woman who raised three kids on my own for 15 years. I would now like to make a major change in my life and move to a small town in a Southern state. My kids are grown except for my youngest, who will graduate from high school this summer and probably attend college.
My parents, who don't even live in this town, are opposed to the idea. They say I am "abandoning my children," and my siblings are asking how I can move so far away from my elderly parents, which makes me feel guilty.
Am I wrong for wanting a new life of my own? My loved ones can always come to visit me. Do I owe it to my parents to stay here?
I can no longer afford to live where I am here in San Diego, but if I move to a less expensive community, I suppose I could afford a small home. -- RESTLESS
DEAR RESTLESS: Having raised your children to the point that they are independent, you are entitled to live wherever you wish. However, before making any hard-and-fast decisions, please answer some honest questions:
What will you do if your parents become too ill or frail to travel? Once your children marry and your grandchildren start arriving, how involved do you want to be in their lives?
If you will have enough money to travel for visits when you wish, then go with a clear conscience. If not, consider moving to a smaller, less expensive community not so far away from the family.
P.S. A final question: If something should happen to you, would you want your family to be closer?
DEAR ABBY: I have had this friend, "Dina," for about five years. It took me a while to notice, but now I realize she calls me only when she needs something -- a shoulder to cry on, a favor or, more recently, someone to brag to about her "good fortune."
Dina's "fiance" (I'll call him "Ethan") has finally divorced his wife to be with her. He has physically and emotionally abused Dina in the past, and continues to use drugs. I have loaned her money and helped her out in more ways than I can count.
Ethan recently got a big settlement, so Dina had $10,000 worth of plastic surgery done and took a trip to the Caribbean. But she has never once offered to repay me what she owes. She has also never been to my new house, not even for the housewarming. She says I live "too far," although it's only 20 minutes from her place.
Dina's wedding is scheduled soon. I don't want to attend because I think Ethan is an abuser -- and besides, it's "too far." She keeps calling, and I just let the machine pick up. I don't want to invest any more in this friendship, but I don't know what to do. Advice, please. -- MS. L. IN SEATTLE
DEAR MS. L: Tell Dina that it's time to repay the money you loaned her. After that, I predict your problem will be solved.
DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are celebrating this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to the men and women of our armed services who laid down their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)