Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Parents Protecting Son Cut Off Contact With Grandparents
DEAR ABBY: I am in my sunset years and not well. I know my time is short, but I have one bright spot in my life -- my 5-year-old grandson, "Connor."
Because the little fella stayed with us after preschool and spent much time with us, my wife and I are especially fond of him.
Our problem? Connor's dad (our son) and his wife (the child's mother) disapprove of our fondness for Connor. They say they don't want the boy "hurt" by my impending death and now keep him away from us as much as possible.
Abby, we adore our grandchild. We're heartbroken that he is being kept away from us much of the time simply because his parents are afraid he will grieve when his Paw-Paw dies. What should we do? -- PAW-PAW AND MAW-MAW IN ALABAMA
DEAR PAW-PAW: Your son and daughter-in-law mean well, but they are misguided in trying to "protect" their son from one of the inescapable realities of life. They may be trying to avoid their own issues having to do with death.
You need to have a serious talk with them. Connor's relationship with you and his grandmother is a positive one, regardless of the state of your health. It might be helpful to enlist the assistance of your spiritual adviser and/or your physician.
Death is a part of life, and as sad as these partings may be, children usually recover with amazing resiliency. To cheat Connor -- and you -- out of the short time you have left together is a mistake.
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Alex" for almost five years. We have lived together for two of these five years and have been having problems in the last year or so.
I'm interested in getting some kind of relationship counseling, as I am confident we can work things out once the lines of communication are opened again. My problem is I don't know where to look. I often hear about marriage counseling. Is that only for married people? If you have any ideas, I'd be grateful. -- BECKIE IN BOSTON
DEAR BECKIE: Your physician should be able to refer you to a counselor who can help. Marriage counseling is a form of couples counseling or relationship counseling, and it will work for any couple -- married or not -- who are willing to work at it.
If Alex is open to the idea, some sessions could help you establish healthier, more direct and meaningful communication with each other. I hope you can talk him into going and wish you the best of luck.
DEAR ABBY: I have recently moved from New Jersey to Florida. When I am invited to someone's home for a party or dinner, I always bring a hostess gift, wine or dessert. However, when I invite these people to my home, they wrap or pack up what they brought and take it with them when they leave.
I have never experienced this where I was raised. Is this proper? -- NEWCOMER TO FORT PIERCE, FLA.
DEAR NEWCOMER: Not where I come from it isn't. The term "hostess gift" means it is a GIFT for the person hosting the party or dinner. It should be left with the host or hostess to enjoy at any time the person wishes -- and it does not have to be shared with the guests. To march into the person's kitchen, wrap and take home the unused portion without it being offered is just plain rude.
Reading Beauty Products' Fine Print Is Well Worth the Time
DEAR ABBY: As you know, most women invest a lot of time in addition to money so they can look and feel beautiful.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration's Office of Women's Health would like to encourage women to get the most out of their health and beauty products by taking the time to read the directions and following them properly. Our message to women is, "Take Time to Care About ... Health and Beauty."
In celebration of National Women's Health Week (May 11 to May 17), we are offering a free Health and Beauty Kit that includes tools for making informed choices about the cosmetics and other products women use every day. This collection of fact sheets is available in English and Spanish, and is an example of how the FDA has been working to promote the safe use of health and beauty products ever since the landmark Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act was signed in 1938.
Please let your readers know about this opportunity. The information will be sent to them without charge. This effort has already been paid for with taxpayer dollars, including postage and handling. -- KATHLEEN UHL, M.D., ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH
DEAR KATHLEEN: I'm pleased to pass the word along, and congratulations for 70 years of progress on cosmetic safety. Your Health and Beauty Kit is informative, and I'm sure readers will find the tips and easy-to-read materials on cosmetics, contact lenses (and more) of interest.
For the quickest service, the kits should be ordered online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov" ��www.pueblo.gsa.gov�. If you do not have online access, send your name and address to Health/Beauty Information Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009, or call toll-free: (888) 878-3256, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday, and ask for the Health and Beauty Information Kit. Readers, order your kit today because quantities are limited.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I haven't lived here very long. Our only company is a dear friend, "Sid," who lives nearby. I love to entertain and have guests over, so naturally I invite Sid to dinner quite often.
My problem is Sid never arrives on time for a meal. I usually have to tell him dinner will be ready an hour earlier than it really will be, so he'll show up before it is finished cooking.
I take pride in having everything ready at once for a large meal. When I must keep things warm for an hour or more extra, it not only ruins the mood but the food dries out. At Easter we had Sid over and told him dinner would be at 1 p.m. When I called him at 1:30, he told me he hadn't even showered or shaved yet to come over.
Is there a polite way to show my frustration at Sid's lack of punctuality, or should I stop inviting him to join us for meals? I don't want to be rude. -- FRUSTRATED IN THE KITCHEN
DEAR FRUSTRATED: By all means stop inviting Sid for meals. Instead, invite him for leftovers, and if he asks why, do not be shy about explaining (politely, of course). And, because you love to entertain, I'm advising you to join some service organizations so you can widen your circle of friends.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Suspects Fiance Is Stepping Out at Dance Club
DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman. My fiance of five years, "Troy," and I live together and are the parents of a 5-month-old baby girl.
We have been going out recently to dance at our favorite club, but every time we go, Troy disappears and leaves me with his best friend -- sometimes up to five hours at a time.
The club has several stories, with many secluded nooks, so Troy is hard to find. When I finally locate him, he's sweaty and has a weird look on his face. When I ask where he was and why he disappeared, I get no answers.
His friend covers for him. My fiance and I have never had a night out without this guy coming with us, and I'm tired of Troy's disappearing act. Something is going on.
He calls me paranoid, but I think if you leave your fiancee every time you go out, something is not right.
Am I being paranoid? Or does he have someone stashed in the club waiting for him? By the way, I make most of the money and pay for the nights out. -- SUSPICIOUS IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Obviously something is up -- another woman, or possibly your fiance is using drugs -- and his best friend is there to make sure you don't find out. I hope you don't actually plan to marry this man, because he does not appear to be financially or emotionally ready for marriage. In fact, it appears he's happy as things are -- with you as his meal ticket.
However, to settle your curiosity, the next time you plan to go dancing, ask a girlfriend to come to the club separately and spend the evening tracking Troy. That should give you a clear picture of what has been going on behind the scenes.
DEAR ABBY: I have the most annoying laugh. It goes from a cackle to a loud screech. I have lost friends over this because people don't enjoy being seen in public with me. Is there anything I can do to solve this problem? -- KRISTEN IN WAYNE, N.J.
DEAR KRISTEN: It is possible to modulate one's laughter, as it is one's speaking voice. It takes practice and discipline, but it can be done.
However, there is much to be said for a genuine, spontaneous, hearty laugh. And those who would end a friendship because they don't want to be seen in public with you are shallow. So perhaps you should reconsider whether you want to be seen with THEM.
DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a friend's house for the weekend. As I prepared to retire for the night, I realized that the sheets were not clean.
I looked for another set of sheets to change the bed, but couldn't find any. It was late, my hostess had gone to bed and -- needless to say -- I didn't have a great night's sleep. I didn't want to embarrass her, but I didn't want to sleep on a soiled bed. How would you have handled this? -- SLEEPLESS IN COLORADO
DEAR SLEEPLESS: I would have slept on the bedspread or outside the covers, and in the morning I would have asked my hostess for fresh sheets "because the last guest forgot to change the linen."
CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS, MY DARLING MOTHER: A Happy Mother's Day from your firstborn. You are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers today and every day.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)