To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Man in Love With His Boss Has Only One Focus at Work
DEAR ABBY: When my new boss, a Marilyn Monroe look-alike, began working here five years ago, I immediately had a crush on her. Two years ago, I began working directly with her in the office and fell head-over-heels, smitten to the bone with her.
She's married, I'm married, and I have never made a pass. The problem is, I have become obsessed with her. I can't stop thinking about her all day. I dream about her at night. I feel I have never been in love like this, and it has reached the point where it consumes every second of my day.
I love my wife and would not want to jeopardize my life with her. But how can I stop this overwhelming passion that I feel for "Marilyn"? Please don't tell me to change jobs. That would be my worst nightmare. I can't picture my life without being at least able to see this woman and exchange pleasantries with her. -- LOST IN LOVE IN TAMPA
DEAR LOST IN LOVE: You said it yourself -- you have become obsessed. This "grand passion" is not only unfair to your wife, it is also unfair to your boss because although she may remind you of Marilyn Monroe, I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that she would rather be taken seriously.
As I see it, you have several choices: psychotherapy, aversion therapy or another job. Because psychotherapy can be expensive, and you won't change jobs, try this: Put a thick rubber band on your wrist. When you catch yourself lusting after Marilyn, give the rubber band a strong "snap." It will not only bring you back to the reality of the task at hand, but also the fact that you're married. With luck, you will begin to associate lusting after this woman with pain, and stop daydreaming when you're supposed to be working.
DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Senior prom is coming up, and there's this girl at school I'd like to ask, but frankly, I don't have the nerve. I know it's still a couple of months away, but I want to ask her before someone else does. Please, I really need advice. -- SCAREDY-CAT, KENAI, ALASKA
DEAR SCAREDY-CAT: There's a saying: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Asking for a date may seem risky because nobody wants to be told "no." But unless you take the risk, you will never hear "yes."
Talk to this girl at school. Start the conversation by asking her something about a class you're in together or what she thought about a sporting event. Then ask if she has plans for the prom. If her answer is no, then say, "Would you like to go with me?" It's that simple.
If talking to her at school would be too embarrassing for you, the alternative is calling her at home. If that's the way you'd prefer to do it, the directions are the same as in the paragraph above.
DEAR READERS: For those of you who live in states with daylight saving time, it begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow morning. So, remember the saying, "Spring forward, fall back," and set your clocks AHEAD one hour tonight at bedtime.
Fun fact: Daylight saving time is not observed in Puerto Rico, Guam, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Hawaii or Arizona. However, the Navajo Nation utilizes daylight saving time -- even in the state of Arizona, because of its large size and location in three states. (Source: Webexhibits.org)
Woman Boldly Goes Where Neighbors Shouldn't Tread
DEAR ABBY: When our real estate agent was showing us our house three years ago, the woman who lives next door walked into the back yard where we were standing to introduce herself. After we moved in, she knocked on our door one night carrying dinner for the two of us. It seemed like a neighborly gesture. We responded with a thank-you note.
Over the next few days, food would be laid at our door, always with a Post-It note saying, "From Bea." Soon she asked us to take care of her cats and plants while she went out of town for a week. We asked if she would reciprocate when we were away -- she agreed.
After we returned from our trip, a woman I hardly knew came up to me at the market and said, "I LOVE your home! I can't believe you even have contrasting piping on the lining of your drawers!" Apparently, Bea had taken her on a tour of our house in our absence. When I told Bea I didn't appreciate it, she got angry with the woman for telling me!
Over the summer, I noticed Bea going quickly from place to place in the neighborhood with a smirk on her face. Without asking, she would take her lawn mower and mow people's yards when she felt the grass was too high. Once she tried to encourage me to help her cut back the branches of another neighbor's tree that she felt was overgrown. Her husband says she never feels guilty, only sad at getting caught.
Her most recent escapade involves a shrub in our yard. In winter it loses its leaves. I came home one day to find it "replaced." I have also discovered that she "befriends" elderly single ladies down the street, convinces them to sell at below-market prices, and turns their homes into rental properties.
What kind of person am I dealing with, and how can we handle this? Is she crazy? -- DAVID IN PHOENIX
DEAR DAVID: The person you have described is highly manipulative, does not respect boundaries and appears to have no conscience. She has no right to enter someone else's property without permission and cut their grass or trim their trees, and doing so could be considered trespassing. As for replacing your shrub, if you could prove she took it, you could take her to court and she would have to replace the one she took with one like it.
I hope you realize that by convincing the neighbors to sell their homes at below-market rates, she is adversely affecting the price of your property because a buyer would compare your asking price with that of other homes that have sold in your neighborhood.
This woman is crazy like a fox. If she's manipulating elderly people who don't know any better, then in my opinion, she's guilty of elder abuse -- and that's against the law.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently went on vacation. He invited his sister to go with us. Every night at dinner, they would reminisce about their childhood -- people they knew and things they did.
I am not from the same hometown as they are. I told my husband it was rude for the two of them to have done that. He feels we have enough "together time" and he did nothing wrong. Abby, what are your thoughts? -- OUTSIDER IN GREENVILLE, S.C.
DEAR OUTSIDER: It is normal, natural and understandable that siblings who haven't seen each other in a while would take some time to reminisce. However, to leave you sitting at the table feeling like a third wheel was inconsiderate of your feelings, if that's the topic that dominated the entire meal.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Boy's Fig Leaf Silences Neighbor's Objection to Nudity
DEAR ABBY: I felt vindicated after reading your response to "Clothes-Minded in Wisconsin" (Dec. 31), who complained that her neighbors' 16-year-old son walks around his house nude. You advised her to put curtains on her window and call before dropping over for a visit.
My neighbor complained that when my 15-year-old son (now 17) changed clothes in his room, she could see through her kitchen window into his bedroom. She told me to tell him not to walk naked in front of his window. I wanted to tell her she should look away if she was offended, but everyone I asked seemed to side with her.
My son's solution? He drew a fig leaf and taped it to his window so her view of his "offensive nudity" would be blocked. I thought it was very creative -- and my neighbor never mentioned it again. -- STILL A GOOD NEIGHBOR
DEAR NEIGHBOR: Thanks for sharing your son's "fruitful" solution. In my reply to "Clothes-Minded," I stated that standards about nudity vary from family to family. And the responses I have received have reflected that. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Americans tend to view nudity as an invitation to sex. It need not be. I lived in Germany for five years. The apartment complex I lived in had a large outdoor pool for use in the summer. People of all ages and backgrounds used it regularly. Few, if any, ever wore a swimsuit. Nobody seemed to care, and there was never any evidence of problem behavior.
I'm not advocating public nudity. However, in certain settings, it is what it is -- natural. -- FRANK IN NAPLES, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are practicing naturists, and I agree with your response to "Clothes-Minded." You advised her to keep the curtains closed to avoid seeing the boy. Naturists know that we live in a "textile" world, and we respect the rights of those who do not wish to view our nudity and restrict our activity to clothing-optional beaches and resorts. I would advise the woman who wrote you to make her objection known -- anonymously, if speaking up would make her uncomfortable. It is the family's responsibility not to cause offense. -- AU NATUREL IN LOMBARD, ILL.
DEAR ABBY: What made my jaw drop was the neighbor's ability to describe exactly what time of day the young man appears in his kitchen every morning to eat breakfast (naked), and even what programs he watches on TV! Granted, this guy should put on a robe, but, Abby -- that woman needs to get a life. -- CANDY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ABBY: As a parent, it bothered me that you didn't contemplate the "other side of the fence." That neighbor should be considered a "peeping mom"! If she knows the young man's routine as well as she seems to, she's been peeping for a while.
Just because they have been neighbors for years and watched their children grow, does not mean she's not guilty of watching a little too closely. My advice to her: Keep your eyes to yourself. -- KIM IN HELENA, ALA.
DEAR ABBY: The circumstances differ, but that letter brought to mind the old story about the woman who called the police because she could see her neighbors in the next apartment building making love. The policeman looked through her window and said, "I can't see a thing." Her reply: "You can if you stand on the bed!" -- MARTIN IN PORT CHARLOTTE, FLA.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)