For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Boy's Fig Leaf Silences Neighbor's Objection to Nudity
DEAR ABBY: I felt vindicated after reading your response to "Clothes-Minded in Wisconsin" (Dec. 31), who complained that her neighbors' 16-year-old son walks around his house nude. You advised her to put curtains on her window and call before dropping over for a visit.
My neighbor complained that when my 15-year-old son (now 17) changed clothes in his room, she could see through her kitchen window into his bedroom. She told me to tell him not to walk naked in front of his window. I wanted to tell her she should look away if she was offended, but everyone I asked seemed to side with her.
My son's solution? He drew a fig leaf and taped it to his window so her view of his "offensive nudity" would be blocked. I thought it was very creative -- and my neighbor never mentioned it again. -- STILL A GOOD NEIGHBOR
DEAR NEIGHBOR: Thanks for sharing your son's "fruitful" solution. In my reply to "Clothes-Minded," I stated that standards about nudity vary from family to family. And the responses I have received have reflected that. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Americans tend to view nudity as an invitation to sex. It need not be. I lived in Germany for five years. The apartment complex I lived in had a large outdoor pool for use in the summer. People of all ages and backgrounds used it regularly. Few, if any, ever wore a swimsuit. Nobody seemed to care, and there was never any evidence of problem behavior.
I'm not advocating public nudity. However, in certain settings, it is what it is -- natural. -- FRANK IN NAPLES, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are practicing naturists, and I agree with your response to "Clothes-Minded." You advised her to keep the curtains closed to avoid seeing the boy. Naturists know that we live in a "textile" world, and we respect the rights of those who do not wish to view our nudity and restrict our activity to clothing-optional beaches and resorts. I would advise the woman who wrote you to make her objection known -- anonymously, if speaking up would make her uncomfortable. It is the family's responsibility not to cause offense. -- AU NATUREL IN LOMBARD, ILL.
DEAR ABBY: What made my jaw drop was the neighbor's ability to describe exactly what time of day the young man appears in his kitchen every morning to eat breakfast (naked), and even what programs he watches on TV! Granted, this guy should put on a robe, but, Abby -- that woman needs to get a life. -- CANDY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ABBY: As a parent, it bothered me that you didn't contemplate the "other side of the fence." That neighbor should be considered a "peeping mom"! If she knows the young man's routine as well as she seems to, she's been peeping for a while.
Just because they have been neighbors for years and watched their children grow, does not mean she's not guilty of watching a little too closely. My advice to her: Keep your eyes to yourself. -- KIM IN HELENA, ALA.
DEAR ABBY: The circumstances differ, but that letter brought to mind the old story about the woman who called the police because she could see her neighbors in the next apartment building making love. The policeman looked through her window and said, "I can't see a thing." Her reply: "You can if you stand on the bed!" -- MARTIN IN PORT CHARLOTTE, FLA.
Active Fantasy Life Does Not Mean You Are Cheating
DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I have been talking, and we disagree on this. Is fantasizing about someone other than your partner cheating? I say no. What do you think? -- "BEAUTIFUL DREAMER," BRIDGETON, MO.
DEAR "BEAUTIFUL DREAMER": It is not unusual for people in the throes of passion -- or even walking down the street -- to take a fantasy side trip. It's not cheating and can enhance the experience.
However, for you and your co-workers to discuss sex at the office IS being "unfaithful" -- to your boss!
DEAR ABBY: After 10 years of marriage, I have come to a realization. I am a terrible housekeeper! I have tried learning to clean better, using new techniques or different equipment. My husband has begged, bribed and fought with me over picking up my stuff. We have a good relationship, though, and this is one of the only conflicts between us.
We by no means live in squalor, but our house is usually messy. Frankly, I'm not interested in housecleaning. I'm not lazy. I'm busy with two kids, volunteering at two different schools, preparing healthy meals, engaging in endless play, make-believe and kiddie craft projects.
My mom and grandmother were also somewhat laissez-faire about housekeeping. Their motto was always, "Happy children are more important than a clean house."
There are so many more interesting and important things to do; I get little satisfaction from housekeeping. Cleanliness is short-lived around here, anyway. I believe there are more messy homes out there than people admit. A little clutter never hurt anyone.
This problem is not family-threatening, but I would like your opinion on it. -- GOOD MOM IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR GOOD MOM: You asked for it -- and here it is. I agree that there are probably more messy homes out there than people admit. However, there is a difference between "clutter" and "not clean."
Your kitchen and bathrooms should be kept clean to safeguard the health of your children and spouse. If the problem is clothing in your bedroom that you have tossed all over, allow me to remind you that it takes only a moment to toss an item into the clothes hamper, hang it up or return it, folded, to the drawer from which you took it.
While I agree that "happy children are more important than a clean house," the two are not mutually exclusive. A disorganized house can also be a sign of a disorganized mind. You're setting a poor example for your children, who will grow up thinking this is acceptable -- just as you did. You should be teaching them to do their part, too.
P.S. Has it occurred to you to hire a housekeeper to come once or twice a month?
DEAR ABBY: My husband reads the newspaper at the dinner table almost every night in front of the children. He says it's the only time he has to read the paper.
Is it rude to read at the dinner table when there are four other people sitting there? -- INQUIRING MIND IN GEORGIA
DEAR INQUIRING MIND: It's not only rude, it's poor parenting. You're doing your part by having dinner on the table, but your husband is shirking his duty as a dad. The dinner hour is the ideal time for family conversation, for him to learn about what's going on in the children's lives and to discuss current events -- providing they are old enough. It is also a time for parents to "model" the kind of manners they want to pass on to their kids.
I don't know what your husband is doing AFTER dinner, but that would be the optimum time for him to catch up on the news rather than hiding from all of you.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Keeping Track of Passwords Is Word to the Wise Online
DEAR ABBY: Allow me to draw your readers' attention to the importance of keeping track of their online log-in information. We all know it's smart to keep photocopies of our driver's license, credit cards, etc. With as much time as some of us spend online, in addition to the billions of dollars we spend there as a nation, it's wise to keep track of sundry log-in details as well.
I keep track of the various Web sites from which I make purchases -- the Web site name, user name and my password -- because various Web sites require different information.
Please suggest that your readers compile this information in a single document and print it out from time to time. Keep a hard copy in a safe place with other important papers. That way, if anything should happen to them, family members will be able to access these Web sites, delete saved credit card information and close the accounts. -- KATHERINE V., EAST LIVERPOOL, OHIO
DEAR KATHERINE V.: You have offered an excellent suggestion, and I'm pleased to pass it along. Readers, because none of us know when an emergency such as incapacitation (or death) should strike, this "insurance policy" could be invaluable to those left to handle our affairs. (This does not apply to those of you who plan to live forever.)
To secure log-in/password information, print out the document you have created and put it in a safe-deposit box or under lock and key in a file cabinet. If you keep the document in your computer, be sure to secure it with a strong password or use commercially available privacy software.
DEAR ABBY: At what age do you discontinue using the term "Master" before a young boy's name when addressing an envelope? I have searched books without success. I hope you can help. -- MS. D. IN PORT CHARLOTTE, FLA.
DEAR MS. D.: Good question. According to my 16th Edition of "Emily Post's Etiquette" by Peggy Post: "Boys may be addressed as 'Master' on envelopes and formal correspondence until they are about 7 years old, and 'Mr.' when they become 18. In between, no title is used."
DEAR ABBY: Most people complain about their jobs because they feel they don't make enough money. My problem is the opposite. I love my job, but I think I make too much money.
My job is mostly simple work that could be done by anybody -- yet I earn almost as much as my husband, who is a supervisor in a technical field. My boss always gives me excellent reviews and doesn't seem concerned.
It's nice to have the kind of job that isn't stressful. But I feel guilty that a lot of people with more difficult jobs make less than I do. Should I tell my boss to give me a pay cut, or take the money and run? -- CUT OR RUN IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CUT OR RUN: I won't reveal your exact location because many people would kill to have your job. The answer to your question is you should neither ask for a pay cut nor take the money and run. Feeling as you do, you should donate every cent you feel you are overpaid to a charity (or to a therapist who can help you overcome your sense of guilt).
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)