Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Parents' View of Gays Leads Unhappy Son to Take His Life
DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with the question of whether or not to reveal a confidence made more than two years ago. My boyfriend at the time, "Jerry," revealed to me that he was gay. We remained friends, but I moved on and started dating someone else.
Jerry never confided his secret to anyone else and, eventually feeling overcome with depression, took his own life. Jerry told me more than once that he knew how his parents would feel if he told them he was gay. He saw the way they snickered when they saw a gay couple. They made it very clear to him that they didn't think it was normal. Jerry was sure, seeing the way his parents viewed gay people, that this was how he, too, would be viewed.
His parents are now blaming me for the fact that Jerry took his own life. They say it was because we broke up. Would it be selfish of me to tell them the truth -- that THEY are the real reason? Or should I continue to keep his secret? -- HIS BEST FRIEND, ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR BEST FRIEND: You should reveal that your friend told you he was gay and was worried about how his parents would accept it. However, when you tell them, do not expect them to believe you. It will be far easier for them to continue pointing the finger at you than to accept that they had a role in their son's suicide.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant tonight hoping to enjoy a relaxing evening of quiet conversation. Unfortunately, a man dominated all the conversations in the small restaurant by continually talking in a very loud voice.
The same thing happened several months ago, when our quiet dinner was interrupted by an elderly woman across the room who talked loudly the entire time we were there. She seemed to be hard of hearing, so we felt some sympathy for her. The man tonight, however, seemed to hear just fine.
Abby, if my children were talking that loudly in a public place, I'd admonish them to use their "indoor voices." How do we handle the situation when the loud speaker is an adult and a stranger? -- INDOOR VOICE, PLEASE
DEAR I.V.P.: Few restaurants today offer diners a place to enjoy "a relaxing evening of quiet conversation." The trend in recent years has been to create a "scene" with hustle and bustle and enough noise that the tables can be turned fairly quickly.
If someone was conversing so loudly that I could not enjoy a meal, I would ask the host to be seated elsewhere. And if that didn't solve the problem, I would find another restaurant that was more conducive to the kind of evening I had in mind and patronize that one.
DEAR ABBY: I make embroidered tablecloths as wedding gifts for my nieces and nephews. Some of their marriages have failed. Would it be tacky of me to request these gifts be returned to the family member for whom I made them? I put a lot of time and love into those tablecloths, and I'd like to see them stay in the family. -- TALENTED STITCHER
DEAR TALENTED STITCHER: You could try asking nicely. Often wedding gifts are divided according to which side of the family -- the bride's or the groom's -- gave the gift in the first place. However, when the divorce is a bitter one, the division of property sometimes must be decided by a judge. The time to get something like this settled would be before matters go that far, if possible.
Romantic TV Ads Raise Bar Too High for Real Life Men
DEAR ABBY: My husband gets aggravated with romantic commercials on television -- the ones where men do sweet things for their wives, like putting jewelry on them while they sleep, or pulling out that special gift at the dinner table. He says the commercials try to make men feel guilty because they aren't like the ones portrayed.
I have tried telling him that men are, indeed, this way, but I couldn't think of any examples other than my brother and my father, who are very romantic.
There are more than two men who excel at romance, aren't there? Don't most men know how to sweep a woman off her feet? -- KELLY IN AUSTIN
DEAR KELLY: Although I haven't taken a poll, I'm guessing that a majority of men know how to sweep a woman off her feet -- which is why the species has survived. However, your husband has a point. Gifts are not the only way to make someone special feel loved.
Commercials are created in order to manipulate the public into buying, and if the amount of consumer debt being carried by U.S. households is any indication, that strategy has been extremely successful.
While diamonds may be "a girl's best friend," most women know that a life partner who gives them attention, affection, praise and assistance when they need it is a jewel more precious than any stone could ever be.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Russell," and I have been together almost five years. He recently started school to become a plumber. The problem is, Russell has dyslexia and is struggling in school. When I try to help him with his homework, he becomes defensive. He knows he needs tutoring, but hasn't put forth any effort into seeking help.
There's a test he needs to pass before his next class starts in May. He has already failed it once. How can I help him? -- DESPERATE GIRLFRIEND
DEAR DESPERATE: Different people have different learning styles. Some people learn from books while others learn more easily by watching how things are done.
Encourage Russell to check at his school to see if anyone there could refer him to a tutor specializing in learning disorders. He could also check to see if any of the local plumbing companies offer an apprenticeship program that will provide him with on-the-job training rather than classwork.
DEAR ABBY: Will you please advise me on how to tell our computer friends not to send "junk" e-mail? My husband and I are annoyed with all the chain letters, jokes, cartoons, opinion letters, cutesy pictures, etc. we are receiving. I don't bother to read them, but deleting them is time-consuming.
Why do people assume we're interested when we never asked for this kind of stuff? All it does is fill up our mailboxes.
I stopped passing along this form of entertainment years ago, but people still keep sending the rubbish, even when I politely ask them to stop. Changing my e-mail address won't help. I want to correspond with friends, and do not want to hurt their feelings. I just want to eliminate the trash. Any suggestions on what we can say or do to stop the junk? -- OVERFLOWING IN TRAVERSE CITY, MICH.
DEAR OVERFLOWING: Maybe you're being too polite. You need to be firm and specific. Reply to an unwanted e-mail by telling the sender that you aren't interested in this kind of "entertainment." Eventually, your friends will get the message.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HUSBAND REFUSES TO GIVE WIFE THE CHILD SHE INTENSELY CRAVES
DEAR ABBY: "Brett" and I have been married for six years. We have no children, although I would dearly love to have one. Brett has a child from a previous relationship.
When I bring up the subject of having a child, he agrees, but when I tell him I am ovulating, he says he's too tired to try, or he makes up another excuse.
I have asked for a divorce several times, but Brett says he will not divorce me. This is extremely frustrating for me. He knows I am taking prenatal pills and buying ovulation kits. I have also threatened to get artificially inseminated or to adopt. I feel as if I'm living in hell. What do I do? -- ACHING TO BE A MOMMY
DEAR ACHING: Forget about artificial insemination or adopting without your husband's support, unless you are ready to raise a child by yourself. Your husband has serious issues about becoming a father again, and it's time you found out what they are. Marriage counseling might help you get to the bottom of it.
That said, you do not need your husband's permission to end this marriage. If you have reached your limit, consult an attorney who specializes in family law. If you married Brett with the understanding that there would be children, you may qualify for an annulment.
DEAR ABBY: I work in retail, and I'm having a problem I am not sure how to handle. Customers almost constantly touch my hands and shoulders. I feel it is an intentional invasion of my personal space.
Many customers have grabbed me by the arm to pull me with them to find where certain items are located. I have a friendly face, and I'm willing to help people, but I do not like being touched. What can I say to make it clear to customers that this is not OK? -- NICKI IN MARYLAND
DEAR NICKI: Discuss this with your supervisor, and ask if your employer has a policy in place regarding touching. One way to solve the problem would be to make sure to stay out of arm's reach. Another might be to see if there is something else you can do in the store that would give you less contact with customers.
If that's not possible, consider looking for a job in something other than retail. But to tell someone that a touch on the hand, arm or shoulder is unwelcome could lose you -- and the store -- a customer, and I don't recommend it.
DEAR ABBY: I am newly married and have discovered how skilled my husband's family is at finding the cloud in every silver lining.
What advice can you offer so I can diplomatically steer our conversations toward more positive topics? With Easter here, please help me maintain my sanity around these sour relatives. -- SUNNY-SIDE UP, ALTOONA, PA.
DEAR SUNNY: When your in-laws raise an unpleasant subject, try this. Smile and say, "This is such a wonderful occasion. Let's have a good time and talk about happy things!" Then change the subject.
TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, everyone!
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)