To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Tolerance for Others' Beliefs Could Help Heal World Woes
DEAR READERS: Today's column is a continuation of yesterday's, with more of your thought-provoking answers to my question, "What do you think is society's greatest problem?" Read on:
DEAR ABBY: You won't print this, but in my opinion organized religion has a lot to do with why the world is so badly messed up.
Although most religions espouse values of kindness, generosity and good works, in practical application, it seems that religion is used more often to divide "them" from "us," and to give people yet another way to discriminate against one another. It isn't limited to wars between different religions; one need only look back a few years to see different sects of Christians killing and terrorizing each other in Northern Ireland. And look at the state of religious warfare today. Muslims are murdering and terrorizing other Muslims in Iraq just for belonging to a different sect of Islam.
If people were more concerned with doing the right things in THIS world, rather than preoccupying themselves with what is going to happen in the NEXT one, our world would be a better place. -- KIM IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR KIM: Your letter has merit, and that's why I printed it.
DEAR ABBY: I have been in this world a little more than 14 years, and to me, the main problem in our world today is lack of forgiveness. We hold onto our anger and hate, thinking it makes us who we are, but really it destroys us.
Abby, I am not naive. I know not all people are good, but I believe people's actions depend on their circumstances and past, and we cannot judge them solely on what they do. If we could forgive people's bad decisions and move on, the world would be a better place. -- KATIE IN JAMESVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR ABBY: It's the "me first" mind-set that is illustrated by the guy who cuts you off in traffic, the young woman who rushes past the elderly woman with a cane entering a public restroom to grab the larger handicap stall when all the others are empty, the young mother who continues shopping with a screaming toddler having a tantrum -- oblivious and not even trying to control it.
It's the co-worker who rises to the top by telling lies or taking credit for the work of others, or the person who cheats you in a business deal.
The bottom line? We have made evil politically correct and faith unmentionable. -- MARTHA IN CRESCENT CITY, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: I think the problem is ignorance -- ignorance of the fact that we are faced with choices every day and can act on them for better or worse. We are ignorant of our own empowerment when it comes to the environment, how we treat others, our society's history that at times leads us down the same path toward war and the destruction of others. It's ignorance of the plight of our neighbors, our community, our country and around the world. There is woeful ignorance of our government, that it services the people, that its prime mission is the safety and well-being of the people, and our own civil rights.
Merlin of King Arthur's round table said, "The curse of man is that he forgets." If only we won't forget that we are loving beings, capable of great love beyond measure, if only we would not ignore so much, but remember just a little. -- MAURICE IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.
READERS SOUND OFF ON WHAT'S REALLY WRONG WITH OUR WORLD
DEAR READERS: In late October, I printed a letter from "Tab in Swansea, Ill.," who asked what I perceive to be the main problem in society today. I responded that, as my column reflects, there is more than one. Then I asked what you, my readers, think is society's greatest problem -- and the roof fell in! Your response was enormous, and I wish I could share all of it, but space does not permit. Today and tomorrow I'll print a sample:
DEAR ABBY: The main problem in our society today is lack of personal responsibility -- from the deadbeat dad to the CEOs of major companies manipulating financial statements for personal benefit. Our society will prosper only if we all take responsibility for our actions. -- MARK IN WEST ALLIS, WIS.
DEAR ABBY: It's greed! The unwillingness to consider how our behavior affects others. We have become so obsessed with material things and a "what's in it for me" mentality that we have forgotten to live by the Golden Rule. -- JUDY IN WICHITA, KAN.
DEAR ABBY: Society's greatest problem is intolerance. It breeds all the other problems. We're intolerant of other people's views, religions, looks, sexual orientation, languages, mode of dress, career choice, whether to parent -- or not. We're in the business of NOT minding our own business. -- MARILYN IN THE GARDEN STATE
DEAR ABBY: It's apathy ... but, who cares? -- MALCOLM IN MIAMI
DEAR ABBY: It's the breakdown of the nuclear family and lack of good parenting. I didn't even know divorce existed when I was growing up. I now work in a high school and see dozens of kids in trouble each day because they don't have proper role models at home. We see girls pregnant beginning at age 14, and the parents just shrug it off. Rude, violent kids were the exception when I was young. Kids today are not loved and watched over. If parents were like they used to be, this would be a safer, saner place. -- MARY IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR ABBY: Technology has outstripped our growth as human beings. People's basic nature hasn't changed much in the last few thousand years -- what we want, need, fear and hate are pretty much the same as they have always been. But in the last 100 years or so, we have gained global abilities. We've created the technology to destroy our planet but have not developed the corresponding maturity -- either as individuals or societies -- to handle the abilities we've developed. -- NAOMI IN BERGENFIELD, N.J.
DEAR ABBY: It's the personal isolation of people today. Business people will not answer their telephones and speak directly with customers. Individuals won't answer their phones at home, but do respond to e-mail and text messages. A generation has been schooled to keep a cell phone glued to their ears at all times instead of communicating face-to-face.
If Darwin was right, future generations will no longer require a tongue because we will no longer converse. Instead, we'll grow extra fingers with which to type and text. -- RON C., SOULSBYVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: The answer to your question is fairly simple. There's no respect, no discipline, no courtesy and no consideration for others. Is my opinion politically correct? No. Am I right on the money? Yes! Thank you, Dr. Spock. (PC is not my strong suit.) -- GARY IN ROCKWALL, TEXAS
DEAR READERS: Hang on ... there's more tomorrow.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Pregnant Teen Can No Longer Hide Secret Affair With Pastor
DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem. I am 16 years old, have a good job and do well in school. I go to a Christian non-denominational church every Sunday and enjoy that, too.
The problem is my pastor. "Reverend Ron" is 48, married, and has children and grandchildren. We have become attracted to each other and have secretly become a couple since last fall.
Every Monday night, after I get off work, I go over to my church and meet Reverend Ron in his office where we have sex. We agreed to tell no one, so as not to shame ourselves or our families.
Six weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant. I haven't told him yet, and we continue with our Monday night meetings. Abortion is not an option, but neither is shaming my family, much less the whole church. Abby, what do I do? -- IN TRUE LOVE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR IN TRUE LOVE: The first thing you must do is tell your mother what you have told me. If there is any "shaming," it should not be directed at you, your family or your church. You are 16, idealistic and inexperienced. "Reverend Ron," however, is an adult who has literally abused his "sacred" trust to you, his congregation and his God. He had so little concern for your welfare that he didn't even use birth control. This is not how grown men show "true love."
You cannot hide this secret forever. At some point the truth will be revealed. Tell your mother now, so responsible adults who love you can give you the support you so desperately need. If you're afraid to speak to your mother alone, then have a friend with you when you do it. The only thing you CANNOT do is remain silent.
DEAR ABBY: My family is protesting a request I have made regarding the birth of my first child. I would prefer that my husband and I be alone with our newborn for at least the first 24 hours after the baby is born. I would like to contact my family the day after to invite them to the hospital.
Both our families can be very loud, as I witnessed firsthand last week when my sister-in-law had her first child. There were at least 20 relatives in her room after her C-section. It became so loud at one point that the nurse had to ask everyone to either leave the room or keep their voices at a moderate level.
I also saw how overbearing my mother was with my sister when she had her son several years ago. Mom says I'm "taking this experience away" from her, but I don't think it's her experience. It's my husband's and my experience. I truly feel it will be more peaceful if it's just my husband, me and our baby that first day. My husband has agreed to go along with whatever I request, but I know he'd prefer his family be present. Your thoughts, please? -- NO VISITORS IN LOUISIANA
DEAR NO VISITORS: Your reasons for wanting peace, quiet, rest and time to recuperate are valid, and you should communicate them to your obstetrician and the nurses at the maternity ward -- just in case news of your labor and delivery "slips out" prematurely. While I understand your husband's wish to have his family present, unless he's willing to undergo the procedure in your place, he should not only respect your wishes but make sure they are carried out.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)