TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the beginning of Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you -- may your fast be an easy one.
Hard Working Freshman Is Adrift in a Sea of Partyers
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Christie," just started her freshman year in college. She's a little overwhelmed and trying to adjust. She is smart, focused and mature.
Christie's biggest problem is it seems that all the other students in her dorm want to do is party. They buy alcohol with fake IDs and sneak it in.
Christie has told the others that she's not a partyer, and has been focusing on her work while her roommate and suitemates drink and miss classes. This makes my daughter not only unhappy, but also feel isolated. I talk to her every day to reassure her that she will find "her" group of friends. Is there anything else I could advise? -- CHRISTIE'S MOM
DEAR MOM: Christie's problem will eventually resolve itself because students who spend their time drinking, partying and cutting class often find themselves kicked out of school. But I'd rather see her do something to help herself in the near term.
Suggest to your daughter that she talk with the resident assistant in her dorm about finding other, more serious students with whom she can room. She should also ask her professors if they know of any study groups she can join.
Christie sounds like a real winner. She should not feel like an oddball for wanting to make the most of her college education.
DEAR ABBY: I was a lonely widow for many years until I met "Carl." We married two years ago, but separated after two weeks.
Afterward, my daughter, "Gail," and her husband, "Don," and their two kids lived with me for 18 months. I was the only one working. Gail helped a little around the house, but Don wouldn't even mow the grass.
During that time I had two heart attacks and an angioplasty. Two weeks before my first heart attack, Gail and I had a terrible fight, and the police were called.
When Carl heard about the heart attack (I sent him a copy of the bill), he called to check on me. Don told him it was "nothing." He said I made it all up, and I was "fine." My doctor said if I hadn't come in during the second heart attack and had the angioplasty, I would not have survived.
A month after the angioplasty, Gail, Don and I had another terrible fight. Gail punched me several times, and I hit her back at least twice. The police made them move out that same night. I don't regret them leaving. They acted like my house belonged to them and I was their slave. I do miss my grandchildren, though.
Carl and I have reconciled, and now we realize that Don went out of his way to create problems between us. I have not spoken to him or my daughter since. My sons, my friends and my neighbors have all told me they are relieved the two of them are gone.
What is your opinion of a 25-year-old daughter who would hit her mother because her mother wanted her own life? -- RELIEVED IN KANSAS
DEAR RELIEVED: Several things occur to me. What you have described is blatant elder abuse. But I wonder where your daughter learned that violence was acceptable behavior. Frankly, I am concerned for her children's safety.
For your own safety, do not allow yourself to be lured into Gail's proximity, because she has already shown she will damage you physically, emotionally and financially. Because you can't fix what's wrong with your daughter, it's important to keep your distance.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Simple Precautions Prevent Deadly, Costly House Fires
DEAR ABBY: The number of fires in the United States has declined over the years, and while that's encouraging, there is still a real cause for concern today. In 2007, eight in 10 people who died in a fire were killed in a home fire.
Practically everyone runs the risk of experiencing a home fire. Most -- if not all -- home fires can be prevented. However, while it may be overwhelming to think about the risk, especially when spending time at home doing routine things like whipping up a meal or relaxing in a warm living room on a brisk fall evening, thinking about the risk and doing something to eliminate it can prevent a home fire from happening in the first place.
This year's Fire Prevention Week public awareness campaign (Oct. 5 to Oct. 11) focuses on preventing home fires and highlights personal actions the public can take to become familiar with fire safety hazards and learn to avoid them. Since 1922, this fire safety observance has brought attention to fire safety issues.
Everyone can eliminate fires with a little extra care. When it's time to prepare a meal or snack, remember that cooking is the leading cause of home fires. Keeping fire safety in mind when cooking, and paying attention to what is on the stovetop or in the oven, can pay off when it comes to reducing the risk of cooking fires.
Most often, these fires start when cooking is left unattended. It's also a good idea to monitor the cooking area to make sure that curtains and other things that can burn are a safe distance away from the stovetop.
Cooking causes the largest number of fires, but more people die in fires involving smoking materials or heating equipment. Taking recommended precautions where they are involved will also help to reduce the risk of people dying in home fires.
Each year, home fires kill approximately 2,500 to 3,000 people, injure another 12,000 to 13,000, and cause between $6 billion and $7 billion in property loss. Don't take the chance of becoming one of these statistics. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT AND CEO, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION
DEAR JAMES: Every year we hear tragic reports in the news about lives that are lost because of fires in the home, caused by carelessness or lack of preparedness. That's why it's so important to prepare for a fire even before one occurs.
Start by making sure that smoke alarms are installed in bedrooms and outside each sleeping area on every level of your dwelling. And remember, they should be maintained and tested monthly.
It is also vital to develop and practice a home fire escape plan, which includes identifying two ways to exit every room, and practicing the plan with everyone living in your home -- especially children. Being alerted to a fire and being prepared to escape from it will help residents to act more quickly in an emergency. The time saved because everyone knows exactly what to do could literally be life-saving.
Also, if you can afford it, in addition to having smoke alarms, consider installing residential sprinklers for added protection. To learn more about fire prevention and safety, visit www.firepreventionweek.org.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HUSBAND IS RACKED BY GUILT DESPITE AVOIDING TEMPTATION
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for a number of years. I'm not what you would call "hot" -– far from it, actually. But for some reason, women have always been attracted to me.
It doesn't matter where I work, there always seems to be some woman coming on to me. I have never cheated on my wife -- never! I have always told the interested party that I'm married and love my wife and kids, and would never do anything to destroy what we have.
About a year ago, my wife and I hit a rough spot. I met a woman who was having problems with her boyfriend. We were attracted to each other and became quite close. We never did anything physically. We never spoke of love, and both recognized that we were only infatuated.
My problem is this is the first time I was really tempted. I resisted, thank God, but feel terribly guilty about it. My head says telling my wife would help relieve my guilt, but nothing else. Ultimately, it would hurt her.
Because nothing actually "happened," should I listen to my head, or should I go with my heart, which says to tell her everything? This is eating me up inside. -- CONSUMED BY GUILT IN N.Y.
DEAR CONSUMED: Perhaps it's time to take a good look at your conduct at work and the kind of signals you're sending to female co-workers. For one or two of them to come on to you might be accidental in a lifetime. But if they're coming on to you in droves as you suggest, it's because you're sending out signals that you're available.
I see nothing to be gained by telling your wife that you "almost" committed adultery. To do so will only create insecurity where once she had complete confidence. Nothing happened, and for that you are to be commended. Because you feel the need to expiate your guilt, confide in a trusted religious adviser who will keep your confidence. And please stop flirting with danger, or you WILL get burned.
DEAR ABBY: To my grown children's dismay, I am in love with a man who is in prison for murder. He still has a lot of time left to serve, and I'm older than he is.
I send him money -- my money -- and write him almost daily. My son thinks I'm "wasting my time," but I am happy. Any opinion? -- MARY IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR MARY: If you are happy, then far be it from me to rain on your parade. However, I must caution you. Inmates have been known to write to multiple "pen pals," involving them in romances and milking them for money. If you wish to continue with this arrangement, please do it with your eyes wide open.
DEAR ABBY: Our first child is nearly a year old, and I am planning his first birthday party. My in-laws and my parents do not get along, and my in-laws have threatened not to come if my parents are present.
My husband and I have made it clear that we do not agree with this. We feel they should be able to put aside their differences for one day for the sake of their grandchild. Should we bend to their stubbornness and have two separate birthday parties -– one for each side of the family? –- TORN IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TORN: Absolutely not. To do so would set a terrible precedent. Make sure your husband's parents know the time and place of the celebration and that they are welcome. If they choose not to attend, then so be it.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)