DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged man who has been married for 20 years. I own a duplex in a nice neighborhood. Last week, I put an ad in the paper and a 21-year-old woman came to look at the upstairs apartment. The problem is, I found her attractive and had sex with her downstairs while my wife was not home.
What should I do? -- COULDN'T HELP MYSELF IN NEW YORK
DEAR COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF: While you were checking the woman out, did you also check her references? If the answer is no, you should hasten to your doctor to be checked for every STD known to man and woman, because you not only had unprotected sex with a stranger, but with one who would ALSO have sex with a stranger.
DEAR ABBY: My son, "Larry," has lost his driver's license until the case can go to court. However, he still continues to drive. Larry's wife doesn't want a confrontation with him, but she is worried that if he should get into an accident, he could be arrested. We're all concerned because with his license suspended, his insurance might not cover any accident or ensuing lawsuit, and his family could be bankrupt.
What should his wife do? Hide the keys? Call the police? -- WORRIED MOM, ONTARIO, CANADA
DEAR WORRIED MOM: You have every right to be concerned, and so does Larry's wife. For an adult, your son's behavior is immature and shows extremely poor judgment.
It's too bad that your daughter-in-law is afraid of a confrontation because that is what it may take. You ask if she should hide the keys or call the police. I have another suggestion. If necessary, she should give your son's keys to YOU, to be returned only after his case has been adjudicated.
DEAR ABBY: I have lived in my condo for three years. My across-the-hall neighbors moved in two years ago. To welcome them, I left a bottle of wine, some bread and a floral arrangement outside their door. I received a gracious thank-you note in return. Since then, we have talked in the hall, but socialized only rarely because I travel frequently for business.
I recently married a phenomenal man. He also travels extensively, so he has rarely seen our neighbors. When he moved his belongings into our condo, the neighbors popped over with a bottle of wine (they have a cellar) and a fruit basket. We thanked them profusely, but I handed the bottle of wine back, stating, "We don't drink, but maybe you could open it and think of us when you do."
What I didn't mention to the neighbors is the fact that my husband is a recovering alcoholic, 15 years and counting. Again, thanks were offered and I wrote a thank-you card that very night. While I was writing the card, my husband gently intimated that I may have committed a faux pas by returning the wine. He thinks we should have accepted it to be hospitable, then re-gifted it to someone else. What do you think? -- NO OFFENSE INTENDED IN N.Y.
DEAR NO OFFENSE INTENDED: What's done is done, so don't flog yourself. However, once a gift is received, it belongs to the recipient to do with as he or she wishes. And the "proper" thing to have done would have been to thank them warmly for their thoughtfulness -- and then re-gifted it to someone else.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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