DEAR ABBY: My sister, after a valiant two-year battle, is losing to cancer. When I talk about it, every single person asks, "How old is she?"
What difference does it make if she's 10 or 100? How should I respond to those people? -- ALREADY GRIEVING IN MINNESOTA
DEAR ALREADY GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy. The subject of death makes many people uncomfortable. The asker may be curious, or anxious, when you bring up the subject. If your sister is older, then the questioner might respond, "Well, she lived a long life," in a clumsy attempt to make you feel better. If your sister is young, then the questioner is brought face-to-face with his or her own mortality, thinking "Oh, my, she's my age -- or younger!"
If the question makes you uncomfortable, just say, "Why do you ask?"