For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Nation Pauses to Remember Sacrifice of Fallen Heroes
DEAR ABBY: Today, Memorial Day, Americans wherever they may be are asked to pause for one minute in remembrance and respect for those who have given their lives in service to our country from the Revolutionary War to the present. Everyone is invited to participate in this National Moment of Remembrance, which has been established by Congress.
For this Moment, we connect with one identity as Americans. Our hope is that this shared remembrance will unify a fragmented society. We need to reclaim this national holiday as a day to honor and remember those young men and women who have left us too soon. They were among our country's very best.
Abby, your patriotism and that of your millions of readers has helped, and continues to help us unite our great country in commemorating our fallen heroes on Memorial Day. We mourn their deaths, but let us be grateful that such heroes have lived. With heartfelt thanks ... CARMELLA LA SPADA, DIRECTOR, COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE
DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for your beautiful letter. My readers and I thank you for the heartfelt reminder.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and divorced. I have been seeing "Jesse" for about three years. He's kind, helpful, and I enjoy spending time with him. However, Jesse has said many times that he won't marry me or even live with me. He is 17 years older than I am, and has mentioned that I should be with someone my own age.
I think Jesse is secretly afraid I won't want to be with him as he ages. It's not true. I love him and treasure every moment I can spend with him. Due to a medical condition, our relationship is strictly platonic, but I don't miss sex that much. It's more important for me to be with someone who is kind and thoughtful.
My friends say I should dump him, and I should be with someone who is willing to make a commitment. I love Jesse, but I don't get to see him very often anymore, and I'd like more from our relationship. I don't need "happily ever after," but I would like a little commitment. -- STILL HERE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR STILL HERE: If you want commitment, you will have to find it with someone else. Jesse appears to be happy with his life -- and your relationship -- just as it is. Please listen to your friends because the more you pressure this man, the less I predict you will see of him.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter was invited to a 6-year-old's birthday party at a sports event. We were asked to RSVP by a certain date, which I did. On the day of the party, my daughter got sick, so I called the mother to let her know that my daughter would not be coming. The mother said, "OK, just give me $15 for her ticket tomorrow." The tickets were part of a birthday package, which I would not have had to pay for if she were attending. If siblings of any of the guests arrived, one of them could have used her ticket.
Also, I checked with the box office and the mother is charging me $5 more than the face value of the ticket! How should I handle this? -- MIFFED IN AIKEN, S.C.
DEAR MIFFED: Send "the mother" $10 along with a sweet note, explaining that in the "excitement of preparing for the party" she must have confused the cost of the ticket -- because you checked with the box office and that's what you were told. (I wonder if you were being asked to also reimburse her for the cost of one slice of the birthday cake ...)
DEAR ABBY: Years ago you printed a poem that said God sends children with special needs to special parents because he knows that they will be well cared for. (These were children with various disabilities.) I wish you would print that poem once again. I am sure it would help many parents who have a disabled child. -- FAITHFUL ILLINOIS READER
DEAR FAITHFUL READER: The poem is very moving, and I'm pleased to reprint it. It was written 50 years ago by Edna Massimilla of Hatboro, Pa., the widow of a pastor, when their daughter, a child with Down syndrome, was born. (She is now with the Lord.) When I spoke with Edna -- who is 90 -- she explained that she wrote the poem to emphasize that every creation is for a purpose, and she's still writing poems and songs especially for children with disabilities. Read on:
HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD
A meeting was held quite far from Earth
It was time again for another birth.
Said the Angels to the Lord above --
"This special child will need much love.
"Her progress may be very slow
"Accomplishment she may not show.
"And she'll require extra care
"From the folks she meets down there.
"She may not run or laugh or play
"Her thoughts may seem quite far away
"So many times she will be labeled
"'different,' 'helpless' and disabled.
"So, let's be careful where she's sent.
"We want her life to be content.
"Please, Lord, find the parents who
"Will do a special job for you.
"They will not realize right away
"The leading role they are asked to play.
"But with this child sent from above
"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.
"And soon they'll know the privilege given
"In caring for their gift from heaven.
"Their precious charge, so meek and mild
"Is heaven's very special child."
DEAR ABBY: I work as a waitress in a coffee shop. Occasionally, my parents come in for breakfast. I enjoy their coming in to eat and visit, but something has been bothering me. When my dad pays for his breakfast, he never leaves -- or even offers -- a tip!
Usually when friends or family try to tip me, I refuse it and tell them I'm just glad they came in. But often they'll leave a tip anyway.
Dad, on the other hand, takes his change and leaves.
Does he not understand that I'm taxed on all food sales and "assumed" tips made for the day? Am I being silly for thinking this way, or is he being stingy by not offering a tip? -- HURT IN HUNTINGTON BEACH
DEAR HURT: Either your dad is a skinflint, or he has taken you at your word when you said it wasn't necessary to leave a tip. Rather than writing me about it, please discuss the matter with him. And if he still doesn't leave a tip, then have another server wait on him while you "visit" with him in between waiting on other customers.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Wants to Win Approval of Girlfriend's Dubious Mom
DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and I have been dating this girl, "Beth," for two months and three weeks -- a long time for me. When we started dating, I told her I had had sex before, and I had just quit smoking and drinking and stuff. Well, Beth told her mom, and now her mom doesn't believe I quit!
I want Beth's mom to approve of me because it'll make it easier for her to deal with me, because I really like Beth. I've been to their house three times, and I've met her mom, her dad and her aunt, but her mom talks about me behind my back. She's threatening to break us up -- but I haven't done anything to her mom. I'm usually polite and well-mannered, but she just doesn't like me. Please help me. We don't plan on having sex. Beth wants to wait, which is fine with me. -- CRAZY IN LOVE, FORT STEWART, GA.
DEAR CRAZY IN LOVE: For one moment, please try and look at this from the mother's point of view. When mothers fantasize about the boys their little girls will eventually date, it is not usually someone who at 14 has had sex, smoked, drank alcohol -- "and stuff" -- even if they say they have quit.
It might help to have a man-to-man talk with Beth's father and make clear to him that you respect his daughter, are in no way trying to take advantage of her, and that you are now walking the straight and narrow. I can't promise it'll work, but it's worth a try.
DEAR ABBY: I am in college. A girl from another country relies on me for all of the information the professor in one class lectures on. I feel sorry for her because I understand how difficult it is to get a grasp on a subject that is taught in a tongue that is not your own.
We exchanged phone numbers because the professor asked us to do so, to ensure that we had someone to update us if we missed a class. Now the girl won't stop calling me, sometimes three times a day or more, to clarify the material.
Abby, I have three children and a husband to take care of, and I'm taking two classes with tons of homework. I do not have time to re-teach the class to anyone. I would have already snapped at someone who was rude or mean, but this girl is excruciatingly nice. What should I do? -- TRAPPED IN GEORGIA
DEAR TRAPPED: Your classmate may have a comprehension problem; she could also be just plain lonely. If I were you, I'd tell the professor what's going on and ask if he/she can arrange for her to get some extra help of a more formal nature. Then I would kindly tell the young woman that, because of the demands of my family as well as school, my time is extremely limited and, if she has more than one question about a class, she must direct them elsewhere.
DEAR ABBY: During the year, I host several birthday and holiday dinners in my home. When I have three generations, should I ask the eldest to give the blessing? If my son and his wife are present, which one should I ask? When I have friends in, should I ask them to do the honors?
I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I don't want anyone to feel left out, either. I have always felt awkward about this subject and never know what is appropriate. -- GREAT-GRANDMOTHER IN KENTUCKY
DEAR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER: The solution to your problem is to ask your guests which one of them would like to give the blessing, or offer it yourself.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)