For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Bald Is Beautiful for Men Unwilling to Hide Under Rug
DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Bald in Baltimore," the man who's considering getting rid of his wig, left me feeling you were advising someone with an "affliction" that isn't normally publicized. (I have false teeth, so should I also have a "coming-out party"? Pun intended.)
My 40-something-year-old son lost most of his hair by the time he was 22 -- thanks to genes from my side of the family. When he was in his 30s, he and a couple of friends shaved their heads on a dare, and he has kept it that way ever since. It's a popular and fashionable look. "Bald in Baltimore" should retire the wig and join the bandwagon with a shaved head. -- NANCY IN SPRING, TEXAS
DEAR NANCY: If my comment about the "coming-out party" offended you, it was not meant to. I was being literal. Many other readers agreed with me that the hairpiece was unnecessary. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: Your idea of a coming-out (or off) party is a great one. He must have a sense of humor about all this. Have a laugh and be done with it. I hope he knows that what makes a man appealing isn't a head of hair but his attitude, outlook, and the way he treats others. When he loses the wig he will gain his freedom. -- DENVER LADY
DEAR ABBY: Hooray to "Bald in Baltimore" who's thinking of ditching his rug. Many women find bald men attractive, and I am one of them. So what if his head is shaped a "little" funny! That's what makes him an individual, like our fingernails, noses or toes. I'd rather see a bald man any day than a "rug" or a "comb-over." That man needs to know he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. And bravo to you, Dear Abby, for suggesting a coming-out party. What an excellent idea. -- T.L.C., CANVAS, W.VA.
DEAR ABBY: I totally agree with your answer to "Bald in Baltimore." My husband has the same problem. I met him when he was bald. We have been married seven years and have three beautiful children together. I think it's time that writer ditches the wig and becomes the man he always wanted to be! -- M.S., OKEECHOBEE, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: I worked for many years with a man in the same situation. His mother also objected to him "coming out" from under the wig. Her real objection was that his baldness made HER feel "old." Perhaps that's what is behind "Bald in Baltimore's" mother's comment as well. -- PATRICIA IN BELLE, W.VA.
DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s. When I was still in college, I met a wonderful man in his 30s. He was completely bald. He explained to me that when his hairline began to recede, he started shaving his head rather than dealing with the anxiety of it. I saw old pictures of him with hair, and I can honestly say I like him better without it. What attracted me to him was his personality, his intelligence, and the fact that he treated me better than gold.
Please tell "Bald in Baltimore" to do what he feels comfortable with and be true to himself. In the end, he'll find it is the best decision he ever made. -- SHERI IN ALBERTVILLE, ALA.
DEAR ABBY: When I read your advice to the man in Baltimore to have a "coming-out party" to get rid of his wig, I thought, "Wouldn't it be wild to arrange to 'shave' his head if people pledged money for cancer research or some other favorite charity?" -- KATHY IN CHICAGO
DEAR KATHY: Yes! I love your idea. Way to go!
Fireworks in Upstairs Apartment Keep Neighbor Awake at Night
DEAR ABBY: It's Tuesday, 3:22 a.m., and I'm wide awake, not by choice. I live downstairs from some newlyweds, "Ike" and "Tina," who moved into our apartment building a few weeks ago. This is the second time I've been awakened by their fighting. I hear loud thumps and bangs and cries from both of them. Because we leave our windows ajar at night, we can also hear what they are shouting at each other.
I am well aware that Ike has hit Tina on more than one occasion. The first time, I was tempted to run upstairs and "save" her. This time, I'm lying here wondering if I should call the police or write a personal note and leave it under the door.
I don't want to embarrass anyone or cause more problems. But I do want them to stop fighting. It breaks my heart. Ike apologizes, then Tina yells and he cries, and she says she wants to leave, and he begs her to stay. I hear the whole thing.
I know the best thing would be to suggest counseling, but that's not my place. I have never met them. I'd hate for something worse to happen, and I refuse to be like half the people here in Los Angeles and just sit and watch the violence go by. So what should I do? Please answer soon. I don't think I can handle much more of this. -- SLEEPLESS IN L.A.
DEAR SLEEPLESS: Someone would be doing this young wife a favor if he or she could catch her when her husband isn't around and tell her plainly that batterers don't break the habit without professional help, and she needs to get out of there before she is seriously injured.
If that's not possible, then the next time you hear "thumping," you should definitely summon the police. Law enforcement officers are trained to handle these kinds of situations, which are potentially life-threatening. The husband could be high on something, or a psychopath. Under no circumstances should you try to intervene because it could be physically dangerous for you.
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I don't know how to solve. When we have family over for get-togethers, my "Aunt Irene," whom we all love, disappears and goes into our bedrooms -- we have three -- going from one to the other looking through our drawers. Nothing has ever gone missing, so we can't imagine what she's looking for. The last time she stayed 45 minutes.
When I asked Aunt Irene's husband where she was, he got embarrassed. He tries to ignore it. I followed her once and asked what she was doing. She said, "Just looking."
My husband says I should close all the bedroom doors, but my oldest daughter had her door closed and Aunt Irene went in anyway.
Aunt Irene always wants to be included and she's good company, but she has this odd habit. How should we handle this? -- WONDERING IN CLEVELAND
DEAR WONDERING: It appears your Aunt Irene is nosy and can't resist the impulse to take "inventory" of your possessions. Few people would be as easygoing as you have been. You do not have to tolerate her snooping. Because closing your bedrooms hasn't kept her out, consider locking them.
If that's not feasible, then the next time you have a family get-together, "forget" to invite her. Should she ask why, be truthful. Let her know now much you enjoy her good company, but you cannot put up with her inspection tours. If that doesn't do the trick, the next time you catch "Miss Nosy" in a bedroom, ask her to please rejoin the others -- and feel free not to invite her again.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Trucker's Wife Feels Abandoned During Long Days She's Alone
DEAR ABBY: After almost 30 years of marriage, my husband "Grant," took a long-distance trucking job. This leaves me alone on many Sundays and evenings, and I'm having a terrible time adjusting to it. I feel sad lots of times, like I'm living the life of a widow. Being a widow is terrible, but living like one while your husband is still alive seems worse.
I attend any social event that gives me contact with people while Grant is away. Sundays are difficult because I am limited to visiting older women who are widows. My children are grown and live hundreds of miles away, and I don't want to impose on my married friends who have their husbands to do things with.
Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but it makes me feel distant and bitter. Do other wives of airplane pilots, traveling salesmen, truckers, etc., feel the same way I do? How can I change my attitude? -- TRUCKER WIDOW IN TEXAS
DEAR WIDOW: The surest way to change your attitude is to start celebrating your independence instead of cursing it. You have too much time on your hands. Buy a pet, adopt a hobby, start taking classes while your husband is away, and fill those lonely hours of separation. You can be as happy as you make up your mind to be -- or as miserable. It's a question of mind over matter.
DEAR ABBY: My son was an Apache helicopter pilot in the Army. He was active in the initial invasion of Iraq and spent a year serving his country. It was a very difficult time for me. Eventually I suffered a nervous breakdown from the stress.
My son is now honorably discharged and safe at home. My problem is that friends keep sending me war-related e-mails and updates. If I know what they are by the subject line, I delete them.
Recently, I got an e-mail about a soldier whose job it was to inform the families when their loved ones had been killed. I had an emotional meltdown when I saw it. I know firsthand the fear that family members feel.
I was driving my car when I heard an Apache helicopter went down and two soldiers were taken hostage. I nearly crashed the vehicle. It could have been my son. It taught me not to listen to the news while driving.
How do I tell everyone not to send me correspondence about the war and the goings-on in Iraq? They have no idea how this affects me. I haven't seen this issue addressed in your column. -- SALLY IN DEARBORN, MICH.
DEAR SALLY: I'm sure your friends mean well, so tell them in plain English exactly what you have told me. You should also contact the physician who treated you at the time of your nervous breakdown and explain that you are still experiencing problems. Some sessions with a psychiatrist who specializes in post-traumatic stress may be able to help you finally close this chapter of your life.
DEAR ABBY: My family is going to buy a new sofa and loveseat because our old ones are in very bad shape. Thye're in bad shape because we have two moochers who use them as their bed. So why buy a new set if it will only end up like the old one? Isn't it a waste of money? -- HOLLY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR HOLLY: Yes, and that is why I'm suggesting that your family wait until you can buy a new sofa, loveseat and an air mattress to accommodate the "moochers." Either that, or learn to say no.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)