For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Young Gay Man Should Shop Around for Welcoming Church
DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but after reading the letter from "Confused in Georgia," the 23-year-old young man saying that he is gay, I felt compelled to respond. Your advice to him was great, but I would like to offer some of my own.
Like "Confused," I am also a homosexual in south Georgia. Because he is having a difficult time with the church in which he was raised, my advice would be to run -- don't walk -- from this "house of worship." If attending church is important to him, then I suggest he visit the Episcopal Church, where I found solace and a warm and comforting family.
I have found it most interesting that in the Deep South, many Protestant churches are inclusive only if one meets their criteria, which is something akin to an exclusive country club.
Also, he is not alone. Homosexuals of all races and religions are born every single day. I have found it somewhat amusing that if the truth be known, there are probably more homosexuals in our churches than at any gay venue. -- VALDOSTA, GA., READER
DEAR READER: After that letter was published, I was inundated with mail from readers -- gay and straight -- from all over the country encouraging the writer to stop being afraid of rejection and to come out already. Read on for a sample from Georgia alone:
DEAR ABBY: No one should have to live with the isolation and fear that "Confused" is experiencing due to his sexual orientation. I live in Atlanta, and while I am not homosexual, "Confused" should know that Atlanta is known for having a large, active gay community. There are many support and networking groups here, gay-friendly neighborhoods and planned communities, and a number of churches of different denominations that welcome gay and lesbian members with open hearts and minds. Georgia State, Emory and Georgia Tech are all based in Atlanta, as well as numerous community colleges.
"Confused" should come and visit. While parts of the South are extremely conservative, a whole new world of opportunity and happiness awaits him in his own home state. Atlanta has the resources, as well as an empathetic community, to help him find happiness within himself. -- JESSICA IN ATLANTA
DEAR ABBY: The theatrical world, which has a large community of gay men, is a place where "Confused" will find many open minds and similar stories. Getting involved in regional theater as a volunteer will help him find an emotionally "safe" activity with which to begin socializing again. We love our volunteers. All he has to do is hand folks a program, and no one will ask questions. It will also put him in contact with many others who may have lived through exactly what he's going through now and enable him to make friends who truly understand. Not everyone in this state is homophobic. -- SYMPATHETIC IN GEORGIA
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Confused in Georgia" mirrors our grandson. If the only way we can communicate with him is through Dear Abby, then we will certainly try:
Grandson, we love you very much and have felt for some time that you might be gay. Does this change our love for you? No! If you decided to come out, you will always have our love and support. Please, make a decision so that you can move on with your life. -- YOUR LOVING GRANDPA AND GRANDMA IN ALBANY, GA.
Couples Learn Divorce Isn't Final Until Decree Is Filed
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Married? In Arkansas," who found to her dismay that her husband was still married to his first wife, I thought I should write. It happens more than people would like to think.
I have worked for more than 10 years on a divorce court staff, and I would advise all divorced people -- male and female -- to request a certified copy of their divorce decree. This official document is available from the courthouse in which they were divorced.
I know of at least two instances where the lawyers failed to submit the decree of divorce to the judge. It was only discovered more than a decade later. In the first instance, as part of the property settlement, the husband was going to buy out his ex-wife's interest in the former marital home. The provision was triggered by the youngest child turning 18. The mortgage company needed a copy of the divorce decree to refinance the mortgage. Surprise -- both the husband and wife had remarried! They had to go through another divorce proceeding. (It was probably more amicable than the first.) But they were humiliated, not to mention furious at the attorney. Then they had to "remarry" their current spouses.
The second incident was very sad. The parties' son was killed in an accident. In the process of filing a wrongful death action, a copy of their divorce decree was needed. That's when they learned their case had been dismissed for "failure to prosecute." Again, the attorney had not filed the judgment, even though the parties had appeared in court and testified.
Please, Abby, tell your readers if they have gotten a divorce and do not have a certified copy of their divorce decree, to get one now. Most attorneys are hard-working and honest. But it never hurts to have insurance, and this is some of the cheapest insurance they'll ever get. -- CONCERNED COURT REPORTER
DEAR CONCERNED: I'm sure your letter will raise some eyebrows, but you have offered some good advice, and I hope my readers will pay attention to it.
DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I'm 14, the oldest of four children. The second youngest is "Rose." She's 8 and was the baby of the family until about three years ago, when Mother became pregnant. Needless to say, Rose was not happy with the news. When we were told a few months later that the baby would be a girl, Rose cried and said she wanted a boy. Then, when baby "Claire," was born, Rose had a temper tantrum because she wasn't the baby anymore. Rose had been so used to being doted on and getting everything she wanted -- and here came this new baby.
Now Rose is continually abusing Claire. She will scream at Claire for just moving something out of place. For instance, Rose was dancing to some music in the family room, and Claire came in with a laundry basket. Rose went nuts. She turned and screamed, "Get out! I'm dancing, you idiot!" Then she went and gave Claire the biggest slap on the shoulder! Claire went crying to Mom and said Rose hit her, but Rose denied it, even though I was there and witnessed everything.
Is this jealousy, or something else? -- STUNNED IN BILOXI, MISS.
DEAR STUNNED: It's jealousy -- and that kind of sibling rivalry goes all the way back to Cain and Abel. I hope you told your mother what really occurred, because your mother's work is cut out for her. Not only does she have her little one to tend to, she is going to have to give Rose more attention. It will alleviate some of her jealousy and also ensure that Rose cannot act out -- and lie -- without punishment.
I recommend that your mother involve Rose in a special activity -- something that is just for her -- so she can feel "special" again. She's an angry little girl, but she cannot be allowed to continue abusing her little sister.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
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FOSTER PARENTS DESERVE SUPPORT FOR RESCUING KIDS FROM ABUSE
DEAR ABBY: May is National Foster Care Month, a time when we celebrate the thousands of foster care parents who play a vital role in helping children, youth and families in crisis to heal. The commitment of these families leaves an indelible mark. They are helping to end cycles of physical abuse, neglect and substance abuse, often enabling a child to be the first in his or her family to go to college.
An example of this commitment and advocacy is a foster parent named Corinne, who, in spite of almost overwhelming odds during Hurricane Katrina, kept her three foster children together in shelters until they could resettle in a new home.
We hope that your readers will join the National Foster Parent Association in showing appreciation and support for every foster parent -- especially during May. While not everyone can be a foster parent, everyone can support foster care. -- KAREN JORGENSEN, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, NATIONAL FOSTER PARENT ASSOCIATION
DEAR KAREN: Thank you for pointing that out. There are many ways we can lend support and influence the lives of young people who -- through no fault of their own -- are in the foster care system. Readers can:
-- donate goods, suitcases, books, games, computers, sports equipment, musical instruments, clothing and school supplies to young people in foster care.
-- learn about how policy, legislative and budget priorities affect children and youth in foster care.
-- mentor a young person. Research shows that children and youth with mentors earn higher grades and improve their relationships with friends and families.
-- help young people in foster care organize a youth leadership or support group.
-- send "care packages" to foster care alumni attending college, and/or become a "virtual" mentor for a young person in college by lending emotional support as an e-mail/online pen pal.
-- become a foster or adoptive parent. Caring families are especially needed for older youth, siblings and children with special needs.
-- explore how your organization or business can encourage people in your community, or your employees, to become involved.
-- support affordable housing options for young people making the transition from foster care -- a critical time in their lives.
-- become a licensed respite care provider as a way of providing support to foster parents in your neighborhood.
-- become a Court-Appointed Special Advocate. CASA volunteers are trained citizens appointed by judges to represent the best interests of abused and neglected children.
-- recognize and honor a foster parent in your community. Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper in praise of someone who is making a difference in the life of a child in foster care.
Visit www.fostercaremonth.org -- an excellent Web site -- to learn more about how each of us can make a difference and change a life.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)