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DEAR ABBY: After 23 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, I came home and caught my husband, "Wes," in bed having sex with my brother. It was a shock, to say the least. That evening, they had gone to a bar and drank heavily. Someone gave them a pill of unknown origin. Wes says he doesn't remember anything until I walked in and started slapping some sense into him.

We have stayed together. We haven't made love, however. I can't seem to get the picture out of my head. I feel like my life has been shattered. I love Wes and want us to have a productive life. How can I forget? -- SHATTERED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHATTERED: One thing is certain, you won't be able to "forget" until you get the whole truth about what happened that night. I find it highly questionable that both your husband and your brother would accept a "magic pill" from a stranger that suddenly rendered two presumably straight men bisexual. The question you should be asking isn't how you can forget, but how long their affair has been going on. You need honest answers, and you also need to understand that you are not alone with this problem.

You and your husband are overdue for marriage counseling, and for your own sanity, please contact the Straight Spouse Network. The members of this unique organization are current or former heterosexual spouses/partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates and mixed-orientation couples. They offer, from the vantage point of experience, personal, confidential support and resource information that can help you. The Web site is � HYPERLINK "" ���. Please don't wait to contact them.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your reply to the "Confused Bride" who asked if she is obligated to invite her co-workers to her wedding if they gave her a wedding shower at the office, I disagree with your advice. You told her that if co-workers throw a bridal shower, "good manners" dictate they be invited to the wedding.

Abby, at my office we have many wedding showers, and almost all are impromptu affairs a week or two prior to the wedding. How could any bride invite the 20 or so people -- along with guests -- at such a late date? By then all of the final plans have been made. Also, some of the showers at my company are quite large. Not everyone who attends is a close friend of the bride (or groom). Some attend just to sample the cake. -- LESLIE A., MORRISTOWN, N.J.

DEAR LESLIE A.: Your letter is one of many I received from readers who vehemently disagreed with my answer. This should teach me never to disagree with Emily Post -- an important lesson. My advice was well meant, but impractical, so I take it back. Sorry, folks.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: As some of you may already know, March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. The American Cancer Society recommends that if you are 50 or older, it's time to get tested for colon cancer. Why? Because testing saves lives. If you have a family history of colon cancer -- or other risk factors -- talk to your doctor about getting tested at an earlier age.

The American Cancer Society offers a free information kit to help you talk to your doctor about colon cancer testing. Call toll-free: (800) 227-2345, and let them help you stop colon cancer before it starts.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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