For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Cross Country Driver Hopes for More Direction on Radio
DEAR ABBY: I have recently returned home from a 3,000-mile driving trip.
Why don't radio stations give their city of origin when they give their call letters/numbers? This would greatly help travelers who are driving through the area when it comes to traffic or weather problems. Sometimes a station will report a bad accident on the "outer belt" that drivers should avoid. But "outer belt" to what city? Am I approaching it, or is it behind me?
The same could be said about weather. The announcer may report a severe storm coming, but unless one knows what city is reporting, again, a traveler has no way of knowing if it's ahead or behind where he or she is driving.
Please help to get the word out regarding the safety value of this one-second addition to these broadcasts. Thank you on behalf of travelers everywhere. -- FRUSTRATED TRAVELER, MANSFIELD, OHIO
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your frustration is shared by many people who travel the highways. I say this because your letter is not the first I have received carrying the same message. I hope that radio weathercasters will give your suggestion the consideration it deserves, because if they do, it could prevent accidents and possibly even save some lives.
DEAR ABBY: I had my first child eight weeks ago -- a beautiful baby boy. I would like to let him stay with my parents; however, my mother refuses to clean her house. The place looks like it has been ransacked. There are piles of old newspapers, old magazines and old mail everywhere.
It's not uncommon to find dirty dishes and utensils under the couch and on the floor. There are TV tray tables stacked 6 to 10 inches high with papers.
Abby, my baby's safety comes first. I'm not germ-phobic, and I know a little dirt won't hurt. But all those rubber bands and paperclips left on the floor could hurt.
Mom acts offended that I won't allow my baby to be left at her home without me. My sister says I'm overreacting since her child "survived" all his visits. Am I being unreasonable? -- APPREHENSIVE
DEAR APPREHENSIVE: When I began reading your letter, I thought you might be. Then I reached the part about the dirty dishes, rubber bands and paperclips left on the floor and realized the place could be a health hazard not only to your baby, but also to your parents, who could trip on the debris and injure themselves. Have you considered volunteering to help your parents clean the house, or treating them to a cleaning service?
I'm pleased your sister's child has "survived" his visits to his grandparents'. However, to leave your child unattended there could be considered child endangerment, so I'm voting with you.
DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I have ever written to you, but I need you to help get the word out.
I was shocked to find out recently that people in their teens through their 40s do not know what a white cane means. Teachers should tell their children in class -- as we were taught -- that it means the person is blind or legally blind. -- H.M.L. IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR H.M.L.: I agree!
Man Discovers Wife's Old Affair Has Rekindled Online
DEAR ABBY: I went into our home office and noticed that my wife had left her e-mail on. I spotted an odd name, so I opened one of the messages and my jaw dropped. It was from a man with whom my wife was having an affair. The e-mails were so graphic as to leave nothing to the imagination. This person is someone with whom my wife had an affair before we got together. He was going to leave his wife and live with her before we met, but when push came to shove, he stayed with his wife and just used mine for sex.
One of the messages discussed a planned meeting that did not take place -- only because he got stuck at work. She e-mailed him and told him he could stop by the house any night after 10 and have sex for an hour or two because our 5-year-old son and I were sleeping in other bedrooms!
She insists that "nothing happened," which I have trouble believing. We have been seeing a therapist who believes my wife, and says that since "nothing happened" it wasn't an affair. I disagree. Am I wrong? -- FURIOUS IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FURIOUS: You now have two problems. You have a therapist who is siding with your wife, and an advice columnist who sees it your way. No, I do not think you are wrong. And unless your wife can come up with a satisfactory explanation for inviting her old lover over for sex under the same roof as her child and her husband, I'd say your marriage is O.V.E.R.
DEAR ABBY: I have one sister. Our mother is deceased. When our father passes away, he will leave a sizable estate to my sister and me, consisting of two homes and various businesses.
Because my sister lives 300 miles away, I will likely be the one taking care of Dad's affairs after his death. This will involve a great deal of time, going through both houses, some cleaning, and too many phone calls to count, etc.
Would it be fair to keep track of the time my husband and I devote to this, charge an hourly fee, and deduct it from my sister's share of our father's estate? Let's face it, fair is fair. -- DREADING WHAT'S AHEAD
DEAR DREADING: It seems fair to me. However, if your father has his faculties, this is something that should be discussed while he's still living so it can be noted in his will. If he's too ill to talk, then speak to the lawyer who drew up the will. You may be surprised to learn that what you have in mind is usual and customary. The lawyer can explain it to you.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Craig," whom I have known almost a year. We have become closer than friends in a lot of ways -- except the one way that counts, if you know what I mean.
Craig likes to tease me about sex, but says it will never happen because he doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Do you think it's fair for him to arouse me and then just run out the door?
Craig says he doesn't want me, but when I go out on dates with other people he gets mad. How should I handle this? -- IRRITATED IN GEORGIA
DEAR IRRITATED: The key phrase in your letter is "he says he doesn't want me." Craig may enjoy teasing you (a power play), or he might be gay (unavailable for romance). In either case, the result will be frustration for you if you allow the relationship to continue as it is. I say, move on.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN COULD ENDANGER GIRLFRIEND BY REQUESTING AIRPORT PICKUP
DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Stressed-Out Driver," whose boyfriend wants her to drive him to and from the airport -- you blew it! That boyfriend -- and you -- are out of touch with current reality. No one in his right mind would permit, much less encourage, his girlfriend to travel alone by car, cab, bus or subway during the hours of darkness as a "romantic gesture." It could result in her suffering severe mental or physical injury as a result of a car-jacking, assault, rape or kidnapping.
Please reverse your stance and caution all women to limit their exposure to violent criminals by avoiding unnecessary nighttime travel, particularly while they are alone.
Personally, I think she'd be better off finding a boyfriend who is more concerned with her personal safety. -- JACK B., COL., U.S. ARMY, RET.
DEAR JACK: Although other readers disagreed with my reply, I think you may have overstated your case. If your thesis is that all women must remain inside after dark due to threat of car-jacking, assault, rape or kidnapping, allow me to point out that those crimes also happen during daylight hours. Would the solution be that women not be allowed out without permission from, and escorted by, a male relative? (Just kidding.) Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The woman who wrote you is an example of modern women today. They expect everything but aren't willing to put forth any effort, sacrifice, or give back to their partner. She should be ashamed of her attitude. I hope her boyfriend recognizes her letter and dumps her, because this is just the tip of the iceberg! -- TONY IN TAMPA, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your answer to the woman who doesn't like to drive at night, yet her boyfriend wants her to meet him at the airport after a business trip. He should use a car service and charge it as a business expense. Why should she subsidize his business travel?
What he calls a romantic gesture sounds more like a gesture of control to me. If he hired a car service, they could both enjoy the ride, giving each other their full attention, without having to watch the road. -- ARTHUR IN OSSINING, N.Y.
DEAR ABBY: What's romantic about dragging yourself out of bed at midnight to make a stressful trip to the airport? Alert cab drivers get paid to do that. I think his attitude is controlling and selfish. Pampered men don't make good husbands. She should get rid of him, or she'll be cutting the grass every week for the rest of her life. -- FRED IN ROUND ROCK, TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: My story is a little different from "Stressed Out's," but it applies. I live near a beautiful trail in California. If you take the path to the left, it takes about an hour and a half to walk, and it is beautiful and peaceful. My husband always wanted me to walk that way. On the occasions when I agreed to walk, I'd insist we go the opposite way, which took only 45 minutes and wasn't nearly as pretty. I had too much to do and not enough time to do it, considering the kids, the errands, the house, etc.
Now I walk that trail the long way almost every day, but I'm doing it alone. My husband died two years ago. Now I ask myself what was so important I couldn't take the extra 45 minutes to go the longer and more beautiful way with him. It's the little things I miss the most, Abby. Life is so short, and there are no guarantees. -- ALONE NOW IN CALIFORNIA
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)