DEAR ABBY: I am 21, and my sister "Callie" is 23. I'm having a problem with her boyfriend, "Jared." When he comes to our house, he constantly belittles me. He calls me names and makes degrading comments about my intelligence, my weight, and just about anything else you can think of.
Callie is present when Jared makes the majority of the comments, but says nothing. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I don't appreciate the way he speaks to me, and it has reached the point that I don't want to be in the same room with them.
I feel Callie should be the one to tell him he's out of line, but she refuses. She says I'm being "too sensitive," and I should accept Jared because he's a part of her life.
I don't feel I should have to force myself to be polite to someone who obviously has no consideration for my feelings. My family is planning a trip in a few weeks, and I know Callie will want to bring Jared. I don't want to go if he's going to be there, but I don't want to look like the bad guy. What's the best way to tell my family I won't be able to attend the outing this year? -- HURT IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.
DEAR HURT: You should be entitled to be treated with respect while you're under your own roof. Your sister's boyfriend is a verbal abuser and a bully, and her self-esteem must be very low if she allows him to pick on you without protest.
Rather than telling your folks that you don't want to go on vacation if Jared is there, enlighten them about how he treats you and how it makes you feel. (He may be trying to make you so uncomfortable that you give him lots of alone time with your sister.) It goes without saying that if Jared can't act like a gentleman when he's at your house, he should not accompany your family on vacation.