DEAR ABBY: The "Smiths" and our family live on either side of "Betty," an 84-year-old widow. Betty is a wonderful, caring neighbor most of the time. However, she is beginning to deteriorate mentally and physically. She has a cleaning service that comes in, a teenager to mow her lawn and a MedicAlert necklace, but she has problems grasping and remembering the major things that need to be done outside her home as well as setting up her medication regimen.
Betty's son lives 250 miles away, but he visits only a couple of times a year. He arrives late one day, stays the next two nights, and leaves early the third morning. Her other children live in other states and rarely visit.
Betty is beginning to rely more and more on us neighbors to get things done for her. While we don't mind helping out in emergencies, we feel someone else should take over her everyday needs. She is adamant about not going to a nursing home -- which I agree with -- but there are less-confining possibilities that I think would be better for her and would relieve us of the responsibility and liability of tending to her.
Should we contact her son, or just start to let things go until things become serious? -- WORRIED ABOUT BETTY, GRAND JUNCTION, COLO.
DEAR WORRIED: You should absolutely contact your neighbor's son and tell him exactly what you have told me. His mother may need the help of a visiting nurse, or even a caseworker to make sure she has what she needs and her property is well-kept. You appear to be caring neighbors, but this should not be your responsibility. If Betty's son doesn't know where to look for help, please tell him to contact a local senior center or the Colorado state agency on aging, which should be listed in the phone book.