What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
GIRL FINDS STEPDAD'S CAMERA IN A PLACE IT DOESN'T BELONG
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I noticed some porn in my mom and stepdad's room. I didn't mention it to anyone. Later, my older sister accused my stepdad of window-peeping, but no one believed her. Last summer, I noticed him outside my window when I woke up one morning. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause a problem.
I have never liked my stepdad. He is verbally abusive. You wouldn't believe what I hear every single day.
I share a bathroom with one of my sisters. Last year when it was remodeled, we noticed a gap between the floor and the basement. (We covered it with towels when we were in there.)
Last week, I noticed what looked like a piece of wood in the gap, so I decided to give it a closer look. It looked like the lens of a camera. When I took a flashlight into the basement and checked it out, I found a cable running through the room and got close enough to see it said "camera" on the back. It faced the toilet.
I don't know who to tell, or if I should. My sister deserves the right to know -- but who else would believe me? I'm just a stupid 14-year-old girl. If I tell my mom, she will kick my stepdad out, and I'll have to go and live with my dad. I'll have to change schools. I'll lose my boyfriend, my friends, my life. Mom could lose the house because my stepdad mainly brings in all the money.
I should have said something when I saw the porn. I feel like this is all my fault. If I don't say anything and it keeps on, it could get worse -- and I'd probably commit suicide from the stress. And what if my friends come over? Please help me -- this is so important. -- DESPERATE IN INDIANA
DEAR DESPERATE: You are not "stupid"; you are a very bright young lady. None of this is your fault. You and your sister are the victims in this nasty business. Your mother should have believed your sister when she complained about the peeping. That she did not is deplorable.
What I want you to do will take courage, but please do it anyway. If you follow my advice, people will have to believe you. Buy a disposable flash camera. Use it to take pictures of the gap in the floor of your bathroom. Then take it into the basement and photograph the camera and the cable. When the pictures are developed, make sure to get several sets of prints. Mail one set to your father. Show one set to your mother, and tell her what you have told me. If she does not protect you immediately, give the third set to a trusted teacher at your school.
Your stepfather is sick and does not belong in a house with young women. Ideally, the police should be notified. If he has been looking into your windows, the chances are that he has been peeping into other windows in the neighborhood. The problem with "Peeping Toms" is their behavior can escalate. That's why you should not remain silent any longer.
DEAR ABBY: I am in love with a wonderful man. He's everything I have been looking for, but he's married and waiting for his divorce to be final.
It has been nearly six months, and he says his wife is prolonging things. I love him and don't want to be without him. I don't understand what's taking so long. Should I trust that what he says is true? -- DESPERATE AND IN LOVE
DEAR D.A.I.L.: If you have to ask me that question, the answer is no.
DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband's pet rabbit, "Blossom," died. My husband -- I'll call him "Edwin" -- went into the back yard to feed Blossom one morning and found her lying dead in her cage. He gave Blossom a little funeral and buried her in our yard.
Later that day, our neighbor's dog dug up the rabbit. When the neighbor came home for lunch, he found the little body on his doorstep. Thinking his dog had killed Blossom, he panicked. He ran out, bought another rabbit that looked just like Blossom, and placed her in our cage.
When Edwin returned from work that night, he was stunned to find the rabbit sitting in its cage munching a carrot. He rushed over to Blossom's grave and, of course, found it empty. Edwin immediately concluded that a miracle had occurred -- Blossom had returned from the dead.
Ever since, my husband has treated the rabbit like a little deity. He built an altar for her and puts flowers on it every day. He sits in front of her cage in the lotus position and talks to her. When I come around, he stops talking until I leave.
The neighbors have since moved, but last week I ran into the wife and she told me the story I have related to you. Thinking it might help Edwin, I repeated the story to him. He became irate and accused me of trying to ruin the only miraculous thing that had ever happened to him. (His mother had a spider that danced to Chopin etudes, so wackiness runs in the family.)
Should I insist that Edwin seek counseling, or should I continue to live with this? I really don't know where it will end. -- AT MY WIT'S END
DEAR WIT'S END: You may not, but I do. It's going to end here and now. According to snopes.com, your rabbit tale is an urban legend, and so old it has whiskers. In January 1989, Johnny Carson (that king of wit!) related it as an event that had happened to a neighbor. In June 2000, a guest told it to Jay Leno. In July 2000, William Shatner repeated the story, claiming it had happened to his co-author. It turned up again in 2001 on the Chris Isaak show. Thank you for sharing it with me. It's still a thigh-slapper.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about where to park when you visit someone. He says you park on the street, always. I say that if I am visiting someone, I should park in their driveway. He says that is rude. Who is correct? -- GINNY IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR GINNY: Since you and your husband can't agree, call the person you are about to visit and ask where it's most convenient for you to park. That way you will avoid an argument and inconvenience no one.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 3 1/2 years, and during that time I have begged him to stop playing "telephone games" with me when he calls me -- especially at work. He will either disguise his voice, or speak to me so low that I can't understand him. Every time I answer with the standard "Hello," he'll respond with "Hello," and this goes on for a few seconds back and forth. It drives me crazy.
How can I get through to him, loud and clear, once and for all, that this irritates me no end? -- TIRED OF PLAYING GAMES IN FORT WORTH
DEAR TIRED: One effective way to send a message is through silence. If the caller does not respond properly after the first "hello," hang up the phone.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
THOSE LOOKING FOR NEW LOVE MUST GET OUT THERE AND MIX
DEAR ABBY: "Lonely in Georgia," the woman who divorced her cheating spouse eight years ago, wrote that she's miserably lonely. I know how she feels.
I was widowed four years ago, and when I was ready to date, it seemed impossible to find "Miss Right." By a stroke of good fortune, I discovered an online dating service that matched me with people with shared personality traits and interests.
My first date was with a lady with whom I immediately felt comfortable. We have been seeing each other for six months, are engaged, and intend to be married soon. I hope "Lonely" finds this helpful. -- "EUREKA" IN ARIZONA
DEAR "EUREKA": Congratulations to you both. Very few people are lucky enough to strike platinum on the first try. I wish you every happiness. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced at 44, and decided to finally do something I'd always wanted to try: country-western dancing. I went not knowing anyone. When a gentleman asked me to dance, he didn't mind that I was a novice. He led me through the basics. He also mentioned free lessons offered by the establishment, and I decided to go. I soon got to know the regulars (even experienced dancers took lessons). Eventually, I met the man who would become my husband. We have been married three years, and I have never been happier. -- HAPPILY PARTNERED AGAIN
DEAR HAPPILY PARTNERED: I have often said that if you want to meet new people, get involved in a new activity. My longtime personal assistant, Olivia, also met the man of her dreams, Richard, while square dancing -- and I agree that it can be fertile territory for romance.
DEAR ABBY: I, too, divorced a cheating spouse. "Lonely" should consider talking to a therapist to help her regain her self-esteem. After I did it, I focused on attending events and functions where I could meet the kind of man I was interested in. I chose museum and gallery exhibitions and the theater, and went with girlfriends. I met a wonderful man at a group for over-35 singles. "Lonely" should get out and enjoy herself. I'm sure she'll find the person she's looking for. -- BEEN THROUGH IT IN GEORGIA
DEAR BEEN THROUGH IT: No one ever met anyone by sitting at home and brooding. The most important thing is to put yourself out there.
DEAR ABBY: My engagement went sour, an abusive relationship followed, and so did many disappointing dates. I decided to stop looking for a man and focus on things in life that truly made me happy. I began substitute teaching and mentoring high school students. It was then that the man of my dreams walked into my life. We married a year ago and are having the time of our lives. Please tell "Lonely" not to give up. Men are attracted to women who are happy and self-fulfilled. -- MARRIED AND STILL GETTING OFFERS
DEAR MARRIED: Right you are! As my mother often used to say, "Happiness is the best cosmetic." And so is a positive outlook. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced for 16 years before I met Mr. Right four years ago. All it took was living and enjoying what I had instead of worrying about what I was missing. Most men and women over the age of 40 recognize the signs of someone "on the hunt." It is a huge turnoff. -- HAPPY IN FALLON, NEV.
DEAR HAPPY: I agree. And that is why I advise people to involve themselves in activities where they can improve their community. There are many ways to do it -- work for their political party, as a hospital volunteer, Habitat for Humanity. Even if they don't fall in love, they can make some wonderful friends and make a difference.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)