Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
THOSE LOOKING FOR NEW LOVE MUST GET OUT THERE AND MIX
DEAR ABBY: "Lonely in Georgia," the woman who divorced her cheating spouse eight years ago, wrote that she's miserably lonely. I know how she feels.
I was widowed four years ago, and when I was ready to date, it seemed impossible to find "Miss Right." By a stroke of good fortune, I discovered an online dating service that matched me with people with shared personality traits and interests.
My first date was with a lady with whom I immediately felt comfortable. We have been seeing each other for six months, are engaged, and intend to be married soon. I hope "Lonely" finds this helpful. -- "EUREKA" IN ARIZONA
DEAR "EUREKA": Congratulations to you both. Very few people are lucky enough to strike platinum on the first try. I wish you every happiness. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced at 44, and decided to finally do something I'd always wanted to try: country-western dancing. I went not knowing anyone. When a gentleman asked me to dance, he didn't mind that I was a novice. He led me through the basics. He also mentioned free lessons offered by the establishment, and I decided to go. I soon got to know the regulars (even experienced dancers took lessons). Eventually, I met the man who would become my husband. We have been married three years, and I have never been happier. -- HAPPILY PARTNERED AGAIN
DEAR HAPPILY PARTNERED: I have often said that if you want to meet new people, get involved in a new activity. My longtime personal assistant, Olivia, also met the man of her dreams, Richard, while square dancing -- and I agree that it can be fertile territory for romance.
DEAR ABBY: I, too, divorced a cheating spouse. "Lonely" should consider talking to a therapist to help her regain her self-esteem. After I did it, I focused on attending events and functions where I could meet the kind of man I was interested in. I chose museum and gallery exhibitions and the theater, and went with girlfriends. I met a wonderful man at a group for over-35 singles. "Lonely" should get out and enjoy herself. I'm sure she'll find the person she's looking for. -- BEEN THROUGH IT IN GEORGIA
DEAR BEEN THROUGH IT: No one ever met anyone by sitting at home and brooding. The most important thing is to put yourself out there.
DEAR ABBY: My engagement went sour, an abusive relationship followed, and so did many disappointing dates. I decided to stop looking for a man and focus on things in life that truly made me happy. I began substitute teaching and mentoring high school students. It was then that the man of my dreams walked into my life. We married a year ago and are having the time of our lives. Please tell "Lonely" not to give up. Men are attracted to women who are happy and self-fulfilled. -- MARRIED AND STILL GETTING OFFERS
DEAR MARRIED: Right you are! As my mother often used to say, "Happiness is the best cosmetic." And so is a positive outlook. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced for 16 years before I met Mr. Right four years ago. All it took was living and enjoying what I had instead of worrying about what I was missing. Most men and women over the age of 40 recognize the signs of someone "on the hunt." It is a huge turnoff. -- HAPPY IN FALLON, NEV.
DEAR HAPPY: I agree. And that is why I advise people to involve themselves in activities where they can improve their community. There are many ways to do it -- work for their political party, as a hospital volunteer, Habitat for Humanity. Even if they don't fall in love, they can make some wonderful friends and make a difference.
Godmother Fears Abusive Mom Is Turning Son Into a Monster
DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old woman. My children are grown and I have four grandchildren. I also have a godchild named "Noah," whom I adore.
Noah's mother, "Fay," didn't want him when he was born, but was talked out of giving him up by her mother and me. Her mother has since passed away.
Abby, I thought Fay would get over it, but she still doesn't want Noah. She blames him for taking her freedom away. The child is only 5 and adores his mother. No matter what she does, Noah loves her.
Fay is abusive. She yells and screams at Noah, calls him stupid and other names, keeps him in his room most of the time, and palms him off on anyone who will take him for a weekend.
This is not a happy little boy. He has so much anger in him at such an early age. Fay was abused by her mother like she's doing to her son. I have tried to get her help, but she says there's nothing wrong with her. How can I make Fay see that she's turning Noah into a monster? The father took off as soon as he found out Fay was pregnant. He has never seen his son. Please advise me. -- OUT OF MY MIND IN TEXAS
DEAR OUT OF MY MIND: Since you are Noah's godmother and there is nobody else, it is now your turn to step up to the plate. You are responsible for the fact that this unfit mother didn't place her unwanted child for adoption at birth. You are only 60 -- you're not over the hill. Why don't YOU take Noah in and give him the love and support he needs -- and possibly psychological counseling to undo the damage that has been done?
I think you already know what needs to be done. If you are unwilling or unable to do it, then pick up the phone and report Noah's mother to child protective services.
DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my twin sister, "Leslie," is pregnant. When I heard the news, I told her I wanted to throw her a baby shower. I have two little ones of my own, and my twin hosted my baby shower when I was pregnant with my first. Leslie was excited and gave me a thumbs up.
Today I was told that an aunt on her husband's side wants to give her a shower, and it sounds as if that's the way it's going to be. This aunt has always been bossy and pushy, and Leslie and her husband are afraid to refuse. I don't expect my twin to offend the other side of the family, but what about me? Am I being petty? My feelings are hurt. -- REJECTED TWIN
DEAR TWIN: Please stop feeling hurt. Rather than being bossy or pushy, the aunt may instead be a stickler for proper etiquette. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette" (16th Edition): "Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should not give a shower, although sisters-in-law, close friends, aunts or cousins may. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but, as with any other gift-giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to a direct relative."
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Ruckus in Racket Shop Puts Owner and Part Timer at Odds
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I own a small tennis supply shop. "Jane," a 16-year-old high school student, works part time for us. Although I am 30, Jane and I have been like sisters. She is a beautiful, responsible young lady, but she has a quick temper. An incident two weeks ago has now strained our relationship.
Jane and I were closing the shop one evening when a man came into the store, flashed a gun and demanded our money. He took us into the back room, produced a roll of duct tape and cords, told us to lie face down and said he wouldn't hurt us. Jane suddenly wheeled around and clipped him in the jaw. Hard! The man was at least 6 feet tall, easily half a foot taller than either of us and looked ready to pummel her.
I stepped between them and told him to just tie us up and leave, at which point he obliged. We were then thoroughly taped, gagged and hogtied with the cords. Despite our valiant efforts neither of us could get loose. My husband came looking for me about two hours later and found us still tightly bound.
Since that evening, Jane has been angry. She believes we could have fought him off, although I think she's a little embarrassed about being tied up. I know he would have clobbered us both at the very least, and I feel I did the right thing. What do you think, and how can I restore the relationship between Jane and me? I still feel ... BOUND AND GAGGED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR BOUND AND GAGGED: Jane has displaced her righteous anger toward the armed robber onto you. She took a terrible risk by striking out at someone who was holding a gun on the both of you. It could have provoked a tragedy.
Because you still feel "bound and gagged," you could benefit from counseling with a therapist who specializes in post-traumatic stress. And while you're at it, take Jane with you. She needs to talk and refocus her anger where it belongs. And you need to put this unfortunate incident behind you.
P.S. Since you now know from experience that you are vulnerable, please consider installing a silent alarm in your store.
DEAR ABBY: I am an average-looking girl. I'm not in the popular group. I used to let a classmate, "Sean," copy my homework because I'm nice and sometimes give too much.
Then one day, in the middle of class, he asked me out. He could have asked me before or after class, or during lunch, but he did it in the one class full of popular people. The entire class hushed, and his best friend was beside him.
I turned him down because he's popular and my parents wouldn't let me date. I didn't trust him because he's popular and I'm an average girl. I like him, but I was afraid it was some kind of trick -- or even a bet. Should I have given him a chance, even though he's a popular boy? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN FLORIDA
DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Everyone deserves a chance, even a popular boy. However, since your parents feel you are not ready to date, you did the right thing by saying no because your parents wouldn't have allowed you to go anyway.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)