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by Abigail Van Buren

Bride Covers Poor Planning With Show of Bad Manners

DEAR ABBY: I received a wedding invitation from "Lindy," the sister of my co-worker, "Lara." I don't know Lindy personally, but I assumed that Lara had asked her to invite my husband and me because we often socialize together.

When the invitation arrived, I immediately RSVP'd that we would attend. When I told Lara, she seemed pleased.

About three weeks before the wedding, Lindy called to say she had "inadvertently" sent me the invitation thinking I was someone else she knew. She said she had too many guests, and therefore I was being uninvited! I responded graciously, even though I felt humiliated. Lara never mentioned the subject to me.

By the way, other co-workers were invited. Now I feel stupid. Was this rude, or is this kind of thing no big deal? -- LEFT OUT IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR LEFT OUT: The bride overbooked her wedding, and the way she cut the guest list was brutal. Please don't blame Lara for her sister's bad manners, and don't waste time and energy holding a grudge. Since you don't know Lindy personally, it's unlikely your paths will cross again.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," and I have been married a year and are expecting a baby. I recently discovered that he has been viewing gay pornography every day for months on our home computer. I have tracked it using the history file, and finally confronted him.

George says it is just curiosity and that he is not gay or bisexual. He says he has never been with a man, nor would he want to. George did admit he has been viewing those sites for about three years.

This has left me feeling betrayed and questioning my husband's sexuality. How can a churchgoing, married man who's expecting a baby, who appears normal and heterosexual, be viewing gay pornography Web sites daily? -- TRUSTING IN TEXAS

DEAR TRUSTING: Because he finds them interesting and exciting and is getting something out of it. Bear in mind that being gay does not prevent a person from being religious, married, virile (or fertile), or "normal" in appearance. Your husband may be so deeply closeted that he hasn't even admitted to himself that he's gay. Your next move should be to insist that you and your husband consult a marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 11-year-old girl who wears glasses. I was wondering: When is a good age to get contact lenses? I realize that it is a responsibility, but how can I tell if I'm responsible enough? -- WISHING FOR CONTACTS IN NAPA, CALIF.

DEAR WISHING: That's something you and your parents should ask your eye doctor. I recently read that although doctors used to discourage children under the age of 12 from wearing contacts, the age barrier has recently been revised downward. If you are responsible about chores, school assignments and your grooming, I see no reason you wouldn't be responsible enough to handle contact lenses.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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