For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Fireworks Displays Are Best Enjoyed From Safe Distance
DEAR ABBY: With Independence Day approaching, I'm asking for your help in reminding your millions of readers about the danger of fireworks, especially to the eyes.
Each year during Fourth of July celebrations, thousands of adults and children are seriously injured as a result of fireworks and pyrotechnic devices. Many of the injuries affect eyesight, permanently damaging -- and in some cases blinding -- the victims. In response, the American Optometric Association (AOA) urges people to refrain from using fireworks and to instead enjoy professional displays.
About two-thirds of fireworks-related injuries are burns. Most of the burns involve the hands, eyes, head and face. Almost half of the victims are under 15 years of age, and 75 percent of them are male. The most frequent cause of fireworks injuries requiring trips to the emergency room is sparklers. (Did you know that sparklers can heat up to 1,800 degrees, enough to melt gold?) A sparkler can also literally poke someone's eye out.
This may come as a surprise, but bystanders are also not safe from injury. Data from the U.S. Eye Injury Registry reveals that half of all fireworks injuries occur to bystanders.
So, on this Fourth of July, members of the AOA urge your readers to protect their eyes by avoiding fireworks and enjoying professional displays from a safe distance. -- DR. WESLEY PITTMAN, PRESIDENT, A.O.A.
DEAR DR. PITTMAN: Thank you for the timely reminder. Although many people, young and old, regard fireworks as harmless fun, the facts show otherwise.
According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, during 2002, an estimated 8,800 people were treated in hospital ERs for injuries associated with fireworks. An estimated 20 percent to 25 percent of fireworks injuries are to the eyes -- mostly contusions and lacerations -- and most of those are caused by firecrackers, rockets and sparklers.
So, a word to the wise: Have a "blast" on the Fourth of July -- but do it in a way that will protect yourselves and your families.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and currently involved with a guy from school. The guy that I was with for a year and a half (my ex) wants to marry me. I still have feelings for him, but not like I used to.
I like my new boyfriend and don't really want to leave him. When my ex and I broke up, it was only supposed to be "a little time apart." My ex showed signs that he was moving on, so I did the same. Now that he wants to get back together, I don't know what to do. Should I go back with him and give it a chance or let him down gently? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS
DEAR PULLED: You are 17 years old and on the brink of a bright and exciting future. Why are you in such a hurry to make a permanent commitment? Since you have already "moved on," you should continue moving on. When the right man comes along, you won't need to ask anyone what to do -- you'll know.
DEAR ABBY: After reading your comment to "Young and in Love in Toronto" -- the 26-year-old woman who's in love with a 50-year-old man -- I was so hot under the collar that I had to take my dog for a two-mile walk, then cut and split a cord of wood in order to cool off. You see, I'll be 84 this year, so according to you, I am "doddering"!
I walk 18 holes of golf, square dance every Friday and alternate Saturday nights, am active in the community and am part-time editor of our local seniors newsletter. And this doddering octogenarian is being married this month to my square dance partner of the last four years, who is 18 years younger.
I hope you get a ton of mail from other doddering octogenarians. -- BOB F., CLAREMONT, CALIF.
DEAR BOB: Did I ever. I had no idea there were so many active seniors until I used the "d-word." I deserved 80 lashes with a wet noodle, and I got it. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My father is running, not "doddering," through his later years. I wouldn't be surprised if he lives to be 100. At 80, dear old Dad went to Mongolia, slept in tents and rode camels. He still works a full-time job, travels around the country and writes articles. He fishes, and walks an 18-hole golf course once a week -- and doesn't use a golf cart. His cholesterol is only 135, and his cardiologist says his heart is as healthy as it can be for an 82-year-old. Please rethink your advice to "Young and in Love." You never know -- that man might outlive her! -- CATHY U., CHOCKTAW, OKLA.
DEAR CATHY U.: You're right. No one has a contract with God.
DEAR ABBY: I resent the term "doddering." Every morning I walk briskly for 30 minutes and do 30 minutes of weight training three times a week. Last year I wrote lesson materials for beginner and intermediate courses in computer training for seniors, and taught the material in eight three-hour sessions at the local branch of the University of South Florida. I sit on the board of a nonprofit corporation, serve on the executive committee of the retirement community where we live and edit our monthly newsletter. I am 82 years old.
One of my neighbors, who is several years older than I, has decided to give up flying and sell his airplane. However, he continues to ride his motorcycle.
My wife volunteers at the regional hospital here. Of course, she's only 79. -- NOT DODDERING IN LAKELAND, FLA.
DEAR NOT: I'm sure many people far younger wish they could be as active and productive as you are. Including me.
Readers, a question I am frequently asked by women "of a certain age" is "where are all the good men?" Well, after reading the onslaught of mail I have received from outraged octogenarians, I have the answer: They're all over the place.
According to Dr. Gary Small, director of the UCLA Center on Aging and respected expert on healthy aging, people who stay active physically and mentally, who eat sensibly and watch their blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol levels, live fuller, longer and more vital lives. His new book, "The Memory Prescription" (Hyperion), details a program of diet, mental and physical exercise, and stress reduction that literally jump-starts brain and body fitness -- and his UCLA study backs it up.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Must Decide if He Loves Alcohol or His Girlfriend More
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Gil" for a little over seven months. I love him, but he drinks a lot. A couple of nights ago he called me, roaring drunk. I told him he needed to stop drinking.
He swore on the love he had for me that he would quit, and asked me how long I wanted him to stop for. I asked him to stop for one month. I told him that if he drank during the 30 days, I'd break up with him.
Now Gil says that the promise he made doesn't count because he was drunk when he made it. He says he would never have made such a promise if he'd been sober. He told me he could quit for a month if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to stop.
I don't think this is fair to me because he swore on the love he has for me. Should I keep my word and end the relationship if he drinks? He's only 17, and I don't want him to ruin his future. -- SAD IN TEXAS
DEAR SAD: He may be only 17, but your boyfriend is already a problem drinker. He may care for you, but it appears he loves his alcohol more. Much as you might wish to, you can't save another person; you can only save yourself. If you're as intelligent as I think you are, you'll keep your word and end the romance so you won't ruin YOUR future.
DEAR ABBY: My niece and nephew were living with their father, "Ron," and their stepmom, "Anita."
Ron walked out on Anita, and she turned and told the children -- ages 11 and 12 -- that it was their fault that their daddy left. They have since moved back with their mother, but they continue to cry and worry because of what Stepmommy Dearest said. (She had also hit my niece with her fist and lied about it when confronted.)
How can I help the children to adjust and understand? They are precious young people who badly need stability in their lives. -- DOTING AUNT IN ALABAMA
DEAR DOTING AUNT: What your niece and nephew need in their lives, even more than words, is continuity. Assure them that you will be there for them as long as they need you. Praise them for their good qualities. Explain that regardless of what may be said in the heat of anger, adults rarely end their marriages because of anything a child may have done.
Have their father repeat what you have said. From your description of the stepmother, everyone will be better off with her out of the picture.
DEAR ABBY: Our marriage was wonderful until my wife cut back on her Premarin. Now she's argumentative and her libido is shot. I'm really suffering. I want a wife, not a sister. I love her dearly, but had I known this was going to happen, I might not have married her. Is there any alternative to splitting up? -- DESPERATE IN ARIZONA
DEAR DESPERATE: Yes, and it involves your wife being willing to level with her gynecologist about the disappearance of her sex drive since she stopped taking the Premarin. Women have been helped by using small doses of testosterone, but this is something that needs to be determined by a physician.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)