For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and having a really hard time right now. My dad left my mom and me about two weeks ago, and I had a miscarriage around the same time.
I told my boyfriend I wanted a break, and now I have feelings for another guy I met about a week ago. He makes me laugh, which I haven't done in weeks. I don't know if I want to get back together with my boyfriend. I do love him -- I just don't know if I want to be with him. Can you please help me? -- FEELING LOST
DEAR FEELING LOST: Sometimes when a person doesn't know what to do, it's time to do nothing. You have been through a lot lately -- in a sense, you have experienced three "losses." You do not need a love interest to make demands on you right now. Your mother will need emotional support until she recovers from the breakup of her marriage. You may also need support because of the miscarriage and your father leaving. Your best bet right now is to maintain friendships with everyone and make commitments to no one. You will recover your balance, but for the time being, take a respite from heavy emotions and drama.
DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and two months' pregnant with my first child. Unfortunately, I have reason to believe my husband, "Anthony," 41, is having an affair. Several times in the past month, I have walked into a room and found him whispering on the phone. Each time he has hung up quickly, and when I asked about it, he said it was "work-related."
When I found a pair of red thong underwear in the laundry that didn't belong to me, he claimed they belonged to his 70-year-old mother who had visited recently.
Anthony also forgot our anniversary.
I am concerned about my baby, and I don't want to be a single mother. Every time I mention my worries about our marriage, Anthony gets angry and threatens to leave. I love him, but is our marriage worth saving? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Only you can answer that question. Offer your husband the option of marriage counseling in the hope that he'll be more forthcoming in the presence of a referee. If he refuses to go, then go without him, if only to learn why you would even consider tolerating more of his behavior.
DEAR ABBY: I am a girl in sixth grade. My parents are divorced. At school, I'm bully target No. 1 and my grades are dropping.
I don't know how to talk to my parents, and I have been begging them to let me leave school. Can you help me? -- DESPERATE IN DALLAS
DEAR DESPERATE: I'll try. Clip this letter, show it to your parents and tell them you wrote it:
DEAR PARENTS: Your daughter is in trouble at school. That is why she begs you not to make her go -- and that should have been your first clue. You are overdue for a serious chat with your child. After that, schedule an appointment with her school principal. Most schools have policies for dealing with bullies, but they can't be implemented if the incidents go unreported. If that doesn't put an end to the problem, go to the school board -- and possibly a lawyer. The situation will not improve unless you are prepared to act on your child's behalf, so don't put it off.
DEAR READERS: I'm still receiving fascinating letters in support of the 13-year-old girl who was ridiculed by her teacher and classmates for revealing that she'd one day like to be president of the United States. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "I Have a Dream" and would like to offer her encouragement:
DEAR "I HAVE A DREAM": I was touched by your letter to Dear Abby, and I want you to know that you can become the president of the United States because of who you are, not in spite of it. I have no doubt a woman will be president one day, and America would be lucky to have you leading us every step of the way.
When young people like you express such a desire to make a difference in people's lives, you should be applauded. Your teacher and your classmates were wrong to laugh at your dream.
What you already know, but they seem to have forgotten, is that we live in a country where every child, girl or boy, has an equal chance to grow up and become president, or a teacher, or a doctor, or a CEO, or the shopkeeper down the street. That is what makes our country unlike any place on Earth. Anything is possible.
But to do the things we believe in, we all have to work hard, do our best, and fight those who do not always believe in us. It is not easy to ignore their criticism, and it is tough to look beyond their doubts. But remember, doubters never made America a better place. It is people like you -- people who dream big and are filled with hope -- who make a difference in this world.
Always remember that the great thing about America is that you can become president, and you should never let anyone tell you different. -- SEN. JOHN KERRY, WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR SEN. KERRY: To say that you are a busy man these days is an understatement. That you would still reach out to help a child says volumes about you as a person.
DEAR ABBY: As the first woman elected Illinois state treasurer, the first woman re-elected to a statewide office in Illinois and the first woman to lead a major party in Illinois, I was appalled by the negative response the 13-year-old girl ("I Have a Dream") received from her teacher, her guidance counselors and fellow students when she shared her dream of becoming president of the United States. As a woman who has fought hard to succeed in politics and government, I truly believe that service to your nation is a most rewarding career.
It is true a woman in politics does have disparities to overcome. For years, women fought for the right to vote, and today we continue to fight for equality in many careers.
Women in government can bring creativity, vision and commitment to the table. We come with a different mind-set than our male counterparts, which makes for better debate and legislation. Both parties need more recruitment of qualified females. Schools need to encourage young women to become interested in public service through career days and mentor programs.
I know that the first woman president is alive. Somewhere out there, a young girl is sitting in her classroom interested in becoming our nation's first female commander in chief, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's her. Best of luck to you, Mrs. President! -- JUDY BAAR TOPINKA, ILLINOIS STATE TREASURER
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Daughter Can't Bear the Weight When Mom Unloads Her Burden
DEAR ABBY: My mother calls me every day to complain about my sister, with whom she has always fought. She goes on and on about her financial problems and lashes out at me when she's upset with other people.
I am only 20. I'm a full-time college student, have a full-time job, and I am deeply involved in a relationship.
I am trying to understand my mother's problems, but lately every time I hang up the phone after talking with her, I cry.
I am young and trying to learn how to handle my own problems. I don't think I can handle hers, too. I have tried explaining to her how I feel, but she refuses to listen.
My sister says I should hang up on Mother when she calls to complain, but I don't want to do that.
I've asked Mom to talk to Dad about her problems. They have been married 30 years. She says she doesn't want to stress him out. She doesn't realize the stress she puts on me.
I know my problem is small compared to most people, but in a few more years I'll be facing the harsh realities of life: mortgage, kids and bills. How can I ask Mom not to call me with her many complaints? -- STRESSED OUT BY MOM
DEAR STRESSED OUT: Your mother is using you like the valve on a pressure cooker. When her frustrations build up, she calls you to vent. I agree it would be better if she talked to your father about her problems, but you appear to be her dumping ground of choice.
Since you can't change her, you're going to have to change the way you react to her. Tell your father that you've reached your limit and it's time for him to intercede -- or tune her out when she starts dumping.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mark," and I had dinner at our friends "Brian" and "Stephanie's" a few weeks ago. Several other couples joined us. Stephanie served the most delicious meal and everyone begged her for the recipes. She said every single one had come from your cookbooklet set. Stephanie said she'd had it for ages and wasn't sure if the ordering information was correct. Would you please tell me how I can get a set, because she also said the recipes were easy to follow and simple to make. I own a lot of cookbooks, Abby, but I can never get enough like that. -- LESLIE IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR LESLIE: I'm pleased your friends' party was a success. Over the years, many of those recipes were family favorites of ours. To order the set, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
The booklets are full of delectable recipes from appetizers through desserts. All the ingredients are simple, and the directions are a cinch to follow. Bon appetit!