DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away after a long struggle with breast cancer. She lived in our home; we were her caregivers, and her absence is mourned every day.
My problem is my mother's family. I have called and written to them, but have had little response.
My 90-year-old grandmother came to our home a few weeks after Mom died and went from room to room taking inventory of things she wanted her "boys" to have. She then called and gave me an additional list of "family" items she wanted for sentimental reasons. I know there is more to it than sentiment. My mother had these things for 40 years, but for some reason, it's not OK for me -- her adopted daughter -- to keep them.
I realize they were only "things," but my hurt is palpable because they represented a family connection I thought I had all these years.
I knew I was adopted, but it took my grandmother to make me realize that in her eyes adoption means "unworthy." Any advice would be appreciated. -- FEELING UNWORTHY IN TEXAS
DEAR FEELING UNWORTHY: Your grandmother's behavior is appalling. Has she always been this way, or could she be suffering from dementia? If she has all her marbles, then please note that the items your mother brought to your home were hers regardless of who covets them -- and cannot be removed without your permission. Did your mother have a will? Did she have an attorney? Please discuss this with a lawyer -- and if necessary, a grief counselor to help you during this difficult period. You have my sympathy for the loss of both your mother and your illusions about the people you considered to be your family.