Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Easter Bunnies Face Sad Fate After Holiday Excitement Ends
DEAR ABBY: Easter is coming. Many families still purchase live rabbits as pets for their children. Parents often think rabbits are good "starter" pets and don't understand what they are getting themselves into. As a result, too many of these poor creatures end up in animal shelters, and children learn that pets are disposable.
Before getting rabbits, people should consider:
(1) Are they willing to make a 7- to 10-year commitment? That is the average lifespan of a rabbit.
(2) What will happen if their child gets bored with the bunny after six months?
(3) Is there a place in their house for a rabbit cage?
(4) Are they willing to pay to get it spayed/neutered and provide vet care?
(5) Do they know that most rabbits hate to be held? Will their child accept that?
(6) Are they willing to ensure that children under 7 won't pick up the rabbit without supervision? Rabbits are fragile; their legs or spine will break if accidentally dropped.
(7) Can they provide three hours of exercise every day in an escape-proof area outside its cage?
(8) Do the adults want the rabbit, too? A rabbit should be a family pet.
If people have questions about rabbits and their care, please ask them to contact my organization. We are happy to answer questions. Our Web site is www.rabbitnetwork.org and our phone number is (781) 431-1211.
Finally, if a rabbit is right for you and your family, please adopt one from a shelter or rescue group. You enrich your family with a new member and also teach your kids the value of saving a life. Thank you. -- SUZANNE TRAYHAN, PRESIDENT, HOUSE RABBIT NETWORK
DEAR SUZANNE: The topic of bunnies, baby chicks and ducklings as Easter gifts is one that recurs every year. I hear from people who work in animal shelters deploring the fact that the helpless little creatures are later dumped when they cease to be novelties. I hope readers will take to heart what you have written, particularly the suggestion that if a rabbit is going to be adopted, a shelter or rescue group can be an excellent resource.
DEAR ABBY: "Paul" and I have been dating for about 10 months. He is wonderful. He is going through a divorce because throughout his 20-year marriage, he was unfaithful to his wife. Paul swears he will never cheat on me because I am exactly what he has been looking for.
Paul's friends are cheaters, too, and frankly, I'm worried he will eventually stray, no matter what he says now.
Recently Paul asked me to move in with him. I am 32 and he's 46. Do you think because he's older now he will really be able to change? -- LOVING AN EX-CHEATER
DEAR LOVING: No, I do not. And birds of a feather flock together. Listen to your intuition. Instead of moving in, move on.
Woman's Future Seems Empty After Fiance's Sudden Death
DEAR ABBY: Maybe your gentle words will help me. The love of my life passed on six months ago, two weeks before our wedding. I feel like a walking zombie who can't remember how to smile. My darling died in front of me from a heart attack. He was staring directly into my eyes. He was only 39 -- I'm 36.
We were planning our future together. I'm so lonely without him. Now I feel as if God has taken his life AND mine. I want to join my darling because we promised each other we'd always be together. He promised he would never leave me. And since he was looking right into my eyes, I can feel his soul inside me. I feel nothing but missing him and his love -- our hugs, kisses, touches.
I've talked to my pastor; that was no help. It made me hurt even more.
My love and I were together almost five years. -- LOST WITHOUT HIS LOVE IN ST. PAUL
DEAR LOST: Please accept my deepest sympathy. Although you and your fiance promised each other you would always be together, his time on Earth was tragically short. I am sure that as he looked into your eyes he wanted you to go on -- to honor the love you had together, but live a full and meaningful life.
Yes, he will always be in your heart. No other relationship will be exactly the same. But if you allow yourself, you can and will have a relationship that is rewarding in other ways. Please have courage. Seek an outlet for your grief by joining a grief support group. Your doctor can refer you -- and so can your spiritual adviser.
DEAR ABBY: Every time I see plastic Easter eggs given to young children, it makes me cringe. I am reminded of the time my toddler received a basket containing some of them. Almost immediately one ended up in his mouth, where most things go at that age.
The pointed end of the egg was a "perfect fit." As my son inhaled, the egg got stuck in the back of his mouth, cutting off his breath. He was unable to make a sound while he was slowly being deprived of oxygen. When his little face began turning blue, my husband became alarmed, reached in, dislodged the plastic egg and pulled it out.
I am thankful that we were in the same room and were able to take such quick action. Abby, please warn parents and others that these "toys" can be dangerous for small children. -- THANKFUL IN VENTURA, CALIF.
DEAR THANKFUL: Thank YOU for sharing your close call. Let it be a warning to other parents of small children -- if you have plastic eggs in the house, get rid of them now, before a tragedy occurs.
DEAR ABBY: I am 13. Three of my oldest friends seem to be drifting away. I have a new friend, "Karen," who is super nice. We share the same interests in books, movies and other things. But I'm afraid if I spend too much time with Karen, my other three friends will desert me. I have been friends with them since second grade. They mean everything to me. Help! -- AFRAID IN VIRGINIA
DEAR AFRAID: Part of growing up is making new friends. Not everyone matures at the same rate. Obviously, you are getting something from your friendship with Karen that you are not getting from your three old friends -- and that is a plus. The answer to your problem is learning to budget your time so that you are not seeing anyone exclusively.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
School Lunch Is No Picnic After Girlfriends Break Apart
DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are in eighth grade. This is our last year together. We'll be going to different high schools in the fall.
"Allie," "Betty," "Carol," "Diane," "Emma," "Fran," "Gail," "Hannah," "Ivy" and I sit together at lunch. The table is pretty crowded, so we took a vote that two people should leave the circle. Allie and Betty had to move to another table. After lunch, Carol said she didn't think it was fair to vote friends out of the circle. I realized she was right, so I passed a note to Diane about not wanting to break up the circle and what Carol had said. I said we should all sit at the same table again. Diane said OK.
The next day, we all got together at our regular table, but Emma and Fran got into a fight. No one liked anyone anymore. The circle was officially broken. Now four of the girls sit at the original table; the rest of us sit at a picnic table. I'm the only one who's friends with everybody from the circle.
It hurts me to see my friends separated at lunch time. Will you please print this letter and let them know it was wrong to break up the circle? I want my friends to reconsider: Remember who your friends are. Think about the good times we've had and that I'm all of y'all's friend! -- BROKENHEARTED IN FLORIDA
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your mistake was in taking the vote in the first place. I'm printing your letter in the hope that your circle can be mended. If it can't be, console yourself by understanding that, much as we might wish it, not all friendships last forever. As people mature, they sometimes change or have less in common.
P.S. You have a wonderfully upbeat personality. If you also have an affinity for languages, you'd be a natural for the diplomatic corps.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman and live at home with my family. My boyfriend, "Stan," and I have been dating for over a year. We're deeply in love and want to be married someday.
However, I have a huge problem. I'm afraid to stay overnight anywhere other than my house. I get scared and homesick whenever I try to stay overnight somewhere else. I know this isn't normal, and I'm afraid I won't be able to marry Stan because of my fear of living away from home. Please help me. -- HOMESICK IN OHIO
DEAR HOMESICK: You may be suffering from a mild form of agoraphobia. Please consult a doctor, because your fear is not that uncommon and you can be helped through therapy and/or medication.
DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old son was adopted when he was 3. He'd had a difficult life until then. My wife and I had read stories about older adopted children sometimes having difficulty bonding to new families, and this was a concern for us.
Last week, when he and I were riding in the car, he asked if his grandparents were going to have an Easter egg hunt for him and his brother as they had in previous years. I replied, "Yes, it's a family tradition." He then remarked, "I know what a family tradition is." I asked him to explain. He said, "It's when you do the same old thing -- only it's still fun."
To my mind, that is the best description of a family tradition I've ever heard. Hope you agree. -- MICHAEL IN MARYLAND
DEAR MICHAEL: I do. And it appears that your son feels very much a part of your loving family.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)