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by Abigail Van Buren

Roller Coaster Romance Is Making Boyfriend Queasy

DEAR ABBY: I need help dealing with my ex-girlfriend, "Ashley." We were together off and on for 2 1/2 years and lived together for a year. It was a new experience for both of us.

About a year into our relationship, Ashley decided she wasn't sure that what we had was what she wanted anymore. I was OK with it. We split up for four or five months, and then we started talking and decided to try again. About three months later, she did the same thing.

It has now been another three months, and supposedly she has a new boyfriend, but she's calling me. I love her and would do anything for her, but I just don't know what to do anymore. My romance with Ashley has caused a lot of arguments between me and my parents. Any advice would help. -- HURTING IN PASADENA

DEAR HURTING: Ashley appears to be too immature and indecisive for a serious commitment to anyone -- her current boyfriend included. If it's love you're looking for, she isn't the girl who can provide it. The best advice I can offer is to admire her from a safe distance. She's a heartbreaker.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband, "Ron," for 12 years. We have always gotten along well except for one thing. He smokes pot -- a lot of it. He says he will never stop. I am against pot smoking, but I've tolerated it for his sake.

My daughter, "Erica," just turned 15 and has become involved with a bad crowd. I recently found out she has been smoking pot with Ron. Ron says he'd rather Erica do it at home instead of on the streets.

Now, if Ron and I have even the smallest disagreement, Erica will automatically take his side. The two of them have their own bond and inside jokes; I feel like an outsider. I would take Erica and leave my husband, but I'm not financially able.

How can I make Ron realize it is unacceptable -- that he should be a role model instead of a friend? I really feel like I am going crazy. Any ideas? -- UNCOOL MOM

DEAR UNCOOL MOM: Rather than behave like a responsible parent, your husband has become your daughter's enabler. I urge you to draw the line. Tell him that you want the house to be "clean" by tomorrow. If it's not, let him know you'll be calling the police to report him for supplying drugs to a minor. Then do it. Let him explain his off-the-wall philosophy to them. And for your daughter's sake, recognize that it's time you started job-hunting. You may need to support the two of you in the near future.

DEAR ABBY: I attended a wine testing a few weeks ago where a guest accidentally broke a wine glass. The hostess didn't seem concerned that he might be injured, but she did get upset that the glass was broken.

Before he left, the guest offered to pay for the broken wine glass and the hostess accepted, saying that he owed her $16. He produced a $20 bill, which she pocketed without offering change -- and later bragged to me that she had made money on the deal. I thought her behavior was inappropriate.

She recently confided that she's going to buy a crate of 99-cent glasses and charge $5 apiece if any of them are broken. What do you think of this? -- APPALLED IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR APPALLED: The hostess appears to be ethically challenged. If she'd cheat her guests on the wine glass, how can one be sure she's pouring the vintage she claims to be? Frankly, I think she's popped her cork, and if I were you, I'd skip her soirees.

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