For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My husband comes from a family of practical jokers. When I first married "Vince," I tolerated it. However, after my sister-in-law, "Vicki," sent a stripper to my office as a birthday surprise, I asked her politely and firmly to stop. All my request did was provoke her to continue hounding me and to escalate the jokes.
Her last "joke" was the last straw. Vince and I had planned a dream vacation to Europe. Vicki called our travel agent and attempted to cancel it over the phone. She had our confirmation number and my credit card information. It's lucky that I'm close friends with the travel agent, who knew it wasn't me. Thinking we were victims of a credit card scam, she ended the call and contacted me at work.
Besides nearly costing us thousands of dollars in unrefundable travel costs, we realized that Vicki had snooped through our personal belongings. How else could she have obtained my credit card numbers and the confirmation number for the trip? We canceled all our credit cards, had new ones issued, and warned Vicki that we're thoroughly checking all of our records.
This has caused a huge rift in the family. While my in-laws agree that what Vicki did was wrong, they insist in the next breath that we shouldn't take it so seriously, and we need to have a sense of humor. Vince and I are standing firm that Vicki is no longer welcome in our home. She has never apologized and seems to enjoy showing up at our house, forcing us to deny her entry. How can we get her to stop harassing us, and how can we get the family to recognize the seriousness of this? -- TICKED OFF IN HOUSTON
DEAR TICKED OFF: Your sister-in-law appears to have gone off the deep end. There is a difference between a practical joke and malicious mischief, a fact that seems lost on the woman. Until she grows up and sobers up, you are within your rights to distance yourselves from her. It may take a restraining order to keep her away, but it might be an effective way to impress the seriousness of the problem upon the family.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 30s with an outgoing personality. A few weeks ago I struck up a conversation with an elderly man in a store. We shared a common interest in computers, so I gave him my e-mail address.
In his first two e-mails, he suggested we have lunch and asked if I was married. I ignored his questions and wrote about other things -- computers and pets. In his third e-mail, he volunteered that he only "co-existed" with his wife and said they were probably headed for divorce.
At that point, red flags went up. I e-mailed him that I didn't think our correspondence was a good idea because it could cause problems for him, even if he was looking only for friendship. I also said I hoped he would consider marriage counseling.
He replied with an angry e-mail saying I had offended him by suggesting that he would cheat on his wife, and that I should refrain from such arrogant assumptions in the future.
I'm not sure if I overstepped my bounds and owe him an apology, or if he is a Jekyll and Hyde who should be avoided altogether. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN CAROLINA
DEAR WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: The right thing to do is stop the e-mails. Delete him from your computer and your life. You do not owe him an apology or any further contact. You thought he was a harmless old man, and you were only half right.
Modesty Must Take Back Seat When Life or Death Is Involved
DEAR ABBY: In reply to the letter from "Offended in the South," regarding hospital gowns, I understand a person's need for modesty. However, I am a health-care provider, and I see the other side of the picture. As a paramedic, we are constantly disrobing patients (including cutting clothing off) to gain access to areas that need examination and treatment. Hospital gowns give us access to IV lines, EKG monitoring, and defibrillation and other medical equipment.
I am always conscious of my patients' need for privacy and re-cover them after I have examined them. Hospitals do provide robes for patients that will cover their backsides. I encourage all hospital patients to request a robe besides the hospital gown they receive upon admission. -- KHRYSTEN, PORT EDWARDS, WIS.
DEAR KHRYSTEN: I'm sure many readers will be interested to know that such garments are available upon request. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Some years back, I was in a hospital that offered a unique hospital gown. It was extremely large and had three sleeves. The patient put the left sleeve over the left arm, the right sleeve over the right arm, and then the gown was passed around the back, and the third sleeve placed over the left arm again. I remember my entire body was covered and I was very comfortable. I wish I could recall the name of that hospital. -- H.E. IN FLORIDA
DEAR H.E.: It's nice to know that such a garment exists, but how practical can it be for examinations or other emergency procedures?
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I had the same complaint as "Offended." I am 6 feet tall and weigh 225 pounds. For years I complained to the doctors about the fact that the gowns were so short. Finally, I went to the fabric store and bought two yards of fabric and a pattern for a wrap-around sundress. The total cost was $12.95. I made it long -- about 8 inches below my knee -- and carried it with me in a tote bag. -- MARCE IN HOUSTON
DEAR MARCE: That's a practical solution for a person who's handy with a needle -- the sewing kind, that is.
DEAR ABBY: Here's what I did the last time I went for my annual checkup. I took along a clean cotton housecoat (duster) and, instead of waiting around in the chilly exam room in a mini-paper outfit, I was warm and cozy in my own garment. My doctor thought it was a great idea. -- COZY IN SCOTTSDALE
DEAR COZY: I think it's a great idea, too.
DEAR ABBY: This may come as a shock, but patients in the hospital are there because they are SICK. Doctors, nurses and other medical staff need access to their sick bodies. Sometimes quick access can make the difference between life and death. So, while the patient's dignity is a priority for health-care professionals, of even greater importance is the patient's life or limb.
I am a nurse on a medical-surgical floor at our local hospital. We are careful to offer patients two gowns -- one over the front, and the other reversed as a robe over the back. If they are bed-bound, we have no shortage of blankets to protect their modesty. Being Southern myself -- like "Offended," the author of that letter -- I know how we love to blow things out of proportion, and frankly, "Offended" has done just that with this gown thing. My advice to her: Build a bridge, sweetie, and get over it! -- RN IN TYLERTOWN, MISS.
DEAR RN: Not so fast. While I agree in principle with what you're saying, our population is becoming increasingly diverse, and it is important that the medical community adopt culturally appropriate methods to accommodate those whose cultures are averse to "the wide-open spaces."
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
It's High Wind, Low Visibility, When Weatherman Lets Loose
DEAR ABBY: I have a different sort of pet peeve, but I hope you will let me air it. If you do, I'm sure it will generate a collective sigh of relief from a few million TV watchers -- and hopefully, a station manager or two might take notice.
The weather reports all start with the terrific computer-generated maps and diagrams presented by both local and national TV meteorologists. However, they insist on standing in front of their display and waving their arms madly around, which is distracting, infuriating, and adds zilch to the report.
A typical example: The weather reporter announces the temperature in Boston is 74 degrees, then he walks across the screen to point at the number on the map. Then the reporter shows how a front is moving from the Southwest, following the station manager's instructions:
"Crouch low, sweep arms around crazily and move to the center of the screen. Stand in front of the home city data. Smile proudly. Point out the local forecast because the map is now completely obscured."
Why can't the old rubber-tipped pointers used by our grade school geography teachers (who stood thoughtfully off to the side while lecturing) be retired from the chalk trays of America and put back into service? Unlike little children, TV weathercasters should be heard and not seen. -- RETIRED TEACHER IN MORRISVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR R.T.: I agree that at times some weather reporters get in the way of the viewing -- and your recycling idea has merit. Thanks for pointing it out. I'm printing your suggestion in the hope that those who need to see it will take it to heart. But I'm not holding my breath, and you shouldn't either.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Graham," and I were married for 11 years. From the beginning, the relationship with his parents was rocky. During the last five years of our marriage, we hardly spoke to Graham's family at all -- his preference.
Graham died last year, and ever since the funeral his parents have wanted to have a close relationship with me. I am having a hard time with it, since we had no relationship before my husband died. I have children, and I think his parents believe that they need to be part of their grandchildren's lives, but what are my obligations toward them? -- FRUSTRATED AND ALONE IN CLOVIS, N.M.
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your children are the only link to their son that Graham's parents have. I'm sure they regret their estrangement from your family more than words can say. Please respect that you are united in grief over the untimely death of your husband. Treat his parents kindly, encourage their participation in their grandchildren's lives, and try to find it in your heart to forgive them. If that's possible, you will all be the richer for it.
DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a disagreement I'm having with my mother-in-law? We can't agree on the definition of New Year's Eve. If the date is Dec. 31, 2004, is it New Year's Eve 2004 or 2005? -- IN A QUANDARY IN WEST PALM BEACH
DEAR IN A QUANDARY: The Reader's Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder defines "eve" as: "1. the evening or day before a church festival or any date or event (Christmas Eve; the eve of the funeral); 2. the time before anything (the eve of the election)."
Therefore, Dec. 31, 2004, is New Year's Eve 2004. New Year's Eve 2005 will be Dec. 31 of next year.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)