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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband's Salon Tan Is Sign That He's Cheating

DEAR ABBY: A while back you listed clues to look for if you suspected your husband of being unfaithful. I'd like to add to that list: a bronzed body from a tanning salon.

My husband, "Jerry," and I are called the "ideal" couple. We're both physically active and in good condition. We've been married 46 years.

Jerry brings me coffee, fruit and the newspaper in bed every morning. He has also seduced, or tried to seduce, my sisters, some of my closest friends and business associates.

When I confront him, he tells me that I have a problem and that I need help -– not him! I am in therapy in order to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

Please print this list again for those who might have missed it. -– SUSPICIOUS NO MORE

DEAR SUSPICIOUS NO MORE: You are a strong lady. I'm sure you'll make the right decisions about your future. I'm also pleased you're getting professional support, because therapy can be helpful regardless of age.

And now, the list:

(1) A sudden change in manner of dress and grooming.

(2) Secretiveness.

(3) Unexplained absences.

(4) Unfamiliar charges on credit card or phone bills.

(5) Hang-ups on your home phone.

(6) More business trips than usual.

(7) Stops confiding in you or asking your advice.

(8) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you.

(9) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either knew about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

(10) Refuses to let you take him to the airport when he's leaving town.

(11) Carries condoms even though you are on the pill.

(12) Deletes incoming phone numbers from caller ID.

(13) Leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Speedstick.

(14) Becomes accusatory, asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

(15) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

(16) Buys himself new underwear.

(17) Insists that the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

(18) Stops wearing his wedding ring.

(19) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

(20) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

(21) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his neck or back.

(22) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

(23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

(24) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

(25) Has a sudden preoccupation with his appearance.

(26) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

(27) Works long hours on weekends, but is never at his desk to answer the phone. Then calls back later with a reason, such as, "I was working in the conference room where there is more space."

(28) Has lots of "emergency errands." Then comes home empty-handed, saying, "They didn't have what I needed."

(29) And the telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask the question in the first place. Listen to your gut!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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