To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR READERS: Rise and shine, and welcome to the New Year! This is our chance for a new beginning, the day we discard destructive habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I'm printing Dear Abby's oft-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only for today. And just for today, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me last year, too late to print for New Year's. It was sent by a reader, I.J. Bhatia, who lives in New Delhi, India, with the following message:
DEAR ABBY: Every year we make New Year's resolutions -- only to break them. This year no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature." The following Prayer of Saint Francis contains a powerful message:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
May we find peace and joy in this new year.
To one and all, a happy, healthy 2004! -- Love, ABBY
Online Bargain Hunter Pays Premium for Painful Scam
DEAR ABBY: The price of the laptop computer I purchased on the Internet seemed too good to be true. That should have been my first clue. However, the seller seemed pleasant, had an excellent rating and great reviews.
Via e-mail, he said he was a reseller of computers and he had an excess of this model. According to him, the money would be safe in escrow through Western Union and he was affiliated with Safe Trading, a well-known online security company. I had 10 days to return the computer and get my money back if I wasn't completely satisfied. Otherwise, after 10 days, he would collect his money from escrow.
He was selling from Spain, but only once did I question him about possible problems. What an expert he was at saying the things I wanted to hear about his online accolades and e-mail references. I even apologized for implying that he might be capable of wrongdoing.
Well, my money is gone. The escrow and good reviews were fake. The issue is "being investigated."
Recovery will be difficult or impossible because the $1,000 was wired from my bank by me. This scammer was an expert, and I trusted him. -- SADDER BUT WISER
DEAR WISER: This may seem pessimistic, but if it seems too good to be true, it probably IS too good to be true. I'm printing your warning so others will not be so easily taken advantage of. Caveat emptor -- let the buyer beware.
DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to America from Germany because of a four-year, long-distance relationship with my now live-in boyfriend, "Warren."
Things were great when we lived apart. We'd spend months together when I had time off from the university.
Now that I live in his homeland, he spends most of his money gambling on the horses. It has reached the point that he can't afford to pay rent because of his gambling.
I am looking for work. He is gone all night at the races or betting online. It is starting to ruin our relationship. I realize now I came here for a stranger. I have threatened to go back to Germany if he does not change. I told Warren it was the horses or me. Was I wrong to issue an ultimatum? -- ME OR THE HORSES
DEAR ME OR THE HORSES: You were right to draw the line. The "rush" some people get from gambling is the same as the rush addicts get from drugs -- and it can be just as addictive. If Warren is unwilling to get help for his gambling addiction, your wisest move would be to cut your losses, tell him auf Wiedersehen and return home.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old professional who works at an upscale retail company. I am very soft-spoken.
When people talk to me on the phone, they often address me as "sweetie" or "honey." It is incredibly demeaning.
How can I politely get co-workers and clients to treat me like an adult and not call me little-girl names? -- FED UP WITH SOUNDING YOUNG
DEAR FED UP: Rather than trying to correct them, consider consulting a speech therapist. Lowering the register of your telephone voice and speaking in a more authoritative tone should solve your problem.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: A word to the wise. If you plan to toast the New Year tonight, please appoint a designated driver. And on this night especially, designated drivers should remember to drive defensively. To one and all -- a happy, healthy New Year.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "John" for 11 years. We have four beautiful children. John earns enough money so I can be a stay-at-home mom to our little ones.
My problem is, John's sexual appetite is insatiable. It's driving me crazy. He demands sex twice a day and more often on weekends. If I tell him I'm tired or stressed, he threatens to find a girlfriend or a hooker. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Please help me. -- SEX SLAVE IN WICHITA
DEAR SEX SLAVE: With four children under the age of 10, it's no wonder you're feeling tired and stressed. Has your husband always been this way? If this is new behavior, he may need to be physically and neurologically evaluated by a physician. If it is not new behavior, then I hope you realize your problem isn't about sex as much as it is about dominance. Your husband is using sex as a bludgeon to keep you in line and show you who's boss.
Marriage is supposed to be a union, a partnership. Marriage counseling could help you both bring your real issues out into the open and improve the level of communication between you. If John refuses, go without him so you can learn assertiveness skills. If you continue to tolerate the status quo, well, your signature says it all.
DEAR ABBY: Recently I began a wonderful relationship with "Arnie," the man of my dreams.
My problem is, he is hiding our relationship from certain members of his family. He told his youngest daughter about me, and she likes me so much she calls me Mom.
Arnie and his daughter tell me to remain silent when other family members call on the phone. If one of them comes to the door, they tell me to hide in another room.
Should I be concerned about this? Or should I let Arnie decide when it's time to tell the rest of his family? -- STRESSED-OUT IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Something is not kosher here. Could Arnie be ashamed of you? Could he still be married? By all means, you should be concerned. If you continue to tolerate this behavior, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with an 11-year-old daughter. We live in a small two-bedroom apartment.
My sister, her husband and their three kids moved in with us from out of state because they didn't like it where they were. When they arrived, my sister said they would only stay for two weeks. That was three months ago.
In addition, they are broke. My brother-in-law lost his job and is not looking for another one. I work but make just enough for my daughter and me.
They're costing me a fortune. My electricity bill has doubled, plus there is no privacy. Please help! -- DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
DEAR DAMSEL: You've been a supportive sister. Now it's time to draw the line. Set a date for them to move out and stick to it. Enough is enough.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)