DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I divorced after 29 years. Both of us made a mess of our marriage. Three years of marriage counseling couldn't undo the infidelity and multiple personal problems we had accumulated. There is still a deep reservoir of hurt and anger over those years, but both of us have moved on with other relationships.
The problem is for the past 16 years, my daughter, "Lili," has lived with her mother, who apparently filled her head with all of my transgressions. Lili refuses to have anything to do with me. Nothing I did was any worse than what her mother did -- but, of course, Lili wasn't hearing that side of the story.
My sons and I get along well. They seem to understand that neither of their parents was an angel. They accept my ex and me, warts and all. Even though we live 3,000 miles apart, I send my daughter birthday cards, gifts for her birthday, Christmas and Valentine's Day, etc. She ignores me -- and the silence hurts.
I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Should I continue trying to reach out to her? Or should I just forget I have a daughter? Sixteen years of a one-way relationship is heartbreaking. -- IMPERFECT POP IN PHILADELPHIA
DEAR POP: By not acknowledging your conciliatory gestures, your daughter is sending you a message. Accept it. I agree, 16 years of rejection is enough. Perhaps one day your daughter will get the full story from her brothers and come to understand the multiple reasons why you and your wife divorced. In the meantime, please don't set yourself up to be hurt again and again.