DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school 10 years ago, I had a huge crush on "Jimmy." We were friends -- nothing more. After graduation, Jimmy and I went our separate ways.
I eventually met someone else and I am now happily married with two young children. However, I have never completely forgotten Jimmy. I look for him from time to time on the Internet -- and daydream about him often.
My high school reunion was last summer. For the first time in a decade, I finally saw Jimmy again and met his wife. To my disappointment, we did not pick up where we left off and had very little to say to each other. But seeing him gave me butterflies in my stomach. My daydreams about him are now stronger than ever.
Why can't I get him out of my mind? I know nothing is ever going to happen, but I feel like I'm being unfaithful to my husband. Please help.-- DISTRACTED WIFE IN THE LONE STAR STATE
DEAR DISTRACTED WIFE: You need to find out why you have chosen to obsess about a romance that never was and never will be. Until you do, you'll never be completely satisfied. Please don't think you're alone in having this problem. Fishermen and hunters often can't forget "the one that got away." Individual counseling will help you get the answers you're looking for.
DEAR ABBY: My husband died one year ago. I wore a gray outfit to his funeral instead of the traditional one. I have the feeling that some of the people there thought it was strange.
In recent years, I have noticed that some brides have worn a pale pink or an off-white gown, and I have seen bridesmaids wearing black taffeta with red. If this trend is acceptable, was my wearing a gray outfit at my husband's funeral OK? This has bothered me for a year. Please advise. -- WORRIED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WORRIED: Subdued colors are proper attire for a funeral; therefore, gray is perfectly acceptable.
If any of the attendees were more preoccupied with what you wore in your time of grief than in paying their respects, they have too much time on their hands. Please do not make their "problems" your own. Let it go.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jake," and I have been fighting a lot lately. He says I am controlling and possessive.
I am a 32-year-old divorced mother of two. Jake is 31, and we have been dating nearly two years. The problem is, Jake used to see his friends two or three times a month, but for the past two weeks he has been going out with these single, balding, wannabe frat boys six or seven nights. He justifies it by accusing me of being controlling, and saying he never gets to hang out with his buddies anymore.
I admit I do make comments about his friends, who think beer is a breakfast drink. When Jake is with them, he becomes one of them -- rude and crude. This concerns me because I have two young children, and Jake and I have talked about making a life together. I'm starting to wonder what kind of life that might be.
What do you think? -- POSSESSIVE? IN BUFFALO, N.Y.
DEAR POSSESSIVE?: Two weeks is not a long time, but you are asking intelligent questions. Birds of a feather usually flock together -- and from your description of Jake, he may not yet be ready to build a marriage nest with you or anyone. Be patient for a few weeks. Refrain from finger-pointing. If Jake continues in this vein, then it's time for you to have a truth session.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600