DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Howard," and I are in our early 40s with two young children. I have had a problem with my father-in-law my entire marriage. He expects Howard to entertain him on weekends. As it is, they see each other Monday through Friday because they work together. My father-in-law is married, but he doesn't want to be home with his wife on weekends -- he'd rather spend time fishing or bowling with his son.
I think Howard should be with our children and me on the weekends. When I complain to him about it, Howard accuses me of nagging. This Saturday morning when I objected, Howard stalked out and said over his shoulder, "See you tonight!" It's impossible to make plans for the weekends because Howard won't agree to anything until he checks with his dad first to see if HE wants to do something.
Am I selfish to want my husband's attention for our children and me on weekends? After all, his dad already sees him far more than we do. Should I try to accept this, or tell my husband to either grow up or move in with his dad? Please help me, Abby. The tension between us is unbearable. -- DESPERATE WIFE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR DESPERATE WIFE: Your father-in-law is, and has been, a terrible role model for his son. Your husband is no longer a child; he is a grown man with responsibilities of his own that he is shirking.
Since Howard doesn't want to hear it from you, your next move should be to get some marriage counseling. If he won't go with you, take your mother-in-law and go without him. It may come to light that because of their business relationship, Howard feels he can't say no to Dad for fear of jeopardizing his financial obligations to you and the children. Whatever the reason, it needs to be brought out into the open.