Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CHECKLIST FOR CHECKUPS WILL HELP READERS STAY HEALTHY
DEAR ABBY: People want to stay healthy at any age. In order to accomplish that, they need the most current information on how to prevent disease. They also need a practical tool to help them when they talk to their doctors.
The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ), part of the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS), has developed screening test checklists for women and men, which include the most recent recommendations from the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. They describe which tests you need, when and why.
"Women: Stay Healthy at Any Age, A Checklist for Your Next Checkup" lists screening tests such as mammograms, Pap smears, colorectal cancer and depression, and pointers on eating a healthy diet and quitting smoking.
"Men: Stay Healthy at Any Age, A Checklist for Your Next Checkup" contains a similar checklist, including prostate cancer screening, STDs, cholesterol checks, blood pressure and an immunization schedule.
I hope you will pass the word along to your readers, Abby. -- TOMMY G. THOMPSON, SECRETARY, HHS
DEAR SECRETARY THOMPSON: Thank you for a helpful letter. Effective medical care consists not only of curing illness, but also in giving people the necessary tools to prevent disease.
Dear Abby readers can request these free, pocket-size booklets in English or Spanish by calling the AHRQ publications clearinghouse toll-free: (800) 358-9295, or sending an e-mail: ahrqpubs@ahrq.gov. To download these prevention and wellness booklets -- and many others -- visit the Web site: www.ahrq.gov/consumer.
DEAR ABBY: I am home for the summer after my freshman year at college and need some advice about my mother's behavior.
Before I left, I thought Mom and I had a normal mother/daughter relationship. However, the whole time I was away at school, not once did she ever call, write or e-mail me. (My father did stay in close contact.)
Now that I'm home, Mother gets annoyed by everything I do and say. Five days ago, I became so stressed about my summer job and things going on in my personal life that I started to cry. Mom marched into my room and screamed at me to "stop bawling!"
I screamed back, telling her to leave me alone. She continued to yell at me, saying I don't appreciate all she's done for me. Nothing could be further from the truth! I have always been grateful to both of my parents and have worked hard to make them proud of me.
Then Mom floored me by saying she "didn't need me around" and "didn't want me anymore." I ran out of my room sobbing and we haven't spoken since. She occupies herself with her girlfriends and her women's club.
Abby, my poor father feels caught in the middle. Can you please help me sort out what to do? -- SAD AND DESPERATE IN VERMONT
DEAR SAD AND DESPERATE: Have a frank talk with your father about your mother and find out what has caused her change of behavior. You are an adult, and you have the right to know. It appears that she is overwhelmed, stressed and angry about something -- and it may have nothing to do with you. Since there appears to be a major communication problem right now, ask your father to schedule some appointments so the three of you can talk this out in family counseling. If your mother refuses to go, you and your father should go without her.
BOYFRIEND'S PROPOSED 'DEAL' SOUNDS LIKE FUNNY BUSINESS
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Sammy," and I have been living together for three years. We have an 8-month-old son. About two months ago, my sister "Angie" went to Sammy and asked to borrow money. She told me he winked at her and said they could "work something out" and she wouldn't have to pay him back.
Angie told Sammy she wouldn't have sex with him because of me and the baby. Sammy said, "No one would ever have to know." He made it sound like a business deal.
When I asked Sammy in front of my sister if he had been joking or serious, he just laughed. Now I'm wondering if he makes "deals" like this with other women.
Things haven't been the same between my sister and me since the incident -- even though I know she did nothing wrong. Angie says she regrets telling me about Sammy's offer. She says he's a good man who made a mistake, and she urged me not to walk away from him.
Now no matter what Sammy says, I don't believe him. I don't trust him anymore. Please tell me if I've got it all wrong, Abby. -- UNSURE AND UNHAPPY IN THE BRONX
DEAR UNSURE AND UNHAPPY: You haven't got it all wrong. You have the whole sordid story about what happened. It's time to move on. And if I were you, I'd consult a lawyer and work out a "business deal" of my own -- namely, child support and custody rights for the baby.
P.S. One day you'll realize how much courage it took for your sister to speak up.
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Debbie," just turned 15. The problem is, an 18-year-old boy wants to hang out with her this summer and get to know her. Her father and I feel he is too old for her and have told her so. We think we are only asking for trouble if we allow it. Debbie is upset with us and is pushing the subject.
Are we doing the right thing? We trust her -- but we don't trust him. -- CARRIE IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR CARRIE: You are doing the right thing. Enforcing the rules is part of responsible parenting. Keep in mind that good parents are not always popular with their children.
Explain to Debbie that you are concerned about the balance of power in a relationship where there's such a disparity of age and experience. Tell her that in spite of her trustworthiness, it would be difficult to establish and enforce boundaries with someone that much older.
Perhaps it would be helpful for your daughter to participate in activities and sports with teens her own age. Goal-setting for college should also be a focus.
DEAR ABBY: I have a crush on a guy at church, and I'm pretty sure he likes me, too. The problem is, my parents think I'm too young to be interested in boys. I'm almost 12.
I've given this a lot of thought. Abby, would you please give me some advice on how to break it to my mom and dad that I like boys? -- JENNIFER IN ALABAMA
DEAR JENNIFER: Start out by saying, "Folks -- I've got some good news and some bad news. Your little girl is growing up ..."
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I met "Racquel" at work and we quickly became close friends. We go out, talk on the phone and share our feelings daily. I have fallen in love with her, and tell her often how much she means to me. I feel ready to take the next step and officially become girlfriend and boyfriend.
Racquel tells me she "isn't sure" where our friendship will lead, and that she is still getting over her ex. (Their relationship ended more than a year ago.)
Last week, she went to her ex's house and they had sex. She told me after it happened and said she knew right away she had made a mistake -- and realized what a true friend I am.
Abby, we cried together. Should I forgive her and hang onto the hope she will now want to have a serious relationship with me? -- SO IN LOVE IT HURTS
DEAR SO IN LOVE: Forgive her, but realize that when she confided what happened, she told you exactly how she feels about you. She considers you to be a "true FRIEND."
I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but it appears you are not going to have the romantic relationship with her that you would like.
DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday afternoon, I attended a cousin's baby shower hosted by our "Aunt Flo." It was held at a local restaurant, and Flo provided the cake and decorations. The guests were expected to pay for their own meals and drinks.
The invitation revealed nothing about this arrangement. Those of us attending didn't find out until we called to RSVP. It seems unfair to burden guests with this cost, when they are also paying for a baby gift -- not to mention travel expenses for those who came from out of town.
Not wanting to disappoint the mom-to-be, I attended -- even though the afternoon ended up being a big strain on my budget. What do you think about this, Abby? -- INDIGNANT OR IGNORANT IN IOWA
DEAR I OR I: Aunt Flo did not "host" the shower -- she simply arranged it. When a no-host party invitation is issued, it should clearly state that guests will be expected to pay their own way.
DEAR ABBY: During the last 20 years of my husband's career, he was involved with a woman at work. They went to lunch, shopping and company parties. She was heavyset and wore garish makeup. I am tall, slender and don't need makeup. People who know me refer to me as a "no-nonsense" woman. I have my own business and have traveled the world promoting my artwork.
Once my husband took some of my custom-made jewelry to work to show his "gal pal." When he came home, he told me her comment was, "It looks like cheap costume jewelry."
After my husband retired and became ill, this woman came to our home and told me to my face that although she could, she would never take a man from his family. I said, "Go ahead -- take him!"
He's been ill now several years, and she has finally quit sending him two to three cards a day. He misses her terribly. His girlfriend should not have dropped him, but she did. So after 42 years of marriage, he's just got me. -- STEADY AS A ROCK IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR STEADY: I'd say your husband is the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. A lot of other wives would have said they deserved each other and walked out.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)