For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS REAPS ROMANTIC REWARDS FOR SOME
DEAR ABBY: I met a guy in the Army through OperationDearAbby.net. We wrote e-mails back and forth and fell in love. You really changed my life, Abby. I just want to say thank you. God bless. -- WALKING ON AIR IN LIMA, PERU
DEAR WALKING: Congratulations -- that's wonderful news. Since the program began in 1967, there have been many romances and marriages between couples who met through Operation Dear Abby.
My partnership with the Department of Defense is now year-round, and I'm pleased to say that since December 2001, more than 2 million messages of support have been sent to our troops stationed around the world. And it's all due to my caring readership.
P.S. The Web address is www.OperationDearAbby.net. Let's keep those messages of support coming!
DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-something single woman dating "Chuck," who is kind and thoughtful. We have been seeing each other nearly four months.
Chuck is a great guy, but there is one big problem. He is very hairy. His chest and back are covered with long, dark, thick body hair. It is a real turn-off, and it prevents me from being physically attracted to him.
In all other ways, Chuck is a wonderful man -- sweet, generous and compassionate. He has been hinting recently that he would like a long-term relationship. I don't want to hurt his feelings or his self-esteem. Do I have the right to bring up hair removal? -- NOT WILD ABOUT HAIRY
DEAR NOT: If you like everything about Chuck except the fact that he has a fur coat, it's time to level with him. Semi-permanent hair removal can be accomplished with a laser these days -- and many people avail themselves of it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by speaking up.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are professionals in our 50s. We dress well and are average looking. Our problem is, no matter which restaurant we frequent, we are often seated next to the kitchen or work station. It happens whether we are together or alone, with or without reservations, in the United States or Canada. It doesn't seem to matter.
At one restaurant, I requested "a seat away from the kitchen," but wondered why this was necessary. If my husband and I looked and acted like slobs, I would understand. Your thoughts, please. -- MINDING OUR MANNERS IN SASKATCHEWAN
DEAR MINDING OUR MANNERS: The tables you have mentioned are usually the least desirable in a restaurant. If you are shown to a table you don't like, speak up and say the table is not acceptable and you would like to be seated elsewhere. When you make your reservations, request a table in the area you prefer. I'm sure you'll be accommodated.
DEAR ABBY: I'm being married soon, and one of my good friends suggested that a friend of hers do my makeup for the wedding. Her friend volunteered to help, and it's a wonderful gesture.
If I have her do my makeup, should I invite her to the wedding? Or should I thank her and give her a nice gift? I need advice, Abby. -- CONFUSED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR CONFUSED: Before making any commitment, have the friend do a "practice makeup" on you. It would be a disaster, if, just before the ceremony, you realized her artistry wasn't up to your standards. That said, if you take her up on her generous offer, why not do all three -- thank her, invite her, and mark the occasion with a token gift.
ONLINE DIARIES CAN CAUSE TEEN FRIENDSHIPS TO SUFFER
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl about to start my freshman year in high school. Most of my friends (including myself) have Web logs -- or "blogs."
Blogs are online diaries where we record all kinds of stuff about ourselves. Of course, we're careful not to give out personal information like where we live, etc. But some of my friends get very offended at what is written about them.
I have several friends who have stopped speaking to each other after reading not-so-nice things about themselves in the blogs. I speak from experience, because I've been repeatedly bashed for my anti-war views, among other things.
In spite of this, the Web log trend continues to be popular. What's your opinion on this? -- BLOGGIN' AND LOVIN' IT IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BLOGGIN': The written word takes on a life of its own and never dies -- particularly in cyberspace. That is why it's important that a person carefully consider what he or she is posting before making it public. I cannot urge people strongly enough to remember that on the Internet there is no such thing as an eraser. The messages live on and on for all to see. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Allow me to give your readers a heads-up regarding a potentially embarrassing -- and possibly illegal -- situation they may encounter at their places of employment. I am talking about employees using their work computers and networks to conduct personal and private business.
As an information technology ("IT") security specialist, I can attest to the fact that almost everything an employee does on his or her work computer is monitored very closely, due to heightened security.
One of my responsibilities is to monitor e-mail that crosses the networks and investigate Web sites employees visit during the day. Believe me, I've seen it all! A few examples:
(1) Details between couples going through nasty divorces, as well as torrid love affairs. (The dialogue from even one of those messages could fuel a soap opera storyline for years!)
(2) The personal "measurements" and private "requirements" of individuals seeking a potential mate while checking out dating Web sites. (I will never look at certain employees the same way again.)
(3) The ridiculously overpriced items that people "had to have" on auction Web sites. (I could outbid individuals by a dollar each time they made a bid online and they'd never know.)
(4) How much money employees have in their checking and savings accounts, while conducting their online banking. (On more than one occasion, I knew that someone had bounced a check before he did.)
(5) Employees exploring pornographic Web sites. (You'd be amazed how many times I've had to begin an investigation into an employee because of something like this.)
Abby, IT security specialists are not nosy people. We are employed by the corporate and government worlds to ensure that highly valuable information and equipment is kept safe and secrets are not leaked. -- IT SECURITY SPECIALIST ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR SPECIALIST: I'm sure many employees in the corporate world will appreciate your wakeup call. I'll bet it spoils some fascinating conversations you "techies" have been sharing during lunch hour!
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
WOMAN'S 'BEST FRIEND' MAY NOT BE MARRIAGE MATERIAL
DEAR ABBY: I have had an exclusive relationship with "Brad" for almost four years. We love each other dearly. We will soon be seniors in college and spend a lot of time together, including holidays, vacations and family functions. He is my best friend, and it's hard to imagine life without him.
Lately, however, as I think about our future more seriously, I am beginning to question whether Brad and I are right for each other. We do not see eye-to-eye on some important issues -- including politics, religion and having kids. It also concerns me that he's not as ambitious as I am when it comes to career goals and opportunities. Brad has never been one to plan very far into the future, whereas stability and security are important to me.
When I try to discuss my concerns, Brad claims I'm being hysterical and says, "Here we go again!" If I pursue it, we end up arguing and nothing gets resolved.
Should I break up with Brad now so that we can both meet other people in our senior year -- or am I being unreasonable? -- LOVESICK IN ILLINOIS
DEAR LOVESICK: Not at all. You are asking intelligent and mature questions about a decision that will affect the rest of your lives. I commend you for it.
Do not allow Brad to minimize your concerns and your differences. He needs to do some growing up before he makes a lifetime commitment to anyone -- including you. Some time apart would benefit both of you.
DEAR ABBY: I was with my boyfriend, "Marty," for six years before we had our daughter. She is now 3 years old. On Valentine's Day, Marty finally gave me an engagement ring. I couldn't have been happier -- until the other day when someone asked Marty what kind of ring it was. He said it was a "friendship ring." Can you believe this?
Abby, I am a person who believes in family values. I want my daughter to have a full-time father. I am thinking it might be time for me to leave Marty. Should I ask him if we are ever going to be married, or are we just going to continue to play house? -- NOT LAUGHING IN MARYLAND
DEAR NOT LAUGHING: There is a big difference between friendship and engagement. Of course you should ask him. But before you do, tell him why you're asking. If he can't bring himself to set a wedding date, the family YOU value will have to include someone other than Marty.
DEAR ABBY: I'm an attractive 18-year-old single female from a good family. I enjoy wonderful friendships and am about to begin my first year of college. I was wondering if you could figure out what my problem is, because nobody else can.
Whenever I like a guy, I make it clear with friendly, "interested" actions. (But believe me, I'm not too forward.)
At first, guys seem to like me, too. But then they quickly become uninterested and end up never asking me out -- or even talking to me again! This has happened sooo many times.
Please help. What am I doing wrong? -- DATELESS ON SATURDAY NIGHTS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DATELESS: Your friendliness and "interest" may be being interpreted as needy and desperate. This is a huge turn-off for members of both sexes. Tone it down a little, and see if you get better results.
P.S. You might more closely observe what your girlfriends do.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)