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by Abigail Van Buren

Friend Can't Talk Woman Out of Married Man's Arms

DEAR ABBY: I have a girlfriend at work I'll call "Crystal." I think she's cheating with "John," a co-worker who is married. Crystal was going to be married in the fall, but now the wedding is off. She says that she and John are "just friends." But the way it looks to me, they are a lot more than that.

I see Crystal and John in the parking lot after work. He sits in the driver's seat, and she sticks half her body through the car window to kiss him goodbye. They also go "out to lunch" every day. When I ask her if she'd like to have lunch with me, she lies and says she's staying in -- then I see them in the parking lot and she's all over him.

I've tried talking to Crystal about John, but she gets defensive. I think he convinced her not to get married. This isn't the first time he's been involved with a co-worker. How can I tell Crystal she shouldn't waste her time with a married man? -- WORRIED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WORRIED: Love is blind, and sometimes also deaf to the voice of reason. In your case, it is already too late to reason with Crystal. If a co-worker who had an earlier fling with John would be willing to share her experience with Crystal, it might wake her up -- but I'm not betting on it. Some lessons must be learned the hard way, and when a workplace romance fizzles and reality hits, it's a cold awakening. (Clip this, give it to her, and tell her this message is for her -- from both of us.)