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PAUSE TO REFLECT ON THOSE WHO DIED TO KEEP US FREE
DEAR ABBY: Memorial Day is again upon us. Many of our citizens will enjoy a day off from work. Some will join family and friends at the beach, a picnic, a ball game or perhaps the mall. Sadly, the true meaning of this holiday, which was designated to remember and honor America's fallen, will be forgotten by many Americans.
We owe these men and women a debt of remembrance. We must make a special effort to honor their legacy on this and every Memorial Day.
This year, the White House Commission on Remembrance is asking Americans to pause on Memorial Day at 3 p.m. local time, wherever they may be, and reflect on those who have died for our freedom. To mark this year's observance, I have asked Charles Strouse, the noted composer of "Annie" and "Bye-Bye Birdie," to write a song for the National Moment of Remembrance. The song is titled "On This Day."
Parents and kids can listen to "On This Day" online and download sheet music to learn the song. The National Association for Music Education (MENC) has posted this information on its Web site: www.menc.org.
Abby, I again ask your help in encouraging your readers to join in this act of national unity in remembering our fallen on Monday, May 26. As John F. Kennedy said, "A nation reveals itself not only by the citizens it produces, but also by the citizens it honors, the citizens it remembers." -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE
DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for your timely letter -- and for the reminder that Memorial Day is only a few days away.
The White House Commission on Remembrance promotes the values of Memorial Day by acts of remembrance throughout the year. Learn more about it by visiting www.remember.gov.
Readers, as the events of the last few months have reminded us all, freedom is not free; in every conflict there is a price paid in human life. I hope that on this Memorial Day, all of you will take a "moment of remembrance" out of your holiday celebration to respect the young people who gave their lives this year in the service of our country, and perhaps join me in offering up a prayer for their grieving families.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 11th-grade girl, and I need your advice on what to tell my parents when my report card comes in June. My GPA has dropped big-time since the last one, and they have both been nagging me to study harder.
My mom and dad don't understand what it's like for me at school. Keeping my grades up has become more difficult because I don't have the motivation to immerse myself in the mandatory curriculum. I have no need whatsoever for those boring academic requirements.
The one thing I'm good at is art -- drawing and painting -- and I can do that on my own. Sometimes I wonder why I need high school at all. I'd love to have a break from it. How can I clue my parents in to what I'm all about, Abby? -- FRUSTRATED TEEN IN VERMONT
DEAR FRUSTRATED TEEN: I suspect your parents are going to know what you are all about once they see your report card. Every student, at one time or another, has had the same feelings. But the smart ones accept the reality that in order to succeed and be independent, they must, at the very least, have a high school (or equivalent) diploma. The time to get it is now. So buckle down in your senior year and lift your grade point average. Art schools require well-rounded students.
DEAR Abby: This is in response to "Ready-or-Not in Texas," the 17-year-old who is contemplating tricking her boyfriend into fatherhood. Two years ago, I was the victim of such manipulation.
At the time, my girlfriend and I were both 30. We had been together just four months. She presumed such tactics would speed up our courtship and land her a husband. It backfired. Not only did she experience a painful miscarriage, but also the breakup of our relationship because of trust issues. -- CLOSE SHAVE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CLOSE: You're right. Since she became pregnant on purpose, you were manipulated. That letter brought in hundreds of responses. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Ready-or-Not" needs to recognize the things she'll have to sacrifice if she gets pregnant. Does she go to parties? No more! Late nights with girlfriends? Nope! Romantic dates with her boyfriend? That's over. She'll never do anything spontaneous again.
I love kids. Then I spent a weekend baby-sitting a 3-year-old and an infant. It was then I realized that I couldn't even jump into a shower without planning it in advance. As I anxiously struggled to listen to the baby monitor over the sound of the shower, I knew I wasn't ready.
And I haven't even addressed the issue of money. Even if you have the best baby shower in the world, there are still the day-to-day expenses -- diapers, ointments, baby wipes, clothes, more diapers, food, bottles, toys, pacifiers, more diapers, and baby-proofing the house. She'll be doing all of it alone if she tries putting something over on her boyfriend. -- RENA IN L.A.
DEAR RENA: Thank you for a bracing dose of reality.
DEAR ABBY: Instead of getting pregnant, that girl should volunteer at a church day care, a hospital children's ward, a homeless shelter -- or even do some baby-sitting and earn a little money.
She didn't say it, but she may be looking for a "quick fix" to get out of a bad home life. If she has a child, she will just be replacing one bad situation with another. I had a friend who tried that. She ended up stuck at home with her baby -- no husband, no boyfriend, no future and angry parents.
I hope "Ready-or-Not" talks to someone before it's too late. -- BEEN THERE AND WAITED IN S.C.
DEAR WAITED: I, too, hope she finds someone to talk to -- her school nurse, counselor or another trusted adult.
DEAR ABBY: I had a child when I was 17. I wasn't ready and I have missed out on a lot because of it. Please urge that 17-year-old to think of her future. Children are the greatest gifts. They are little miracles. Kids are NOT something to play with that can be put away when someone is tired of being a parent and wants to go back to being young and carefree. -- AMANDA IN FLORIDA
DEAR AMANDA: You have stated it beautifully. Having a child is a decision that should be made rationally between both parties involved. It does not automatically bring a couple closer. A man who is tricked into parenthood will not only be resentful toward the person who tricked him, but also toward the child he will be obligated to support until it is an adult.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Wedding Planner Rehearses Proper Behavior for Guests
DEAR ABBY: I am a certified wedding planner. With the wedding season upon us, I would appreciate it if you would publish the following "reminders" for wedding guests:
1. The only people invited are those listed on the invitation. Please do not bring uninvited guests. I've seen a shortage of space and food at receptions because of this. (Caterers often charge extra for the number of guests exceeding the original count.)
2. Please do not bring children unless they are listed on the invitation. They may be the cutest kids in the world -- especially when they're all dressed up. However, it's the bride and groom's day, not an occasion for you to show off your little ones.
3. Another reason not to bring uninvited children is that many reception sites charge by the number of attendees, regardless of the age.
4. If you must bring a nursing baby to the ceremony, ask to be seated on an aisle near the back, so a quick exit can be made if the baby becomes fussy.
Keep in mind that a wedding day is an occasion the bride has dreamed of all her life. Countless hours and thousands of dollars may have been spent to make it perfect. Please don't spoil it for the happy couple. -- SPEAKING FOR ALL BRIDES
DEAR SPEAKING: Every spring I receive wedding etiquette questions by the bushel. Your helpful reminders can diffuse more than a few potential problems before they occur. Thank you for sending them.
DEAR ABBY: I am 13. I read your column every day. My mom is bulimic, and now I am fat because all she buys is junk food. Please give me some advice in the newspaper, because Mom will be mad if she knows I wrote to you.
I am sick of the kids at school calling me names all the time. I am sick of my mother calling me a fat pig when it is her fault that I eat the wrong food and don't throw up afterward like she does.
There is no reason to live any more. Every day of my life is miserable and I'd rather not even be here. You are my last chance for help on how to deal with these people. -- FED UP IN FORT MYERS, FLA.
DEAR FED UP: You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. It's time to talk to your teacher, your principal or a school nurse about what you have written me. Your mother has an eating disorder and may not even realize that she is passing it along to you.
You need a healthy diet and an exercise program, and your mother needs to understand that what's going on could be classified as neglect because children's eating habits are dictated by their parents. Don't wait -- talk to someone now. Please let me hear from you again. I care.
DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you mentioned the old story that my grandfather, W.C. Fields, did not relate well to children. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, he loved children, and proudly drove his firstborn grandchild home from the hospital. A family photo appeared in People magazine on Jan. 1, 2000. It depicts my beloved grandfather, his first grandchild and my mother -- and it is heartwarming. -- HARRIET A. FIELDS, WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR HARRIET: I stand corrected. Thank you for helping to bury an old myth.
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