Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Drunk Driver Still Mourned by Those She Left Behind

DEAR ABBY: We recently hosted a bat mitzvah for our daughter and invited two families (parents along with their children). In both cases, the parents attended but the children did not.

A few months later, these two families hosted similar parties for their own children. In each case, my husband and I were invited but our children were not. I thought if we invited their children, they should invite ours. Is this considered proper etiquette? -- PUZZLED ALONG THE HUDSON RIVER

DEAR PUZZLED: Not that I know of. A bar mitzvah and a bat mitzvah are important rites of passage in a young Jewish person's life, and when I was growing up it was a celebration in which contemporaries were always included -– particularly if the children were in the same age bracket. I, too, am puzzled that parents would attend or be expected to attend without their children. (The exception to this would be if the children were toddlers who might be disruptive.)