DEAR ABBY: I think my husband, "Vinnie," is having an affair. For the past 11 months, he has refused to have sex with me. He has even called me by another woman's name in his sleep.
Vinnie drives a company car and has picked up a co-worker, "Rita," every morning for the past three years. He says his boss demands that he drive her to and from work.
In the past year when we've been out with his co-workers' friends, they say to me, "Oh, you must be Rita." It makes me feel like a total idiot. Vinnie makes light of this and says I am being insecure and paranoid.
I caught Vinnie in an affair several years ago -- pants down. He said it was because he was drunk. He apologized and stopped drinking, but has recently started imbibing again. I might understand Vinnie wandering if I had let myself go, but I weigh the same as the day we were married. I have been faithful and I serve him a hot meal every night.
Abby, I have invested a lot in our relationship and am reluctant to chuck it all. However, I am at my wit's end and am tempted to let him go and see a lawyer. What's your advice? -- SMELLING THE COFFEE IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR SMELLING THE COFFEE: Perhaps it's time to really get to know the man you married. You need facts instead of innuendo and suspicion. One way to accomplish this would be to hire a private investigator to keep tabs on Vinnie for a month. After that, you'll know whether your marriage is worth saving.