DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost three years. Like every marriage, we've had our ups and downs. My husband constantly accuses me of having an affair. I've never given him any reason not to trust me, nor have I been with anybody else since we married.
He constantly asks, "Where did you go? Who did you go with? What time did you go? How long were you there?" I stay home all day so he won't give me the third degree.
On Fridays when he gets paid, he picks a fight so he can leave. He doesn't return until Sunday, and then half his cash is gone. During the week, he stays up until the wee hours of the morning, even though he has to get up at 5 a.m. for work.
Also, I have found pieces of burnt foil in his belongings, along with a straw. Once I even found drugs.
I pack my husband a good lunch every day. I'm loving and have his dinner ready when he comes home. I don't go anywhere or do anything. Please help me. I don't know what else to do. -- PRISONER IN SALINAS
DEAR PRISONER: You are either married to the Energizer Bunny, or your husband is using some kind of stimulant. The fact that you found drug paraphernalia is your first clue. The disappearing act he pulls every payday should be another. Among the side effects of stimulants are a short temper and paranoia. Your husband exhibits both behaviors.
Please understand that what is wrong in your marriage has nothing to do with you. If you love your husband, give him an ultimatum: Get off the drugs and get into a rehabilitation program, or his marriage to you is over. (Your doctor can give you a referral for rehab.) For your own mental health, you must be prepared to follow through.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing because my 12-year-old daughter, "Dorothy," is pregnant for the second time. Due to our religion, we do not believe in birth control or abortion. We kept the first baby, but we're afraid if we keep the second, Dorothy will continue to have premarital sex. Should we abort this one or let her have this baby, too? Please reply soon. -- CONCERNED PARENT IN TEXAS
DEAR CONCERNED: Whether your 12-year-old daughter should carry her second child to term is not a decision I can, or should, make for you. Because of her tender age, there could be medical risks involved. Take your cues from her OB/GYN.
It should be clear by now that your daughter is, and will continue to be, sexually active. Unless you intend to keep her under lock and key, she MUST be educated about sexually transmitted diseases and birth control. Since you consider using birth control a sin, please consider that it's a bigger sin to bring children into this world if you cannot educate and support them emotionally and financially.
P.S. You haven't mentioned how old the father(s) of these babies are. If they are more than four years older than Dorothy, she could be a victim of statutory rape, and you should notify the police.
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