DEAR ABBY: My relationship with "Horace" has been going well for several months. We're both in our early 40s. He drives 100 miles each weekend to spend time with me. The problem is he has a bad case of sleep apnea and refuses to see a doctor.
I am afraid he'll have a heart attack in his sleep. Horace is a heavy guy and he snores so loud the neighbors complain. He holds his breath, then jerks around until he can gasp air in again. It's scary.
I know there's treatment for this, but Horace is sure he'll need surgery. He hasn't been to a doctor since he was a child, and I think he's afraid he'll have to change his lifestyle. Any advice would be appreciated. -- CAROLE IN CLEVELAND
DEAR CAROLE: Horace has a serious medical problem. Tell him that you care for him and think you have a future together -- but only if he's living. There are treatments for sleep apnea that don't require surgery. The first step is for Horace to consult a sleep disorder specialist and be properly evaluated. Since he doesn't have a physician, perhaps your doctor could suggest a clinic.
Another source of information that could be helpful is apneanet.org. It provides a forum that facilitates the exchange of information and ideas for persons affected by this condition.
There is a solution to Horace's problem. However, to find it he must behave like an adult and face the fact that he has a problem.