Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mom Takes Action to Increase Bullied Son's Self Confidence
DEAR ABBY: Please let your readers know that there is a solution to bullying. If parents would encourage their children's natural abilities and help them to enhance their physical assets, instead of hoping the problem goes away, much could be done to help these innocent victims.
My son, "Tim," developed a stammer in second grade. The teasing he received from classmates caused him to stop talking in class or even to playmates. In fifth grade, he developed gynecomastia, an overgrowth of breast tissue in males. The taunts increased and included asking him his bra size.
I could have told my son to ignore the teasing and concentrate on his "inner beauty," etc. But children have to compete in a world that puts great emphasis on physical beauty. Lofty platitudes, while they may or may not be true, do nothing for a suffering soul.
I realized the importance of correcting what can be corrected and outsmarting the rest. During the summer, I took Tim to a plastic surgeon who corrected the gynecomastia. Then, although his pediatrician said he would eventually outgrow his stammer (and he did), I tried to help him regain the respect of his peers.
Tim was a budding musician, so I arranged for him to perform a classroom concert. He played the guitar and sang songs by John Denver and Jim Croce. Then he performed one of his own compositions. Students from other classrooms, as well as the principal, joined the audience. Tim received a standing ovation, and mercifully, he was never teased again. -- CONCERNED MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR MOM: I congratulate you for being proactive in helping your son. There is a lot parents can do to prevent bullying. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Nearly 160,000 students stay home from school every day because they are afraid of being bullied.
Bullying isn't just a part of growing up. It can have a lasting effect on the victim, the bully, the school and the community. Victims often suffer from depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, academic problems and substance abuse. Research also shows a direct link between chronic bullying and future criminal activity and abusive behavior in adult life.
There are many ways to prevent bullying. Adults and parents can use positive discipline techniques, spend quality time with a child, and encourage confidence and nonviolence at home and at school. It's also important to teach children that they don't have to feel powerless in the face of bullying. Encourage them not to be bystanders by telling the bully to stop or by getting help from an adult. -- SID JOHNSON, PRESIDENT AND CEO, PREVENT CHILD ABUSE IN AMERICA
DEAR SID: Your letter is both timely and helpful. When children are the victims of bullying, the parents often don't know how to react. In some cases, the parents were victims of bullying themselves.
Readers, this is an important topic. If you would like to learn more ways to prevent bullying, visit Prevent Child Abuse America's Web site: www.preventchildabuse.org.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married for the second time. I suggested that she wear the same gown she wore for her first wedding. It's beautiful, it was very expensive and my daughter still loves it.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl. My friend at school, "Mindy," is being made fun of by her so-called "friends." They tease and tease and tell Mindy they're "just kidding," but I can't help thinking they really ARE making fun of her. Please tell me how to stick up for my friend. -- CONCERNED IN MARYLAND
DEAR CONCERNED: You are a supportive friend. Since it's happening at school, report it to the principal -- because what those students are doing could be interpreted as harassment.
Kids can be cruel, but it does not have to be tolerated. Your friend -- and you -- should be able to get an education in a safe environment.
DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, a friend of mine gave me your "Keepers" booklet. I enjoyed it very much. One of my favorite pieces was the poem about guest towels. (My mother always put out lovely guest towels, but few people ever used them.)
I would like to order a copy of "Keepers" for a friend who is going through a difficult time. I know the holidays will be depressing for her. I think it would inspire her and perhaps give her a lift. The ordering information I have is: "Send a self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) for each copy to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)" Are the booklets still $5 and is the address still correct? -- JENNIE A., IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS
DEAR JENNIE: Yes, that's still correct ordering information. I'm pleased you enjoyed the poem about guest towels. From time to time, readers have asked me for copies to display in their powder rooms. Read on:
A GUEST TOWEL SPEAKS
by Mabel Craddock
Please use me, guest;
Don't hesitate.
Don't turn your back
Or vacillate.
Don't dry your hands
On petticoat,
On handkerchief,
Or redingote.
I'm here to use;
I'm made for drying.
Just hanging here
Gets very tiring.
DEAR ABBY: My teen-age daughter has a close girlfriend who (at 14) started having sex with a 17-year-old "family friend." I happen to know that this girl's mother was a teenage mom, and her goal has always been to prevent her daughter from repeating the same mistake.
My daughter made me promise not to "rat" on her friend to her mother, but I think the girl's mom should know that her daughter is engaging in sexual relations -- as well as the fact that they're not using protection. However, I do not want to betray my daughter's trust. Should I mind my own business, Abby? -- ANONYMOUS MOM IN NEVADA
DEAR ANONYMOUS MOM: Absolutely not. A young woman's future hangs in the balance. That mother needs to know her daughter is sexually active. Wouldn't YOU want to know?
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married for the second time. I suggested that she wear the same gown she wore for her first wedding. It's beautiful, it was very expensive and my daughter still loves it.
Is it appropriate for her to wear the same wedding gown for her second marriage? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE (AGAIN) IN PHOENIX
DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Since your daughter "still loves it," and does not appear to be superstitious, I see no reason she can't wear the gown. As long as it doesn't bother her fiance, it's all right with me.