DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Willing to Trust Again in Tulsa" was right on. Several years ago, I was known for picking "loser" boyfriends. "Sam" hit me daily. "Gene" was married, unwilling to divorce his wife, from whom he had been separated for seven years, and broke, broke, broke! He begged me to loan him $70,000 to get out of debt. Fortunately, I was smarter than that, and never wasted a dime on him -- just five years of my life.
After that, I decided I needed to take a break from men and "find myself." I sought therapy and learned why I was choosing losers. Even more important, I learned how to never feel lonely, even though I lived alone. I am an attractive woman, 37 years old, who is unattached by choice. I love men, and if the right one comes along, I'm sure I'll commit. However, for now, it's nice to be able to take off on a trip at a moment's notice, spend my own money on what I please, and do basically anything I want because I have no one to whom I must account.
"Willing" needs to learn to love herself first before she and "the right kind of man" can enter into a loving, healthy relationship. -- HAPPILY UNATTACHED IN HOUSTON
DEAR HAPPILY UNATTACHED: Thank you for sharing your success story. You went from choosing losers to being a winner. For people who cannot afford therapy, taking a break, stepping back from a destructive situation and analyzing one's mistakes can be very helpful. That's the way people learn.