DEAR ABBY: I have lived with my boyfriend, "Earl," for eight years. During that time I have moved out twice. We are not kids -- I am 47; he's 62.
Earl owns a bar and admits he is an alcoholic. He drinks every day and never gets mean, but in his drunken state he's apt to do stupid things. Earl thinks he "controls" his drinking by not imbibing at home or during the day -- only at night when he drinks with his customers.
One time Earl came home at 5:00 a.m. and told me he'd been with friends, but later that day I discovered some semi-nude Polaroid pictures of him and a faceless female. I moved out that same day.
Earl and I stayed apart for several months, but we missed each other, so I moved back. Another problem is we haven't had sex in seven years. We sleep together, but our physical contact has diminished to a quick goodnight kiss. When I mention the subject, Earl says he doesn't want to talk about it. When he's at home alone, all he does is watch porno videos. I should add that I am attractive and other men find me desirable.
You must be wondering why I stay with Earl. Well, it's comfortable. He never gets mad, and for the first time in my life, I don't have to struggle financially. I know I could make it on my own, but it's easier this way. However, I don't like the feeling I've "sold out."
In my heart I know he's going to die. I fear the drinking will kill him one of these days. Earl hasn't been to a doctor since his discharge from the service in 1962. Please tell me what to do. I'm not happy with him, but I'm not happy alone, either. -- LOVELESS IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR LOVELESS: Not only are you loveless, but you also appear to be depressed, listless and have low self-esteem. It seems you are sleepwalking through life. There is far more to life than having a place to live and a roommate who "isn't mean." Please try counseling with the goal of learning why you deserve more from a relationship than you're getting from this one.