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RECRUITS MUST READ FINE PRINT BEFORE SIGNING ON DOTTED LINE
DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the 25-year-old man who's considering joining the military, and whose family and friends think he's lost his mind.
I'm a retired Army colonel and think how fortunate this country would be if more people had that young man's attitude.
My strongest recommendation to that fella -- or anyone joining the military -- is to make absolutely sure of what you are signing up for. Read the DD Form 4, Enlistment Contract -- every word. If a recruiter promises something, have that promise put in writing on the DD Form 4 or it is not considered binding. Also, don't let a recruiter tell you "now or never." He may say that only to fulfill a quota. Yes, there are restrictions and qualification factors, but a good recruiter will lay out all of those openly and work with the applicant to satisfy the individual's need as well as the military's. -- COL. MM, HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
DEAR COL. MM: You have written an important letter, and I hope that "Not in Boot Camp Yet" takes it to heart. I'm sure it will help not only him, but also any high school senior who is unsure about what to do after graduation. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This is for anyone who's considering joining any branch of military service. Even if you are sure which branch you want to join, talk to recruiters from other branches -- and also different recruiters in the branch you are considering. Some recruiters are more knowledgeable than others, and an inexperienced recruiter's ignorance can cause new recruits to miss out on opportunities such as bonuses, tuition and initial entry rank. -- PROUD AIRMAN, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.
DEAR PROUD AIRMAN: That's valuable advice for anyone considering a stint in the armed forces.
DEAR ABBY: I am a former Marine and would like to comment on the letter from the young man who is considering joining the armed forces, but feels he is being "rushed" by recruiters and called "crazy" by his friends.
The solution is to join the reserves. In the reserves, he will get the training any other "boot" will get and still have the best of both worlds. The difference is that when it's time to graduate, he'll be asked if he wants to change his contract to "active duty." If he declines, he returns to civilian life and drills once a month with his assigned unit. In addition, he serves two weeks in the summer with his reserve unit when it goes on annual duty training. The rest of the time, he's a civilian. -- BILL IN FULLERTON, CALIF.
DEAR BILL: That sounds like an intelligent alternative.
DEAR ABBY: While getting injured or killed in the military is a possibility, there are tremendous personal rewards. I have traveled the world with the Air Force without serious injury, yet I fell off a ladder in my back yard last year and nearly killed myself. Go figure! -- MAJ. MICHAEL C., USAFR, RET.
DEAR MICHAEL: Ninety-nine percent of those who wrote to comment on "Not in Boot Camp's" letter expressed that their stint in the military was both exciting and challenging. It is life on the edge, and you get out of it what you put into it.
P.S. Stay away from ladders!
High Priced Hairdresser Gets Cut From Woman's Budget
DEAR ABBY: I have a terrific hairdresser I'll call "Jordy." He owns the salon I have patronized for more than 20 years. His work is outstanding, and I always get compliments about my hair. However, because of his latest price increases and my being on a fixed income, I can no longer afford his services.
In years past, the price would increase a couple of dollars. But this year, Jordy increased it 10 percent. I make appointments six months in advance because it's easier to plan around a set appointment than vice versa.
My dilemma: How should I go about canceling my four appointments? Should I write Jordy a letter? What should I say? We have become quite good friends over the years, and I hate to leave, but my limited income can be stretched only so far. -- HAIR-RAISED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR HAIR-RAISED: In light of your long-standing relationship, you should tell Jordy exactly what you have told me. If that is too embarrassing, write him a letter. Tell him that although you are very fond of him, because you are now on a fixed income, with the latest price hike you can no longer afford to be his client. Consider asking him to recommend a less expensive shop and a hairdresser who can keep you as well-coiffed as ever.
It's possible that Jordy's expenses have increased dramatically, or he may have become so popular he's reducing his client list. Whatever the reason, his response will help you get to the "root" of his price increase.
P.S. He may offer you a reduced rate, given your long association.
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my family and I attended a friend's party. I'll call her "Vanetta." My son, "Paul," was a young teenager. We didn't know at the time that he had fallen in with a bad crowd and was using drugs. The day after the party, Vanetta called and said a portable radio had been stolen from her home and implied that it was taken by one of the kids who had attended. I questioned Paul; he denied knowing anything about it.
My son is now a young adult and, thankfully, has stopped using drugs. He recently admitted to me that he and another teenage boy had stolen the radio and sold it. In spite of this, I know Paul is a good person who has made some bad choices. I asked him if he would go to Vanetta, confess and reimburse her for it. He said he was too "embarrassed."
Abby, Vanetta tends to be judgmental and would most likely respond to Paul in a condemning way. I'm not defending my son's behavior, but Vanetta has never had children and does not understand the peer pressures young people face today.
Should I encourage Paul to go to Vanetta and make amends, or let it stay in the past and be forgotten? -- ANONYMOUS MOM IN A SMALL TOWN
DEAR ANONYMOUS MOM: Encourage your son to speak to Vanetta and, with cash in hand, explain to her that he was young, was stupidly experimenting with drugs, is profoundly sorry for what he did, and hopes that she will understand and accept his apology.
Let's hope Vanetta will find it in her heart to forgive him, but even if she doesn't, your son's conscience will be clear, and he can put this sad chapter in his life behind him.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: Last year I opened my own business. It's a small clothing store for men and women. My problem is I am unable to get through to my family that they cannot visit me there all the time. I love them dearly, but my shop is a place of business -- not a second home for them.
My husband is unemployed. He is constantly at the store. He'll sit on a chair near the entrance, holding his cane. Sometimes he falls asleep and starts slipping off his chair. He's the first thing customers see when they walk in. It is very unprofessional.
My daughter drops in daily with her two young children. She brings their lunch, which she sets up on the counter next to the cash register. In no time the kids are running around the store making a mess and throwing merchandise off the shelves onto the floor. My daughter yells at them and then an argument ensures. Time after time, it ends up with me snapping at them to go home, my daughter becoming upset and the kids bursting into tears. Customers sometimes turn around and walk out when they see the commotion. I have lost sales because of this, and I can't afford for it to continue.
How can I make it clear to my family that they can't make themselves at home at my store? I feel like a broken record. -- EXASPERATED SHOP OWNER IN PHOENIX
DEAR SHOP OWNER: Since your husband and daughter do not seem to get the message that they cannot just "drop in," you must be more assertive and draw the line for them. Get some books on retail merchandising and customer relations and SHOW them that what they are doing is hurting your business. If they persist, stop them at the door and say, "It's nice to see you, but you cannot stay. Love you all -- and I'll see you later."
Please be firm -- your economic situation depends on it.
DEAR ABBY: I am a married Jewish woman just shy of 30. For the past year I've been searching for a better job. Without fail at almost every interview, I'm asked some outrageously illegal questions:
"Are you married? How long have you been married? Do you have children? Are you planning on getting pregnant? Exactly when are you planning to start a family? Will you want to stay home when your children are young? What's your biggest health concern? How religious are you? Are you willing to work Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?" (the most religious days on the Jewish calendar).
Abby, what's the best way to avoid answering these questions? The next time it happens, can I press charges? Thanks for your help. -- ETERNAL JOB CANDIDATE
DEAR JOB CANDIDATE: Simply smile and say: "I want you to know that I am sincerely interested in this job, but the questions you are asking are illegal. I'm telling you this because I'm sure you're interviewing other applicants, and I wouldn't want you to get in trouble with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission)."
If the questioning persists, the EEOC should be notified because the questions are discriminatory.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Abraham Lincoln said: "If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." (Submitted by Andrew W. Hanley)
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)