What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Rewards of Reading Outweigh Late Fees for Overdue Books
DEAR ABBY: Thank you on behalf of librarians everywhere for your commonsense reply to the question of who should pay for the overdue library book the 7-year-old granddaughter lost.
I know what a thrill it is for children to check out books from their local libraries, but when those children forget where they placed them, forget the due dates or lose those books forever, it can be a problem for everyone.
Parents and grandparents should keep track of all books checked out on the family library cards, because the fines accumulate in a hurry. Arguing over who is responsible can send the claim to collections, with added fines.
Those who grumble about fines on their cards should remember how much it would cost if they had to buy every book they wanted to read instead of borrowing them from the public library. -- DENISE VILANDRE, HURON, S.D.
DEAR DENISE: Indeed. Even with library discounts, the cost of restocking our libraries is considerable. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: On Dec. 7, 1968, a man named Richard Dodd returned an overdue library book to the University of Cincinnati. His great-grandfather had checked out the volume in 1823.
Although he did not have to pay the fine, the library computed the fine -- and it would have totaled $22,646. -- FRANK IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR FRANK: In another 145 years it could have added up to some REAL money! Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That grandmother should have used this experience as a "fun" and instructive opportunity to show her grandchild the due date, mark it on the calendar and return the book together -- BEFORE it was overdue. It would have provided a valuable lesson to the child, based on positive role modeling. -- ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER, FORT WALTON BEACH, FLA.
DEAR TEACHER: You're right. Children learn by example.
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for putting in a good word for libraries, and for exposing children to them.
During World War II, my first library was a very small room on the upper floor of the old Grange Hall in the little village of Savona, N.Y. Since it was close to my home, I was allowed to go there alone and choose my own books, even before I went to school. My family would read the stories to me.
Those trips to the library were magical. I bless the people who established that small library. Parents, please love your children enough to take them to your local library, and read to them! -- HELEN I. FRANCIS, SILVER CITY, N.M.
DEAR HELEN: You have made a good point. It reminds me of a stanza from a wonderful poem, "The Reading Mother," by Strickland Gillilan, that has appeared in this column a number of times:
"You may have tangible wealth untold,
"Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
"Richer than I you can never be --
"I had a mother who read to me."
Workers Keep on Truckin' to Lift Spirits of Ailing Boy
DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid reader for many years, and appreciate the stories you print about acts of kindness.
My 4-year-old nephew, Jacob, is a dwarf. He is a sweet, kind child and has a great personality. He is also very well-adjusted. This past year was especially difficult for Jacob because he needed a shunt installed in his head last spring. In October, he ended up in the University of Chicago Children's Hospital for a month with numerous complications that required tests, procedures and emergency surgeries.
My nephew was fortunate to have his family, friends, neighbors and teachers spend time with him in the hospital. But what made this little boy the happiest was what the city's refuse collectors did after they missed seeing him on their weekly neighborhood rounds. When they were told about Jacob's hospitalization, they surprised him by showing up at the hospital with Matchbox garbage truck toys. Thank you, Homewood Disposal Systems in Homewood, Ill., for employing kind, compassionate workers who value their customers.
All is well in my nephew's world. Thank you for letting me share our joy, Abby. -- HAPPY IN HOMEWOOD
DEAR HAPPY: What an uplifting letter to receive as we begin 2003! It appears Homewood is a community that embraces even its youngest citizens, and demonstrates the good neighbor policy in daily living. It's a lesson we can all take to heart.
And now, because no New Year's Day would be complete without Dear Abby's oft-requested New Year's resolutions, I offer these, based on the original credo of Al-Anon -- with a few variations of my own:
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct, and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody except myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only for today. And just for today, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all, a happy, healthy New Year!
Love, ABBY
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: Re the letter about wearing black at weddings: I am a professional pianist/organist who has played for numerous weddings.
Last winter, I was asked to play for a large wedding. I chose a black dress with a fancy sequined jacket. Before the wedding, I dropped by to visit my 90-year-old mother, who questioned my black dress. I assured her that black was now appropriate.
My house was on the way to the church, and taking my mother's comments into consideration, I decided to change into a rose-colored dress. When I walked into the church, you guessed it -- I was greeted by a sea of black. The groomsmen all wore black tuxes, the bridesmaids had long black dresses, and even the singers I was to accompany were dressed in black.
For a moment, I wanted to dash back home and change again, but I didn't. I just smiled at the irony. -- CHARLOTTE IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.
DEAR CHARLOTTE: I hadn't realized that so many women now wear black to weddings that the few who don't have become "standouts." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In response to the woman whose mother thought wearing black to a wedding was taboo: That mom has obviously never been to a New York wedding, where wearing black is practically a requirement. My husband's family lives there, and at a recent wedding with more than 100 guests, I was one of only six women NOT wearing black. (Two of my three sisters-in-law had their bridesmaids wear black.) -- COLORFUL IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR COLORFUL: Interesting. However, let's be clear to all my readers. Nowhere is it written that black MUST be worn to a wedding -- unless the bride requests it.
DEAR ABBY: While wearing black may, indeed, be considered "classy" and "tasteful" by many women today, I personally find the trend depressing.
The last wedding I attended, only about five of us wore something other than black. When I looked out at the couples on the dance floor, it reminded me of television clips I had seen of the crowds in the Middle East. I have told my friends repeatedly, "We are not nuns, we are not Amish and we are not oppressed women! We have the freedom to wear and enjoy beautiful, joyful colors!" This is especially true at weddings, which should be happy occasions.
And by the way, to those ladies who shop so carefully to find just the right black dress -- once you enter a room full of other black dresses, you're just another grain of sand on the seashore.
Whoever believes the myth that black dresses make one look slim -- guess again. Sorry, girls, if you're fat, you're fat -- that black dress isn't fooling anyone. -- LOVES COLOR IN OHIO
DEAR LOVES COLOR: The old saying that color evokes emotion must be true, because from the tone of your letter it's clear you're seeing red. Please remember that what people wear isn't as important as how they feel in it. (It would be interesting to know what women in the Middle East would wear if their governments allowed them the choice we enjoy in this country -- may I live to see the day!)
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Farewell to 2002 -- and what a year this has been! Let's all say a prayer for world peace, and for our stalwart members of the military who are far from their loved ones today. It takes only a moment to send greetings to our troops stationed around the globe. Simply e-mail them at www.OperationDearAbby.net and wish them a Happy New Year. And to each of you, a happy, healthy 2003.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)