DEAR ABBY: Before our wedding, my mother-in-law offered to purchase a set of sterling silver flatware for her son and me as our gift. She instructed us to register the pattern we selected and said she'd buy the set.
Two weeks prior to our wedding, my in-laws came to visit and brought our wedding gift with them. Imagine my shock when I opened the box and found a totally different set than the one we had chosen!
Without thinking, I said, "Oh, this isn't the silver we picked!" My mother-in-law replied that her selection was better.
I want to exchange the set for the one my fiance and I wanted in the first place. My husband says to drop the subject, unless I want his mom to comment about it every time we sit down for a meal together.
This has become a bone of contention between my new husband and me. Does his mom have the right to wield that kind of control over us, Abby? What should I do? -- MAD AT HIS MOM IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR MAD: Your mother-in-law has the right to wield that kind of control only if her son and you allow her to. What she did may have been well-intended, but it came across as insensitive and heavy-handed.
It's time for you and your husband to have a talk with his mother and tell her that while you appreciate her gift, you chose the pattern you selected for a reason. You both liked it. And while she may prefer the pattern she selected, she is not the person who is going to have to live with it. Therefore the silver is being exchanged for the one you prefer.
Once you put the subject on the table, it's less likely to be rehashed at subsequent family gatherings than if she arrives for a dinner party and is "surprised." Your brand-new hubby owes it to you to back you up on this, and you can tell him I said so.