DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Fearful in California" was correct. If the mother confronts the son-in-law, it will either cause the daughter to defend him and cling to him even more, or cause the son-in-law to blame his wife for the mother's actions. I know because it happened to me.
Mom didn't consult me before she staged an "intervention," thinking it would help. My husband thought I had put her up to it, and he made my life even more hellish than it had been. Of course, I was determined to prove Mother wrong. So I stayed with him another hellish three years, until my nerves were shot and my bank account was empty. I might have left sooner if Mom hadn't meddled. -- HAPPY NOW IN COLUMBUS, OHIO