DEAR ABBY: My mother was born and raised in a European country. At 20, she met a young American soldier who was on his way to Vietnam. They had a brief affair, and I was the result.
When I was 6, my mother married my stepfather and we came to the United States. My stepfather tried, but he could not fill the void in my life. My mother refused to answer any questions about my real father or his family. She always told me he was killed in the war.
Last year, I hired a private investigator and found my father alive and well. He was shocked, but happy to hear from me. He did not even know my mother had borne his child. DNA tests confirm I am his daughter. I plan to meet his family and introduce him to mine.
My mother and I are now barely civil toward each other. I cannot understand why she deprived my father and me of knowing each other. She offers no explanation. All the years we missed breaks my heart. How can I forgive her? -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW YORK
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Start by understanding that your mother was and is very angry at your father. She may also have been ashamed about the circumstances of your conception. Although it was wrong of her to lie, until you understand her reasons for doing so, do not judge her.